Riding the Winds of Change

"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction."—Unknown

 For two days straight, the wind blew shaking the windows in their frames. The howling through the trees surrounding our house on Cape Cod kept me up at night. The entire atmosphere was charged with the energy this wind had created. Two nights ago, my partner lay next to me sleeping, and I lay on my back staring at the ceiling wide awake. I was calm and safe inside, but there were moments when I felt like the wind might just pick up this house and blow it over Cape Cod Bay out into the open sea. I wasn't afraid, I was awake. 

The howling, whipping wind felt appropriate for what is going on on the OUTSIDE, out there in the world. I feel the heavy energy of the world out on the periphery. I'm not close to it, being that I'm choosing to live here out on a sand bar in the ocean. The ocean has a way of softening the sharp edges. It cleanses and reshapes. It has a way of taking all that's solid and stuck and making it flow again. I couldn't think of a better place to be right now, honestly.  Nature speaks to me all the time out here. It's where I get my news these days. 

I haven't checked the election results. I have no idea who is president of our country. I'm choosing to linger in the unknown. It's the only place any of us can really be sure of anyway. What do we know? Looking to nature for the news this morning, like I usually do, the headline to match the experience was CALM AFTER THE STORM.

I woke up to sun streaming through all 6 large, bedroom windows. Our room sits up high in the tree tops on the second floor. I could see blue birds and finches happily fluttering about the tops of the trees singing their songs. My boyfriend was already downstairs brewing coffee and singing a tune. He called up to me, "Hey, wanna go for a walk on the beach?" I pulled on some jeans, a fleece sweatshirt, wool socks and headed downstairs. We drank coffee together and chatted, but he soon realized there wasn't time for a beach walk, he had to head out to work. He's been working with his college friend in his carpentry business for the last two months since we got here. It's one of the reasons we were able to move here for the off-season. My job at Edmonds College in Washington State went online after the pandemic hit, so I can work from anywhere. Scott was finishing up carpentry jobs in Washington, so he was in a good position to move. So, at the end of August, we packed up all of our worldly possessions, some went into a tiny storage unit, one for each of us, and the rest traveled across county with us in Scott's truck. I sold my car to come here. Being car-less has forced me to use my body to get around and to be creative. I walk or bike lots of places. Thankfully, we live near a beach and there is a 26-mile bike trail near our house that goes to several nearby towns. Scott has been loving working outside in Wellfleet, Eastham and Orleans on the Lower Cape. Most of the home owners are gone for the season, so they spend their time sanding and refinishing decks and siding, pulling up beach stairs, putting storm windows on houses and repairing this or that. He sometimes sends me pictures of where he is working: a gorgeous house right on the cliff of a beach or an artsy house hidden in the trees. It's really a dream come true for both of us to be here. The fact that Scott's 96-year-old mom lives in Sandwich and that his brother and cousin live out here, along with several friends, made it easy for us to come.

And our house, well it's also a dream. A dream that we are currently living in anyway. We found a longterm rental in Eastham, near the beach that normally goes for $12,000 a month in the high season. We got it for 10 times less in the off-season. It was cheaper for us to come here than rent in Seattle. Our house is big for the two of us. But after living in tiny, one-room basement dwellings together, it is so nice to have all the space. We have not one, but three bathrooms. We are loving every minute of being here. I love the ocean being so close. I love that I am living on a sand bar with wild nature all around.

So Scott headed off to work and I wandered down the seashell path from our house to the beach.

 All the beach stairs along our private beach have been hoisted up for the season. The windows on the houses facing the bay have been boarded up and storm-proofed. I have to walk the wooden stairs halfway down to a rock landing and then scramble down over boulders the rest of the way to the beach.

 I can't believe that on October 22nd, I launched myself off one of those boulders into the warm bay waters where I lay on my back for what seemed like an hour, letting the buoyant salt water hold me up. Now, a chill was in the air and I donned a long, lightweight down jacket. The sun was bright in the sky and and the waning full moon was still out. I stumbled down onto the gold sand. The water had soft ripples, but otherwise was flat and calm. I walked down on the sand. The tide was coming in. By 1pm, it would be up to the beach steps. The calm in the air was so gentle. The seagulls sat motionless on the beach and little sand pipers were actively eating bugs and algae by a patch of beach grass. A rippled sand bar stretched out for a mile. I walked out on it mesmerized by the intricate, grooved pattern in the sand. How these patterns form and then are washed away was symbolic to me. The sand glistened in the warm sun and little gold specks popped out. I picked up a handful of these tiny grains and let them sift through my fingers. So small, these grains of sand are, that make up the beauty of the the beach. The wild ocean and winds were always molding, shaping and changing the environment. Who knows, really, if this little sand bar known as Cape Cod would be here in the future? Well, it's here now. And I am here now.

