My Second Saturn Return and Re-Establishing Myself as an Author

"You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream. "-C.S. Lewis

I have no idea what happened to me. One moment I was in the prime of my life, out on book tour living my best life and launching my career as an author and three or so years after that, my life took a major blow and knocked me out for the count. I know and I don't know what happened to me. One thing I KNOW for sure, I don't want to be a one-hit wonder. I have several more books under my belt that want to be released into the world, some half written, some just ideas, and one particular book is literally burning a hole in my chest. It soooo wants to be born. 

 A week or so ago, after a grueling quarter at my college, where I have taught ESL and small business to immigrants and refugees for over twenty years, I went into a dark-night-of-the-soul kind of depression. I couldn't move. I sat staring out the window at the hummingbird feeder on my porch wondering what had happened to all the hummingbirds of the world. Had they simply disappeared? Did I not get the sugar to water balance correct? Was the feeder clogged? Had I used the wrong kind of sugar? I was fixated on this feeder like my life depended on it. No birds. They weren't interested. 

It's only been six months since we moved to this new house out on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State. This house chose us. It sucked us in. There is something very creative that is meant to happen out here amongst the towering trees. I moved here with my second husband, Scott. We got married on Cape Cod, on September 30, 2023, 8 years and one month after my first husband left me. 

Now it's been over 10 years since I suddenly had to start a new life...TEN YEARS! There have been all kinds of twists and turns and travels since then. Scott and I have traveled the world, led spiritual retreats, we even picked up and left Washington State during the Pandemic in order to live out near the wild beaches of Cape Cod for 5 years.

Twist and turns and fun and games and wild roller coaster rides... I wouldn't take them back. It's been one of the best periods of my life. But something got left behind along the way. Something has been left UNFINISHED. I guess you could say that there is some serious unfinished business left to tend to.

So I have mysteriously and not-so-mysteriously arrived at a wooden house on a half acre on the Olympic Peninsula surrounded by god-like trees. I've returned to Washington State, my birthplace. The trees surrounding our home are so tall that I feel quite humbled and small in their presence. They are guardians of this land. Their roots are deep and run under us creating an intricate system that I can't see, but it's doing a number on me. It's calling me to dig deep down. Way down. And I know I have to go there, but instead I find myself scrolling and researching about some random person I don't know who has died in some strange accident or Chat GPT-ing the best place to see the Solar Eclipse in August. I find myself half signing up for travels and excursions. I doom scroll. I scroll for fun. I scroll for research. I scroll for travel.  I go to Facebook and Instagram without thinking and hours pass before my little head pops up from the internet sea and I realize, "My God, how long have I been gone?" 

My God, how long have I been gone? That sentence right there sums up how I feel. That's it in a nutshell. 

I have been listening to The Telepathy Tapes podcast. Have you listened to it? That is the sole time- consumer that has proved to be completely worthy of my time. On one of the episodes, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about the creative process and writing. She says she'll "show up" at her writing desk for a certain period of time and it doesn't matter what she does because she "showed up." If she's on a roll with writing, she won't work into the wee hours of the night. Nope. She'll sit down for a set amount of time and leave mid-sentence sometimes. The idea, I guess, is that if you are on a roll and you keep writing, you will have nothing left to give. You'll burn out. I like this idea.

So right now, I've got to go check the mail, and when I come back, I plan to write for another hour. I'm going to try this system out. I'm going to write for two hours a day (on either this blog or my book) with a break in between and if I have to leave mid-sentence, that's fine. I will give myself breaks after the first hour. Here's my first break right now. Off to the mailbox I go...

I went downstairs, the house is quiet. Scott is in Seattle helping a friend remodel a house. We had guests for the past two days. It's been fun meeting new people in our hood and reconnecting with old friends from Seattle. But I need this quiet. I know I need it. The first thing I noticed when I went downstairs is that all the flowers on our white orchid plant were crumpled up on the floor like crumpled up pieces of paper. It's how I feel right now. I'm wondering if this blog post should be in the crumpled up paper heap. Those bare branches of that orchid scared me. Like a death I didn't know would happen and I'm not sure if flowers will ever bloom again from it. 

But I've got to believe they will.

The mailman never came to deliver the mail either. The birthday card I put in there for a friend is still in there. The little red flag on the mailbox is still up. 

Little red flags everywhere. Little red flags.

