Perhaps this dream is a metaphor for life and maybe a metaphor for my life right now, particularly. I can feel that I'm about to walk out on the edge again. I can feel I will complete my next book....finally. I have a ways to go, but I have carved out 4-5 days a week to work on it starting in January. I am afraid, actually, that I won't finish it and it is so important to me to do so. In fact, I have two books I'm working on simultaneously, one is the first book in a trilogy of fiction books and the other is a memoir or somewhat of a sequel to my first book. It takes so much energy to put myself out there again. Sometimes it feels like crossing a bridge that will never end. It's so much easier just to stay in my comfort zone and not do it, but I also feel it's the most important work I will do and have done. The memoir is calling me the strongest and I feel it will inform my trilogy series, so I would like to finish the memoir first.
I've been a bit melancholy. This turning-clocks-forward thing is getting me down. At 4:00pm, it's practically dark outside. I couldn't take just sitting inside when I got off from work, so I pulled off my work clothes and slipped into jeans and my down jacket and walked to Whole Foods for dinner and then upstairs to East West Bookshop for an astrology reading. The woman there confirmed that I would finish my book(s) and that they would be successful, but that it would be work and I'd have to stay focused.
It's been a little over a month since I've turned 50. Today I found a video of a Kickstarter I created 10 days before my 45th birthday. I was still married then. In the Kickstarter, I asked friends and family to donate to help me be able to take time off to write. I never put it out there.
Over the last 4 years, however, I've made huge leaps and bounds in my life. I created a new character, Venus on Fire, and performed a burlesque show in front of dozens of strangers on Capitol Hill in Seattle, I made a new boyfriend, I set up a psychic business and have taught many intuitive writing classes. I left my Seattle home that I shared with my ex-husband for almost 13 years and I've lived in Hawaii and traveled to Australia, New Zealand, Italy, France and Switzerland. In Italy, I co-led a retreat in Tuscany with 9 people. I did Pet Sitting in Port Townsend, Seattle and Italy. I have lived in my co-worker's basement apartment for a little over a year and I will move to my mom's in Sequim on December 15th for the winter to write and teach one class mostly online. Who knows where I will go after that?
I am moving forward and doing all the things I've dreamed of. In fact, often my dreams are so clear that they truly inform my waking life. I feel the Hood Canal Bridge on my way to Sequim could very well be that bridge to another world. I feel my life WILL open in more ways than I can imagine. I'm moving forwards. It's not a question of IF and not even a question of WHEN. It's happening RIGHT NOW. I'm on THAT bridge! There's no going back....
I have every bit of confidence in your continuing success. Just put one foot ahead of the other, one step at a time. You'll cross that bridge, and more to follow.
ReplyDeleteCool writing Kathy!
ReplyDeleteI still haven’t replied to your previous long message, it’s on my “to do” list. And I haven’t really directly replied to your post today, but here’s what came to mind:
I was driving some backroads at Tongdosa yesterday around sunset, you know those sort of elevated one-lane rice-tractor concrete Korean roads through rice fields where one wrong move and you’d fall off the road.
It wasn’t nearly as magical or scary as the snow bridge in your dream, (though it was quite beautiful), but a similar feeling about not wishing to fall off the one-lane road (while praying another car doesn’t come from the opposite direction.)
Then, after passing a robed monk happily walking by, I came to a reservoir, which the map indicated the small road wrapped around into the mountains — towards a cool destination.
Being one like you who enjoys walking (or driving) on “roads less traveled”, I proceeded on the narrow road as it wound it’s way up and around the small reservoir, all situated a few miles beyond the entrance and main temple of Tongdosa, which has many smaller hermitages within the simile HUGE temple property boundaries.
Immediately before starting on the windy road w/o guard rails part of my adventure, I’d rambled up a small crystal-clear stream running down beside a small hermitage named 반야 암, which as you know means “Banya Hermitage”, which you also know is the name of my dog, and you also know is one of the “Big Three” in Goenka Vipassana! (Sila, Samadhi, & Panna!)
Anyway, the road around the reservoir wasn’t heading into those GIGANTIC mountains in the heavens overlooking the entire universe over there at Tongdosa, but just some small stuff down below where we mortals live. (Those big mountains are where your snow bridge would be I believe.)
So as I drove, with Banya in the back seat, the narrow Korean-style concrete “road” grew worse and worse, and as we entered the forest, became completely covered with all the amazing fall foliage which had since fallen to the ground.
I drove a bit more on the leaves and other stuff, until I reached a bit of a crest, from which I couldn’t see the road or where it went below.
At that point I decided to get out of my car to scout on foot if the road was in fact passable, and found it became quite overgrown with young trees as well as all the leaves and other things that accumulate on forest roads which haven’t been driven on in many years.
Still, while not 4-wheel drive, my 2005 Kia Sportage definitely had enough clearance to make it over and through whatever was claiming stake to that old unused road. And in my earlier years I probably would have hopped back in my car and gone for the adventure.
It was getting dark however, and I knew I might have to drive back in the rice-field roads w/o the guard rails I’ve previously described, so I decided to “scout” ahead a bit more on foot to make sure that cool destination was indeed attainable.
Aside from wanting to arrive there, my other incentive was the road from there, which the map indicated would allow me to avoid that treacherous rice-field road on the way back to civilization.
But there was a reason the mountain leave and tree covered road had gone unused for quite some time, as I found a locked gate down off the main road leasing to where I was attempting to arrive.
I’m glad I didn’t attempt driving down toward that gate, as it would have been a bit perilous trying to turn around or back up the hill in the almost-dark on that crappy overgrown forest “road”.
I’m glad I didn’t attempt driving down toward that gate, as it would have been a bit perilous trying to turn around or back up the hill in the almost-dark on that crappy overgrown forest “road”.
DeleteIt was much easier turning around where I’d stopped on the crest, and then making my way thru the forest down to the reservoir, back through those rice fields, and then finally on to the main Tongdosa Temple, where I’d planned to eat at one of my favorite Korean Traditional Temple Food restaurants.
But after many years since not visiting there, the restaurant was gone, and I decided to drive on to Naewonsa, where I stumbled onto a cute looking local tea/coffee shop.
And somehow inside was a English speaking Korean who’s lived in the USA for nine years and served me gluten-free muffins, scones, cookies, and other stuff she’d baked a long with homemade ginger-honey tea followed by a cup of Tumeric-Ginger Rishi Herb Tea imported from the USA.
The music, conversation, and atmosphere were just what I needed, and the tea-shop owner accepted gladly accepted my proposal of marriage!
Okay— the baked good weren’t all gluten-free, nor was there a marriage proposal, but sweet-sour fried chicken tasted pretty good in my love-motel last night here near Naewonsa, where I’ll go hiking in a few minutes.
Hey, my writing, unlike your own, hadn’t revealed an iota of personal details about my life, but this is your post not mine!
I’ll save all that stuff for my forthcoming book! Ha-ha!
But as far as analogies go— between your dream and my experiences yesterday, and the symbolism of both our experiences: There’s definitely something to be said about using our wisdom, experience, and intuition when charting “roads less traveled”.
Taking risks must be balanced with knowing when it’s the right time to simply make a U-turn, no matter how treacherous those precious roads may have seemed.
Not giving up is an important one too! When we find what we’ve been looking (or planning) for doesn’t exist, it’s best to be flexible and move on to something else.
And of course gratitude for where we find ourselves is very useful too!
I’ll email you my I-Ching Hexagram
readings from yesterday too. :)
Wherever the road takes you, I am sure it will be amazing.
ReplyDelete