Somehow I was able to ride the wind out and enjoy the calm after the storm. Our house is still standing and there wasn't any devastation. I knew that if I went INSIDE, deep within myself, I'd be just fine. I didn't need to get pulled into its fury or curse its sound. I could listen to it objectively, knowing that it wouldn't last forever. None of this is forever. And that, somehow brought me great peace and allowed me to step out into the calmness of the day today, fully present and fully alive. What a gift it is to be here now.

Healing for the Earth Day 28: More About Meditation by Guest Blogger Scott Walsh

Dear Earthlings,

 Day 28! Another fabulous post by guest blogger Scott Walsh. Enjoy!

Ah the coronavirus, the CORONAVIRUS!!  Have you heard the latest pronouncement from Gov. Inslee?  It’s now illegal to post something on Facebook that ISN’T about the coronavirus.  Ha ha, small joke there.  

I came across a quote from the 17th c. mathematician Blaise Pascal that is very appropriate for these times: “All (people’s) miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone”.  Way to anticipate social distancing 400 years ago, Blaise.  For myself, being told I should stay in my house IS in my comfort zone.  This morning before I arose I thought of the deliciousness of the morning routine to come: raising the blinds, pouring coffee out of that steaming, burbling little device I use, sitting down at my kitchen table to write as I watch streaked sunlight make its way across the backyard.  

Of course, full disclosure, it hasn’t ALL been domestic bliss.  In light of all that’s happening, insecurity about my economic prospects had me FREAKING OUT a few days ago.  I imagine this must be a widespread phenomenon.  Normal life as we know it has ground to a halt.  Suddenly, stopping to smell the roses has become one of the few remaining items on our rapidly shrinking daily to-do lists.  

As for freaking out, it helps that I have been a meditator for a few decades now.  What this means is, when I sat down and closed my eyes, I was able to put some borders around that little freaking out voice, which was yapping away like a small dog woken up by the mail carrier.  Here’s the thing about meditation: it’s a practice built around the fact that one thing we humans will always have, is the freedom to CHOOSE where we focus our attention.  

Some times it might seem that it’s not us, but what’s happening to us, that determines where our attention goes.  For instance, when it suddenly looks like my carpentry clients might have to withdraw their financial support because THEY’RE worrying how THEY’RE going to get paid, then you could say: but of course a little worrying on my part is natural. Unavoidable even.  

OK, I COULD say that, but it’s actually more than a little worrying.  Remember the solar eclipse?  What was that three years, though it seems like a lifetime, ago?  Remember how our fair friendly sun was COMPLETELY BLOCKED OUT for about an hour?  Well that’s worry for you.  All semblance of a pleasant, joyful, manageable existence is GONE.  It’s just OUT THE WINDOW.  

And not only does that SUCK, but as a believer in the Law of Attraction, because I’ve seen it play out so many times in my own life, I now hold as a TRUE FACT that worrying is a sure fire way to manifest SUCK-INESS IN THE FUTURE.    

For these two reasons then, when I sat down to meditate I wasn’t in the mood for half-measures.  The careening craziness of my mind, batting like a pin ball from one subject to another - from what my clients had said, to wondering about the future, to working out the probabilities of things - all of it had to STOP.  

There was all that mental screaming.  Yes, all that.  And then there was something else to focus on, the fact I was ALIVE, as evidenced by my breath: IN and OUT.  In and out.  In and out.  

But WHAT ABOUT THIS!!!!?????!!!!!!, went my mind.  And for a few seconds more I was carried away on a sleigh ride to the land of TUMULT.  Fear.  FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR !!!!!!!!!!  And Worry.  FEAR AND WORRY, FEAR AND WORRY!!!

It wanted to overwhelm me.  It wanted to carry me away, like water sucked down a drain.  

And for a while it seemed like it would.  For a few seconds.  The noise and the worry and the fear seemed like all there was.  But like I said, I’ve been doing this for a while, and I’ve learned to count on the fact that in the middle of whatever I might be feeling or thinking, there’s always life; there’s always the passage of time.  There’s always the ability to FOCUS on that unwinding journey from the present of now to the present that comes later.  

This, strange to say, helps.  It gives the lie first of all to the idea that circumstances determine what I give my attention to.  Actually no, I get to choose.  