He's got to deliver the mail eventually. 

Am I going mad?

I see a vision of myself. It's one I haven't seen for a while. It was sparked by looking at pictures of when I was on book tour for my book "Lessons from the Monk I Married" in 2012.

I see this young, 42-year-old powerful woman with all her dreams unfolding. They are unfolding so fast that there was nothing to prevent her from believing that every single one of them can come true. She's one who is not afraid AT ALL. She doesn't KNOW 100% if all her dreams will pan out, but she BELIEVES they will. And she's going to give it her all. She's going to give it her best shot. I see her and I'm really proud of her and as I look at her, I think What happened to her?

On Book Tour in 2012 @ Book Passage in California

On Book Tour in 2012 @Powells Books in Oregon

                                             Signing Books at Powells Books in Oregon in 2012

                                             On Book Tour in 2012 @ Elliott Bay Bookstore in Seattle 

And I feel it in my bones. She is still in there. She's in there. She's been tapping on the sealed-off case of this body for years. Hello, hello? Anyone out there. Open up. I'm still in here. 

I sealed something off when that marriage of mine ended 10 years or so ago. Something happened when that rug got pulled out from under me. I locked the box and threw away the key. I moved on, but didn't move in. I didn't completely look at what is IN there. And gee whiz, whatever is in there doesn't require a key anymore. The lid of that box has come unhinged. No lock required. And I've been peeking in there and it's scary. It's much easier to doom scroll on the internet than to look at what's in there. 

But I'm opening the box. No more excuses. 

On that day that I was so depressed, about a week ago, when I didn't think things could get any darker (and I generally don't go into depression much), I walked outside and felt the coolness of the porch cement on my bare feet and just then, I heard it.

It buzzed past my left ear. Its head was bright red. It was a Rufous Hummingbird. And the reason I hadn't seen any is that they are migratory. They had made their way up from Mexico and my house out here in the forest was a stop on their tour. And they've been hanging out for awhile. They have made their appearance very well known. They are at my feeder day and night, buzzing here and there. 

And of course I had to Google the spiritual meaning of Rufous Hummingbirds. I think these little guys are now my spirit animals. Here are the key points:

• Overcoming adversity 
• Resilience
• Strength
• Adaptability
• Territorial (For me it means boundaries around my goals and how I spend my time)
• Ability to follow-through and embrace change

If their little fluttering bodies can travel all the way from Mexico to Alaska and make a stop at my house along the way, I can surely take on this challenge of looking deep within to see what is calling me and take action on these things. 

  

So the hummingbirds have returned and you know what else is returning? My Saturn is returning. It's my second Saturn and I'm smack-dab in the middle of this one and it's BIG! My Saturn is in my 5th house and it is in Aries. The 5th house is about creative endeavors and Aries is asking me to take a bold risk and to see it through to the end. I know what that bold risk is. I know it with all my heart. Aries is calling me to be courageous and work towards my goals. 

And I have also returned home to Washington State, where I was born. I've even made a full circle back to the Psychic School in Seattle where I met Scott for the very first time more than 10 years ago. I sort of feel like these hummingbirds making my return, albeit, it took awhile to get back.

Things are coming full circle. So many returns and circling back arounds. And now I feel like I'm ready to ground and dive on in. Yikes!

I've always thought of freedom as just having endless free time to do whatever I want to do and go wherever I want to go, but that's not what freedom is. All of that unstructured time can lead to inertia and ungroundedness. I've certainly fallen deep down into this hole. This new return is calling me to put foundations under these dreams of mine. This house and these trees have me rooted here for now. This is a good place to begin again. It doesn't mean I won't travel. It's in my blood to travel and explore, but I feel like I have a firm home base now. It feels supportive and nurturing. 

I would like to say out loud, here on this blog, who I am, what my current projects are and how I plan to achieve my goals. I feel like if I can say these things out loud, I can claim them for myself and own them. 

Who am I? 

