"Go into the core of your being, all your answers lie there."—Katherine Jenkins
Hello fellow Earthlings,
How are you? I'm currently in hibernation. I'm in a gathering state. I thought I'd come back to Facebook and start engaging more on June 8th, but here we are a June 15th! It's been a month and a half since I pulled the plug on Facebook and I see that I'm still not quite ready to "come out."
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I feel like a lump of clay yet to be molded. I could become anything at this point, but I feel like staying here in this unformed state a little longer. There is so much potential in the unformed state. Not having to be somebody has both its challenges and rewards.
The challenges are feelings of disconnection, loss, fear. The questions Who am I? and What is my purpose? have come up a lot. I've asked for divine intervention. I've asked for signs and symbols. I've waited. In some instances, I've grown impatient and even fearful. What if I am nobody in this world? That question is kind of scary, isn't it? Other challenges are not feeling like engaging much, keeping to myself, feeling depressed due to lack of clear direction, etc.
But floating on a vast ocean without signposts or a map has advantages too. In the unknown there is so much possibility. It's easy, in the day to day world, to make definitions of ourselves. We cling to self definitions like life preservers; without them, we feel we'd drown. Words like mom, teacher, construction worker, activist, poet, business owner, spiritual teacher give us a sense that we are somebody in this world and we are doing okay because we have that to rely on. We are part of this community or that community and within those communities is a pecking order and if we aren't in our place or we don't have a title or a role, we are lost. Just like in families, we are the middle child, the eldest, the youngest or the only child. We base our identities on how we grew up and it's true, at least in early life, we were molded by our families, particularly our parents. But clinging to what happened to us in the past is clinging to "a story" and there are many stories you can tell. What happens when you pick up that molded clay and pound it out and form something else or let it lie in a clump for awhile? What happens if you lose your map?
Here are the advantages to doing that: You get to decide who you become, by having no identity you are now open to having a new one, you get to form the rules, direction, pace. While you are sitting here as the unformed lump of clay that you are, instead of filling yourself up from the outside, you get to fill yourself up from the INSIDE and that's where all inspiration comes from. In fact, inspiration means being "in spirit" or going inward. All co-dependency with others is lost in this state of being. You aren't looking to others for your happiness. You are not relying on your place in society to make you happy. Your sadness is yours and your happiness is yours too. It doesn't depend on other people or outside circumstances. It depends on YOU.
I've been in a Clairvoyant Awareness Program for 10 months at a place called Psychic Awakenings in Seattle. I have to say, it's really hard to hide yourself from psychics! Ha! It's very easy to pretend all is well and you are happy with your place in life, but people tuned in spiritually and psychically can see right through that veil. I have received so much healing from the training and work I've done there. But the biggest revelation I've had is that we are all in this together. None of us are immune to sadness, pain or suffering just as none of us immune to happiness and joy. Once we know how connected we are, it's such a relief. We can be open and share knowing that we all go through the same things at one point or another in life, just at different times. We can feel happy for people whose lives are going great and we can have compassion for people going through a hard time because we've all been there!
The other big things I've learned at Psychic Awakenings are to ground and own my space. Those are HUGE! And we practice them again and again and again. After years of meditation, I wasn't aware of how important it is to ground or be grounded in life. I was always seeking the next spiritual experience and I won't lie and say that it wasn't fun to ride that wave for a very long time. So much became manifest in my life. Things I could never have imagined. But as high as you go, that far you fall. It's risky business and having a grounding cord connected to the center of the earth is always a good idea.
And it's no secret that I fell hard. My life came crashing down with the end of my marriage. And now, as I sit here in the valley of my life picking up the broken pieces of it, I see an image of myself throwing these pieces into a big pot. It's my own pot or container. I OWN my space. I get to decide how much water to add or not add. I get to decide what I put in that pot and what comes out of it and WHEN it comes out.
I'm not ready to come out yet, but soon. My teacher at Psychic Awakenings taught us to "bring in a golden sun" and fill ourselves up with our own energy. I always felt this was so grounding and validating. Whatever energy that was not mine could not stay in the space when I did this technique. But we were always "bringing in" the golden sun, which works for me, but it implies that it came from somewhere outside myself. Last Tuesday, she said, "Sit in the center of your own golden sun!" Wow! That resonated with me. We ALL have this light inside of us. We get to go inward and sit in the center of our OWN SUN or our own light. For some reason, right now, the song lyrics "this little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine..." are coming out. Each one of us gets to shine our light and the package it comes in, the lump of clay we get to work with, may be different, but all of us have this light inside.
Last night, before I went to bed, I asked for guidance. All of us have different beliefs. Maybe you believe in God or Jesus or you are a Buddhist or you talk to angels. Maybe you frequently tune into Source or maybe you are an Atheist. I'm not here to judge how you make your decisions about your life or where you get your inspiration from. I believe that I'm in a human body which has its own limitations, yet I'm connected to something much greater than I can comprehend in this body. I frequently tune into that energy and I get my direction and inspiration from that place. When I tune in and connect to Source and give psychic readings to people, it's uncanny how pertinent and timely that information is to the person I'm reading even though it may not make sense to me personally as I'm reading. In the end, it's a healing for me and for them. We connected and shared on a much deeper level. I feel that's what I'm here to do. I'm here to connect and share on this level.
So what came from the guidance I asked for, you ask? I got the message, "Go into the core of your being, all your answers lie there." So that's where I am navigating from and will continue to navigate from: the inside out. Going inward is pertinent to hearing divine messages. Most messages, I believe, come from a higher version or vibration of ourselves. If we move around in life distracted and influenced by all that's going on OUTSIDE of us, we never get a clear channel to hear what is going on inside. When life comes crashing down, we can hurry to get our footing again, or we can sit in the center of our own golden sun and see what lies there.