Secondly, it quiets me down.  That yapping voice I spoke of is put inside a cotton-lined box, then it goes away entirely, as long as I keep putting my focus on the now.  My heart rate and breathing slow down.  

Thirdly, after doing this for awhile, the moment seems to EXPAND. 

If we are used to moving through time the way a person walks down a trail - then let’s be honest, as we go down that road, mostly we’re thinking about where we’re going and where we’ve been.  So, just by making the intention to stop and notice the scenery along the way, we get to the point where that scenery looms larger.

There’s the clock ticking that suddenly seems really loud, and the whoosh whoosh of cars going by.  The breath going in and out of my nose; now my nose itches.  Scratching nose.  This reminds me of a friend.  That was a weird conversation we had a week ago.  Then another thought piggy backs on that one, and another and another.  That’s thinking for you.  At some point I realize I’ve gone off track, and try to bring my mind BACK to the moment.  I notice in the interim my heart rate has gotten faster.  I notice the air entering and exiting my nose.  I notice that the time interval between all these things starts taking on a depth.  Rather than being a point, a milestone unceremoniously crossed along the ruler of time, the intervals in between start taking on a “thingness” all by themselves.  This doesn’t happen every time I meditate, but sometimes it feels as if I could take a right angle from where I’m going and delve into the minuscule micro-seconds of time like a skier cutting down a slope of untouched powder.  It’s a little hard to explain, a little freaky even, but it sometimes feels that everything there is is right there - a whole universe encapsulated in a single moment you could say.

The fourth and final thing I’ve noticed about meditation also doesn’t happen every time I do it.  The times it has happened however have profoundly affected the way I think about myself in the world.  

First of all, I want to say that I was attracted to meditation because there wasn’t too much in the way of doctrine or dogma or any sets of beliefs I needed to adhere to.  There was no need for a leap of faith.  There was only the intention toward staying aware about what was going on with me when I sat down to meditate, and a good word for that is MINDFULNESS.  The breath goes in and the breath goes out - the idea was to practice putting my focus there, and one word you didn’t hear very often in this tradition was “heretic”.  

But in the middle of all that a funny thing happened.  I would say that for me this was a significant thing; and saying that I understand that its significance would not necessarily be the same for everybody.  

Simply put, in the middle of some of my deeper meditations, I began to have the profound, and therefore very real sense that I was not alone.  I came away from these peak experiences with the impression that instead of being the singular glob of matter in a universe filled with similar objects the way my teachers in school had explained,  I was somehow part of a fabric that included everything, and like everything, my existence was somehow important, even necessary.  

It may sound crazy, because there certainly was no logic involved, but the deeply-felt perceptions I was having didn’t need a logical framework in order to satisfy me about their authenticity.  There was something about them that the innermost regions of my mind, what I would now call my “soul” responded to.  I believed in them without the need to second guess myself, and as I said, my whole world view changed.

Anyway, that’s what I have to say about this subject.  Good luck, and by way of a farewell, I’d like to repeat what I just said - and what I now whole-heartedly believe: that ALL of us are NECESSARY.  All of us are VITAL.

All the Best!

Scott Walsh is a teacher of meditation and and psychic techniques and is the co-founder of The Seattle Psychic Institute.  He has been practicing meditation most of his life, has been a psychic for 18 years and a teacher for 7 years.  The sense of connection, purpose and joy that practicing these techniques have brought him can’t be over emphasized.  

Healing for the Earth, Day 24: The Ways That Programming Hinders Your Spiritual Awareness by Guest Blogger Madeline Hartman

Hello fellow Earthlings!

Today's guest blogger is Madeline Hartman. I'm so lucky to have her on my blog today to share her wisdom. I have attended many classes at her school, Psychic Awakenings,  including an 11-month Clairvoyant Awareness Program. I learned so many amazing tools in these classes that I use each day.  Here is her blog post for today:


The Ways That Programming Hinders Your Spiritual Awareness by Madeline Hartman

We are playing this earthly game to learn how to bring our spiritual awareness into our physical bodies. It's by being in your body that you'll be able to use your spiritual gifts to create a meaningful, satisfying life. 


One of the biggest hindrances to our spiritual growth is our "programming." Being programmed means accepting someone else's ideas and thoughts as your own without thinking about whether or not those ideas and thoughts are really true for you. When you are living a life based on programming, it will be very difficult for you to truly know yourself and your life purpose. Especially if you have programming that spirit is not real. Or if you believe that You the Spirit doesn't even exist. 