I am an internationally published author. (My book was traditionally published through an agent in NYC and a foreign agent in London. Publishers in California, China, Taiwan and Croatia bought the rights to my book, making me an internationally published author for my book Lessons from the Monk I Married). I am a spiritual retreat leader who has led wellness retreats all over the world. I am an intuitive writing teacher and have taught a dozen 5-week intuitive writing courses. I am a psychic who is currently in a teacher's training program at a well-known psychic school in Seattle called Psychic Awakenings and I have completed a 9-month Clairvoyant Awareness Program at that very school long ago and met my husband Scott at that school. He is currently a teacher there. I am training to be a Psychic Teacher in order to help others hone in on their intuition. I am a Psychic Reader and have done dozens of psychic readings for people which have helped them on their paths. I am highly intuitive and tend to always follow my intuition and if I don't, it gets louder than fluttering hummingbird wings around here :) I am also an ESL and Business Teacher for immigrants and refugees at Edmonds College (It's my "day job" and I love my students and I love helping them fulfill their dreams. I have done this job for over 20 years).

What are my projects?

I am more than half-way through my next memoir Venus on Fire. I plan to finish it by the end of this year. I plan to also create an LLC with my husband for our classes and retreats and to set up my psychic reading business. I will make a new website as an author and also a website for my readings, retreats and classes. I also hope to take care of my health by eating right and exercising, which will help me with my projects! I hope to plan some new wellness retreats and get cracking on my own travel plans for this year. I am a member of my local YMCA where I do yoga and Qi Gong and other classes and I walk daily for 2-7 miles a day. I hope to add weight training to my workout and more cardio. I go to Seattle once a week for my STP (Spiritual Teacher's Program) at the psychic school. I will graduate from that training in June and I will start teaching in June as well.

How will I achieve these things?

I will devote 2-3 hours a day to "just showing up" at my desk and working on writing my book, my spiritual classes and retreats business, and my websites.  I will choose a time that works best for me. I will write regularly on this blog or another one that I create. I'll continue to go to classes at the YMCA and continue walking 2-7 miles a day. I will continue with my STP classes. I will work on meal planning, etc. 

There, I said it. I put it all out there. And I'm scared out of my mind that I won't be able to accomplish all of these things, but I know now how important they are to me and if I fall off the horse, I plan to get right back up there. The most important one to me right now is my current book. I want to finish it. 

I hope to use this blog, or a new one I create, to hold myself accountable for these projects and to stay true to who I am and to take y'all on this journey with me. Here I go....

How about you? Do you have goals or dreams you are working on and want to accomplish?

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Winds of CHANGE

"Sometimes we can only find our true direction when we let the winds of change carry us."—Mimi Novice

Hello fellow Earthlings!

It's been a very long time since I've been here on this blog. How have you been? There is no way I can fully recount all that has happened in the one year and 8 months since I've been here. Perhaps it was a period of ENGAGEMENT in the world for me and a step away from introspection and this blog. I did in fact get engaged and married during my time away. I got married on September 30, 2023 to my beloved Scott Walsh. A beautiful gathering of friends and family came to Cape Cod to witness our union. It was a time of love, excitement, gatherings, beauty, travel—it was an extroverted time after having been introverted for so long due to the pandemic. By 2023, we were really ready to be part of the world again. We led two retreats to Italy during that time (one in September 2023 and one in May 2024) and had an opportunity to also travel to Greece, a lifelong dream, and visit Athens, Santorini, Delphi and Meteora. On the more somber side of things, Scott's 100 and half year old mom died on September 25, 2024, 5 days before our one year anniversary. Luckily, she was able to attend our wedding and I still feel her presence since her transition to the other side. I am so happy that Scott has had these past four years with his mom on Cape Cod. They became very close and saw each other every week and it changed both of them for the better. So much has happened and I am still in the process of downloading and integrating all of these things.

But to fully understand it all, I am feeling a call to go inward again. I am feeling the winds of change coming on strong again. It's no accident that I live on a strip of sand in the Atlantic Ocean where the wind is constantly shaping and changing the landscape. Today on my walk with Scott, it was whipping across the blank canvas before us. The beach stretched out as far as the eye could see. If it weren't for the striking contrast between the white sand and deep blue sea, It would seem like we were in the desert.

The weather seemed to depict the current state of the world: wavy, windy, changeable, unsettled, unpredictable, chaotic at times. Even the temperature has been all over the map here. On October 21st, I swam in those waves because it was a balmy 73 degrees outside. Then the next day it was fall and I needed a jacket, and then again summer, fall, summer, fall....up, down, up, down, up, down. Whoa!

