A New Life

Universal Love by Anyes Barber

"I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom— how great is that?"—Soledad O'Brien

 Dear fellow Earthlings,

It's been so long. I haven't written since February when I was on Maui. Earth THINGS got in my way of corresponding. It was harder to hear the messages from my heart as I was being tossed and turned in a more active phase of my life. There was so much I wanted to share with you, but I hardly had time to catch my breath. Within the space of 4 months, I attended a week-long shamanic workshop with Hank Wesselman at Breitenbush Hotsprings in Oregon, traveled to Australia down The Great Ocean Road with fellow blogger sisters, slept in the outback under a blanket of stars near Uluru, and toured the North Island of New Zealand immersing myself in Maori culture. It was a whirlwind and I so wanted to write about it while it was happening. There were so many messages to convey, but, instead, I just absorbed it all like a sponge. I promise you, I will share it in my next book Venus on Fire. It is what I'm working on right now.

I touched down on American soil from New Zealand near the end of March on a Friday. I could feel the heaviness and busyness of being back in Seattle, in the city, where everyone had an agenda and things to do and places to go. There was a heaviness in the air. I wondered how far it had spread. Had it infected all of the United States? I wasn't sure. People weren't LISTENING. They weren't dropping down inside to hear. They were just moving. Cars were like ants and everyone was following what the others were doing. No one was questioning this way of life. It felt destructive. The image I had was of rats in a maze running around in circles but not finding any way out. Everyone was bumping into each other and the stress was enormous. Just beyond the maze there was a vast ocean and there were forests with towering trees that stood like ancient grandfathers. They beckoned these rat-like people to step back or step out of the maze. "Step off the path and look up at the moon," a voice seemed to say.

But I didn't do that. By Monday, I was back in the classroom at the community college where I've taught for the past 12 years or so. I went from attending a Maori Hangi (feast) out on the North Island of New Zealand, to teaching small business and ESL classes to 60 students. The transition was jarring. The journey of my spirit, which was deep and expansive, was cut short as I was abruptly transported back to the maze where it seemed I too was running in circles forgetting everything I had learned—forgetting to breath, to stop, to connect, TO SEE.

I bounced through my classes and life like a car that had just gotten a flat on a dirt road. I kept trying to roll that car along, but it was a rough ride. On top of the teaching load, I had to move out of my house of 12 years during finals week. My body gave up. I acquired new illnesses. I went to doctors, counselors, psychics. The message was that I needed to slow down and remove ALL STRESS from my life right away. I was not to put myself in stressful situations until my physical body had healed. Yet, the reality was there. I had to finish teaching and I had to move out. I asked for help and many people came and pitched in. There's a little unfinished business that others are helping out with, but other than that, I'm on to a NEW LIFE. One that better suits my heart and allows me to hear and honor the messages it's been sending out.

Life is not always logical. We don't always go from point A to point B. In fact, I'd be surprised if anyone's life has flowed along in a neat little package with no challenges, woes or battle scars. Of course, the pictures tell a different story. Social Media makes us believe that everyone besides us leads a perfect life with perfect children, spouse, parents, family, etc. In The USA, we are a country of doing and acquiring. There are certain rites of passage that are considered "normal" and if we are in the maze, we'd better do them so that traffic will flow along more smoothly. But the very things we agree to do and believe we SHOULD do, aren't always the things our hearts call us to do. And those rites of passage, as important as they seem, will not SAVE us. We can have a neat little life on the outside, but it's the inside work, the work no one can see, that will make the biggest difference. It's the practice of BE-ING rather than DO-ING. All the messages we need to hear are in the practice of be-ing.

My heart is calling me to take a different path. My heart is calling me to a new life. I'm scared as shit. That's the truth. I've always been the good girl. I've been a good citizen. I've tried to do the right things and follow along in the maze of life, but I'm being called to step off this well-trodden path. I no longer have a home. I left all that I previously knew. It was a dark tunnel getting here, one where I painstakingly sorted through pictures and memorabilia of a life now gone. I sold, donated or tossed most of my belongings. A small pile of things I couldn't part with yet are now in a storage unit. I am FREE.

FREE

I left my home at 9:30am yesterday and got on the 10:30 ferry to Kingston. On the ferry, I sat across from a Native American Artist's painting called The Raven's Journey about a raven who turns into a boy and searches for a box of light. I feel that's my journey too. After disembarking the ferry, I drove on through a dense forest and thick green vegetation to Port Townsend. The Sound opened up on my left as I turned onto Cape George Road. My car was packed with what I needed for a month. I am petsitting and writing for the month of July in a mandala house (round house). It's just me and Indio, the sweet dog I'm taking care of.

My room is the whole upper floor of the mandala house and it sits high up like a tree house. Last night the strawberry full moon shone through the portal window above my bed and filled the entire room. It felt like angels had entered. It lit up all the trees around the house. It was divine.

I'm listening now. I've stepped out of the maze and I'm out with the trees and the moon. My heart is rejoicing. It's showing me things I've overlooked— little things like wild strawberries, fox glove, the smell of pine, a chorus of birds. This is the life my heart wants. Slow, mindful,

FREE

Namaste sweet humans. More soon.....