I made an announcement on Facebook, which I'm on a lot, that I'll just be posting links to blog posts every now and then, but I think I need to delete my account and hope that people will bookmark this blog and come here to interact. The heaviness and crazy wave making going on on social media is more than this girl can take. I'm extremely empathic and feel everything. I need to work on boundaries much more so that I can function better in this crazy world and be of better service to myself and my fellow Earthlings. 

I'm being asked by my guides to step through a door again and what is on the other side is completely UNKNOWN to me right now. I am not unfamiliar with the unknown and have stepped through these mysterious doors many times. By now you'd think it would be easy, but I'm afraid. However, I'm going to do it. 

I have learned that when something deep inside me calls for a change, it's usually for a very important reason and to not take action would be worse than embracing the mystery that lies on the other side.

So what is this change, you ask? Part of it has to do with finding our "tribe" as I like to call it, so that we can do the work we came here to do. We have been part of many circles, the two of us, and have found that working with other like-minded people is very helpful. I foresee that working in "tribes" or "circles" is going to be extremely beneficial to many people in the coming decade and may even completely change how people operate. Historically, it was common for people to be part of  smaller circles and tribes and it allowed them to be more efficient in working towards common goals. I also foresee a shift away from social media and MEDIA all together, which tends to tell us what to think. I feel the need to "deprogram" myself a bit from what I've learned and be in tune more and in acceptance more of what is "coming through" me. And there is so much coming through right now. It's hard to even put in to words what is coming through.

Stay tuned here as I navigate this change and step through this door. Maybe you are also feeling the winds of change happening in your own life. I'm feeling that if I heed this call of my heart I can't go wrong. Listening deeply to my heart and following it has never, ever led me astray, but it does take quite a bit of trust and stepping out of my comfort zone. Here I go....

In love & light,

Katherine

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Staring at the Blank Page

 "The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink clamoring to become visible."

--Vladimir Novokov

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you? Today, right now, I'm up on the second floor of my office, with sunlight shining through my window making my plants (and me) extra happy! I'm also staring at this blank page. 

The cursor is there waiting. It's blinking. I have so much to say both on this blog and in my new book. I think part of my problem is that I want to get it all just right rather than just getting it out and on the page. It stops me from writing at all. I have this idea that things need to be a certain way before they can become anything. It's hard to explain.

Here we are in March and February was a blur. I got off Facebook on February 15th. I needed time and I was wasting too much time on social media. I temporarily deleted my account so that I could focus a bit more. 

January and February were hard months for me. I went through some emotional and physical turmoil. As I mentioned in my last post, I opened Pandora's box when I decided to dive into my next book about transformation that was instigated by my first marriage ending. I had no idea that so much unresolved pain would resurface and manifest in both physical and mental pain. My eyes got infected, I got sick, I felt deep depression and the cold, gloomy weather didn't help. I went into self-care and self-healing mode and it felt right. I didn't produce much on the book front, but I did a lot of necessary healing.

Now I'm like the ground hog who pops his head up from under the earth to check if spring is here. It's time to spring forward, I feel. New energy is circling around me. I feel a shift. I had planned to finish three chapters of my book by the end of March, but I only finished one (I have a total of 100 pages written, but it all needs focus and some revising). I'm cutting myself some slack though.

I'm teaching two college classes online and it's been a lot of work. Winter quarter will end for me on the first day of spring. At least that's when I plan to get all the tests graded and all my administrative work turned in.

And then I'm going on an adventure...

It's been awhile. I'm on Trusted Housesitters (If you are reading this and want the link, I have a 25% off code for you, so let me know). I pet sit for animals all over the world. I love taking care of pets because I don't have any of my own and I like the idea of being able to travel and see new places. I've pet sat in Port Townsend, Seattle, Shoreline and Chimacum in Washington State, Hawaii and Rome and Lucca, Italy. My next cat sit is at a post and beam farm house on 50 acres in Connecticut where I will take care of one sweet cat. This sit happens to fall exactly on my spring break from college, so on March 23rd, I'll drive two hours to my destination. I will stay there for 10 nights and then drive back. Scott will come see me on one of the weekends. My goal on this sit it to WRITE, WRITE WRITE and tune into nature and nurture myself and take care of one adorable cat, of course! I may explore the little towns nearby too. I can't wait for this retreat. I am so looking forward to it!

Then, on April 3rd, I start a new college quarter and I'm teaching a DOUBLE LOAD of classes online. That will be challenging, but I am doubling up with the anticipation of possibly taking summer quarter off to travel, plan a wedding, etc.! We've rented out our Cape Cod condo for all of August and the first weekend in September. We plan to go to Europe to honeymoon before our wedding. (Eat your dessert first, you don't know what tomorrow will bring...lol). Then, on September 30th, we are getting married on Cape Cod!!! Whoa...crazy to say it and so much to do. 

Today I had a counseling session. I talked with my counselor about intention and flow. I have been able to manifest quite a bit in my life by setting intentions and collaborating with my higher self (God, universe or whatever you want to call it). The small girl in me is often contracted and afraid. I've been working on remembering that my higher self is ever present and willing to communicate with that scared, small girl who has been affected by grief, trauma, pain, etc. Those are things that happened, but those things are not me. The conversation between that girl and my higher self has been an incredibly healing one. In that conversation, I've been able to let go of quite a lot. I want to keep that communication open and ever present. It makes a huge difference on how I navigate my life.

So this blank page wasn't so scary after all. Not sure if it has any focus, but sometimes words just want to come out in whatever way and later the focus can be found. Last night I saw the movie Emily at Cape Cinema with Scott. It's about Emily Bronte and her life. The screen writer took a lot of artistic license, but it was a powerful character sketch of a woman who went through so much. She was powerful, raw, real, unafraid (yet also shy and scared when forced into formal situations or pressed to follow societal norms). I felt a lot of myself in her. She felt she had failed in some way, but she was true to herself which gained her lots of accolades. Strangely, that was not really what she was after. She needed to express herself. The scene where she was upstairs in her bedroom with a single candle and a quill pen staring at the blank page was so relatable to me. She had to open her big bedroom windows and let in the bird calls, and fragrances of flowers and the wild wind. Only then could she write. She let it all in and let the writing come just as naturally as the sun rises and nature creates a new day. 

I feel a lot of creative energy bubbling inside of me. The door between me and my higher self is open. The conversation is intimate. I'm letting the words come out and allowing them to land where they may. I'm feeling and sensing. I'm tuning in. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm going to let it all flow...

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Writing Through The Pain

 Hello fellow Earthlings,

I tend to hang out in the positive polarity of life, but no one is immune to PAIN. It's an EARTHLING condition. And there is physical, mental and spiritual pain and sometimes they are all tied together, even if we think they are separate.

A few weeks ago, I opened Pandora's box and unearthed my journals from when my marriage ended. If anything will jolt you back into a timeframe you just as soon have forgotten, reading past journals of that time will.

I am writing a new book called Venus on Fire about my transformation after my marriage ended. In December, I rented a private office up the street from me in Yarmouth, Cape Cod and set it all up with a sofa and chairs, a desk, a lamp, plants, books, and journals. I made it comfortable and inspirational and I thought I had set myself up for a smooth ride.

Nope.

Reading through those old journals did something to me. My body is confused. Am I living in this timeline or that timeline. Maybe I have a leg in both of them. And then, of course, I started to beat myself up that I didn't have a handle on things or that things weren't moving along faster in the book writing world. 

As I dug further into my past,  my body started to give out. My eyes got infected (both of them) and I couldn't wear my contacts. I felt a pain in my chest that I couldn't shake. I felt a lot of anger that may not have been expressed from my marriage and the ending of said marriage. I accidentally  sat on my only ancient pair of glasses and broke them in two. My fiancé Scott glued them together with super glue, using tissue paper to hold the glue. So now I was going even further back to when I was a kid and got teased all the time for wearing glasses. More Pain. He tried to make it better my removing the tissue and coloring in the glob of glue with a pen (bless his heart, his intentions were pure). I put them on and felt like the biggest nerd known to mankind

Me with my nerdy glasses at Ritual on Cape Cod where I taught a Vision Board/Intuitive Writing Workshop

. 

I also felt lost and depressed. I didn't have a clear vision of my future or what I am trying to accomplish. I have so many things I want to do, but feel like I'm sinking in thick mud and to lift one boot up and put the other one down into this dense, thick stuff is easier said than done.

So I'm wading through the shit. We all have to do it at some point. Many people just as soon keep Pandora's box shut tight and buried....forever...

The thing is, this book is NOT a book about divorce. It's a book about what came out of a divorce. It's a book about empowerment, transformation and overcoming obstacles. It's book about seeing the truth of who I was, who I am and who I am becoming. We are always becoming. Each one of us is not the same person we were two seconds ago. 

I realize that to talk about this transformation, I have to understand where I was and put myself back there. I now get that I also need to keep myself insulated a bit when I do that. It would behoove me to have some self-care in place. If I'm journeying back in time, it would be nice to have a heated seat, a good drink, driving gloves, a nice pair of shades, an air bag and my seat belt fastened. 

So today I really fell apart, but my airbag protected me. I went to a yoga class in the morning, I reached out on Facebook for love and support (I know that's a weird place to do it, but it's where all my peeps are in one place), I had my home professionally cleaned (That's part of self care for me).

As I walked the steps up to my office to attend a college meeting, I began to feel my hands get clammy and my heart race. I called the eye doc and asked if I was having a reaction to the antibiotic drops I need to put in my eyes 4 times a day for the eye infection. She said that a racing heart was uncommon, but I should go to ER or Urgent Care. 

I talked myself down from the cliff a bit. I decided things weren't so urgent. I slowed my breathing down and meditated. I asked myself what I needed. 

The answer was REST.

So I cancelled all my classes and laid down on my 'therapy' sofa in my office with a scarf over my eyes and listened to 15 minutes of guided meditation. I really let myself release whatever wanted to be released.

Interestingly, I am surrounded by therapists. My office building is a therapy office with one real estate broker and one recluse author (me). Even though most of the therapists use sound machines to block the noise of their conversations, every once in a while I get bits and pieces. When I first moved in, I overheard, "Your relationship is RUPTURED. You have to accept the fact that it is RUPTURED." For some reason, the word ruptured rang in my head all day that day. So while white noise machines where whirling outside office doors today, my own therapist in Seattle had an opening in her schedule. What a relief. 

She said, "Maybe you should write about how it feels to write this book. Maybe you should say what you are going through."

So here I am, on my blog, letting you know that it aint no picnic.

But I'm going to keep on keeping on despite all the pain. 

And maybe I'll even get some cute glasses...

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: A Room of One's Own and other BIG NEWS...

Dear Fellow Earthlings,

“A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write...”—A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolfe

I finally did it. I got a 'A Room of One's Own' in December. I invested in myself. This may not sound like much, but it was huge for me. I have spent quite a bit of time getting the atmosphere just right. I've added plants, a sofa, a rug, etc. 

My Room of One's Own....

I found most of the furniture on Facebook Marketplace. I got a mid century sofa bed for $50, a huge Monstera plant and a bunch of other plants for $50. I also got these items for free: an accent chair, side tables and a gorgeous Moroccan mirror. The owners of the space I'm renting gave me a desk, office chair and two beautiful plants for free too.

Gorgeous sunset tonight from my Writer's Room

The office space I'm renting is 5 minutes from my home. It's an oasis of peace. As I sit here on the second floor in my heated room, I hear an owl hooting outside my window. I think I'm the only one here at 8:30pm on a Thursday. Most of the people in my office building are therapists and there is one real estate broker who is never here. This is interesting because I always thought that if I were to ever choose a different career for myself, it would be counseling.

 Earlier today, I treated myself to a foot massage and pedicure at a nail salon in my complex which consists of about 7 buildings total in a square around a large parking lot. The buildings are very aesthetically pleasing, with little houses attached together and set back from historical Route 6A. Besides the nail salon, there's also a day spa and a hair salon. I know, I know, it seems that I'm avoiding the actual work I set out to do here. And what is that work, you ask?

Well, I really needed a private space to myself to teach my college classes, online intuitive classes and I needed a place to offer psychic readings and finish my next book. For nearly three years, I've been teaching and offering classes in my bedroom on the Cape and while this seemed to work out okay when we were renting a big house in Eastham, it's been more challenging since we bought and moved to a one-bedroom condo. The space where I did all my college classes and tried to write was at the foot of the bed and my writer's chair and desk were often strewn with clothing, books, boxes, etc. I had to constantly push things aside to make space for my work and I was also sharing that space with Scott.

So this is a big move for me. The owners gave me all of December for free, so I don't feel guilty yet for not having done too much. I've spent most of the month just getting organized! I still have boxes of my journals and other writing material in the storage area of our condo. I need to get these things organized in my office and come up with a writing schedule.

I know I'm going to teach my college classes and hunker down and write this winter, but I'm also ITCHING to travel. Winter can be bitter cold and windy on Cape Cod. It's a bit daunting to think that I'm going to lock myself up here to write when I really feel like running away to a tropical location and enjoying. 

To stay active, I wake up at 7am and walk with my friends Christine and Katie and often go to yoga after our walk. If I miss walking at 7am, I try and walk at some point in the day. I find this is really important when the days are dark and cold.

In other BIG news, on November 5th, Scott reached into his backpack and pulled out a tiny box and said, "Should I get down on one knee or something?" Oh.My.Lord. I opened the box and inside was a tiny, silver filagree ring with a tiny turquoise stone that he chose himself. A promise ring. He asked me to marry him! We've talked about it a handful of times, but this was a surprise. I said YES! We've had an amazing almost seven years of love, joy and adventures as well as challenges that we've had to navigate, as every couple does. I feel like we've navigated the challenges quite well and are both emotionally intelligent enough to work together in finding solutions to those challenges. I feel good and excited about all the love and adventures to come!

With my sweet man on Christmas on Chapin Beach Cape Cod. Baby, it's cold outside!

 Now the daunting task of planning a wedding in the fall. It all seems so overwhelming that maybe we'll just elope? Not sure yet?

Also, this summer we plan to go to Europe. We can rent our Cape place out for quite a nice sum of money, so we've decided to travel. There's also those plans to figure out. By this summer, I'll be ready to travel again.

I have so many things I want to do that I'm finding it hard to focus and prioritize. I feel like sometimes I just want to soak up everything life has to offer and life has a lot to offer. I like to imagine and create. I am so happy I have a place to do that now. This place is quiet, cozy, warm, comfortable and very conducive to work. It's a writer's dream! Please send good juju so I can do something with this new investment and get the next book done!! It's been a long time and I'd like it to happen....

Here I go.....

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Dropping Down Deep

 Dear fellow Earthlings,

Has it really been six months since I've written on this blog? What happened? I can't even really summarize it all. 

All I can say is that I was on a long journey and that journey was very extroverted on some levels, but there was some inner work that did take place.

I stopped writing here in April. By June, summer was in full swing and I was getting ready to leave my Cape place for six weeks and rent it out. Scott and I traveled by car from the Cape to Washington State and back. That was not a short journey. We went to meet friends and family and to clear out our storage units there, but there were definite adventures along the way in both directions. Looking back, they seemed like initiations to get me to where I am now. 

After we returned from our long trip, several friends from Seattle and Florida came to visit us. My best friend from elementary school just left on Halloween. It was such a joy to have a life-long friend here in my new stomping grounds. I love this place so much and I wanted her to experience what I have experienced. I can honestly say that we both had a really good time.

But now it's November 1st. Time to drop down inwards. Time to see what wants to come out.

On Halloween, after being inside all day working on my college class and catching up on other work I avoided while enjoying with my friend, I decided to head to Mayflower Beach and walk along the shore to Chapin Beach. It was around 5:30pm and the sky across the bay was jet black with only a sliver of white against the emerald green water.

 It looked like the sky might fall at any minute. It had an eerie quality that was appropriate for the holiday. There was not a soul on the beach, save for one man dressed in a lion suit sitting melancholically on the beach next to the shore. He looked unflinchingly into the distance, hands wrapped around his knees. He had an air of disappointment about him. Upon seeing me, he gathered his lion's tail in his hands and wandered down the shore in the opposite direction. 

Now there was no one.

There was also no wind.

I listened to the waves lap against the shore and watched as the clouds got darker and darker. They were so dark now that they seemed they might burst.

When I got to Chapin Beach, I turned around and started walking on the street. The air was thick and warm and crickets still chirped. Did they know it was almost November? Did they know winter was coming?

I closed my eyes and felt the moment. The sultriness of summer was still in the air, but the darkness of the skies and the dead leaves on the ground indicated the change coming that was inevitable.

I wandered as far as Bay Beach. Just before I entered the beach a fox crossed my path. I hadn't seen one since 2020 when I lived in Eastham. I didn't have any friends there and spent most of my time talking to animals. I was tuned in then in a way I am not now, but just for those few moments, staring at the fox across from me as he sat looking at me intently in the sand dunes, I realized that I hadn't lost all connection to the natural world. I was tuning in again. I felt deep gratitude for this creature's appearance on Halloween. Foxes, to me, exist between both the physical and spiritual worlds and at a time when the veil between the physical and spiritual is so thin, it felt very auspicious to see him there.

But just as he appeared, he disappeared, almost as if he were never there to begin with.

I carried on down the beach and came upon dozens of sand pipers screeching loudly under the moon. I had no where to walk without running into them, so they flew in formation over the sand and landed in a perfect line along the shore giving me a path to walk. 

I know this new month marks the start of a very different time. I can feel I will be writing quite a bit. I can feel I will be uncovering more than I know. I will start teaching a new intuitive writing class on Friday at Ritual in Yarmouth. This time it will be in person. The class is called Conscious Creation. I may also offer it online. I have been working at a deeper and deeper level with the idea that we completely create our reality. I have tested new tools that give clear evidence for this. I'm excited to explore more deeply with conscious creation and see where it leads.

For now, I am grateful for the opportunity to get back in to a rhythm and routine. As the days grow shorter, I'm ready to drop down deep....

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: The fog will lift and you WILL get your mojo back...

Dear fellow EARTHLINGS,

Are any of you feeling the INERTIA? Are you feeling the fog? Are you on airplane mode? Is your vehicle on auto-pilot? Are you in your comfort ZONE, but feeling like you need a sense of purpose, direction or perhaps a little FIRE under your pants to get you going? (By the way, I enlarged the text on this post because it wants to be LARGE for obvious reasons today).

Well, I am feeling these things!

I had a dream earlier in the month where I was driving my car but had no idea where I was going. The fog outside kept getting thicker and thicker. Eventually I had to pull the car over. I started getting sleepy and realized I was being 'gassed'. I couldn't even bring myself to check my phone or send a message out, I was THAT tired. I was able to lean my car seat back and then I guess I surrendered. It wasn't a fearful dream. I wasn't in FIGHT or FLIGHT. 

I just let go....

A few days after that I went down to Mayflower Beach and the entire beach was in a thick fog. It was like I was living out my dream in reality (or vice versa). I walked directly into the fog and couldn't see Cape Cod Bay or people or life of any kind. I could only see less than a foot in front of me, so I walked in the direction of the sound of the waves. I got to the water and dead European Starlings were strewn across the shore. I have an app that identified the birds. 

Why were they dead? What killed them? Bird flu? Virus? 

I had this eerie feeling and a sense of being the only one left on Earth. I kept walking through the fog with wet sand beneath my feet. There were patches of seaweed and kelp here and there in the sand. I decided to identify some of these: Dead Man's Fingers, Gut Weed...

So now I'm walking through fog over Dead Man's Fingers and Gut Weed to a stark shoreline where once-full-of-song-and-life starlings are lying half-mutilated on the dark, cold sand. If this is not a metaphor for what has been going on in our world for the last...say... 2 to 3 years, I don't know what is.

I stood still for a moment as the fog turned my hair into a wet mess which was now sticking to my face and thought:

For the love of God, can we please have a little light in this world?

Just then the fog lifted. I kid you not. I saw the entire beach stretched out before me. I saw light and people in the distance walking their dogs. I saw kids playing frisbee. Strange seagulls with black heads came out of nowhere. One hovered along side me and I swear he looked me right in the eye. What were these creatures? Before I could have another thought about it, this bird took off on another thermal down the beach. Later, I identified the birds to be a black-headed gulls (makes sense), which is a rare visitor to North America, being that they are European. Maybe they, like the starlings, had a message?

I got my own message that day. It was pretty loud and clear. Surrender and eventually the fog will lift. AMEN TO THAT!

I'm ready for this inertia to go away. I'm ready to feel  clear-headed and get my fire back. I'm ready to WRITE and get my next book out there, teach classes, retreats, get my mojo back and GET ON WITH IT.

I'M READY!

I know the world is heavy right now. I know there is a lot going on. I know self care is needed, but that that doesn't mean you can't spread your wings and fly. You are still ALIVE. What do you want to do with this one precious life? We need your light.... so pick something (or pick a few things, but not much more than that) and stick with it until the end. 

I am speaking primarily to myself, but perhaps you feel this too? And here's the thing:

Just because the GRINCH stole the ROAST BEAST doesn't mean he gets to steal Christmas, right? All the Whos down in Whoville are not going to let that happen. They are going to join hands, love, sing, create and carry on....

And that's what I plan to do.

How about you?