Sometimes you are aware of when someone is trying to program you. The most obvious example is when you are out shopping. You know that the salesperson is going to do his or her best to get you to purchase something. You usually already have your guard up to protect yourself from buying something that doesn't really meet your needs. 


There are also many times when you are not aware that you are being programmed. Have you ever done something and then wondered, "Why did I do that? I wasn't intending to do that?" Or "Why did I say that?" What probably happened is that someone jumped right into your head with their thoughts, and you believed the thoughts and acted on them. Thoughts are real and can be very powerful! 


During the course of being socialized into society as a young child, it is natural to accept all kinds of programming. This is all fine and good because we do need some concrete ideas about how to relate to the world around us. Some of this programming is beneficial. For example, we learn how to behave at home, at school and in public. But some of the programming is not so beneficial, especially when the family holds racist or bigoted beliefs. These beliefs are definitely not fact-based. Fortunately, most of us get to the age where we start to question our family's beliefs and programming that do not serve us as well. In the families with healthy dynamics, the children are allowed to develop their own theories based on their own experiences. In dysfunctional families, the children are not allowed to ask questions or to think for themselves. Some parents withhold love, or worse, actually punish their children for trying to individuate. 


The best way separate programming from that which is really true for you is to meditate. Sit in a straight back chair with your feet flat on the floor. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Deliberately send down a strong energy grounding cord from your hips and plant it firmly at the center of the earth. Clear your space by spending at least ten minutes with the intention of releasing some programming down the grounding cord. 


The next step is to start looking at your beliefs. Think about one of them and ask yourself, "How does this belief serve me?" There are different ways to intuit the answer. It may be a thought that just pops up in your head. It may be a feeling of wellness in your heart. Or it may be a feeling of dissonance in your belly. If the belief does not resonate with you, then release it down your grounding cord. If it does resonate, then own it as your own information and keep it. Some of you may already be familiar with trusting your intuition. Others of you may need some practice. 


Meditation and spending quality time communicating with yourself are the essential keys to avoid living a life based on beliefs that don't help you to thrive. Your truths are not the thoughts in your head. Your truths are to be found by using your intuition to discover what resonates with your heart.

Madeline Hartman is the director and owner of Psychic Awakenings in Queen Anne, Seattle. Her extensive experience in both conventional and alternative counseling gives her a unique perspective and a wide range of skills with which she can support you. Since 1980 she has offered spiritual counseling in the form of readings, healings and psychic development classes. Her training began at the Berkeley Psychic Institute/Church of Divine Man where she was ordained as a spiritual minister. While at Berkeley she taught meditation and healing classes for five years. Madeline also holds a Masters in Social Work from the University of Washington.

Healing for the Earth, Day Three: Grounding

Hello fellow Earthlings,

Here's a little video on GROUNDING that I created for you all to help you release all that's in your space that doesn't need to be there. Much like deleting files on your computer that may be overloaded. Sometimes it's good to clear all of that out. The volume's a little low on this one, but you get the gist.

How y'all doing out there on our BIG BLUE MARBLE? Have you been able to get outside and breathe some fresh air? Have you taken a break from technology? Have you been able to take a few minutes to tune in? Today, I woke up late and didn't get much done. It's easy for all kinds of emotions to swirl around in my head and not have anywhere to go if I don't get outside! I don't know what it is about being outdoors. Perhaps there's a different language out there.

One that makes you stop and smell the roses.
One that makes you stare at new leaves on trees for several moments.
One that makes you notice a butterfly.
A BUTTERFLY!

Some say that there's no time to smell the roses. We've got a crisis here. People are dying. Our Earth is ailing. We don't have time. We need to keep ourselves active and informed and busy and on top of it and well-stocked and checked in with everyone and, and, and...there are a million things to do and find out and know and help with and do, do, do.

.Nature wants you to stop and notice.
 Nature wants you to be part of it!

Of course it's important to care and be informed about what is going on and to help others in any way that you see fit. Each person will have there own way.

As long as it is kind and compassionate and useful, it's all good.

One thing that helps me is to drop in and see how I'm feeling. That gives me a lot of information right away.

When I'm on my computer all day doing work or if I get on Facebook, while it's nice to connect, I don't feel connected to my body and spirit a lot of the time. Something in me and in nature longs for a connection. And when I'm able to do this, it's amazing medicine for the spirit.

Today I felt the need to GROUND OUT all the energy that is swirling out there. There are so many different news stories, posts, emails, thoughts, ideas, questions, concerns, worries, laughter (laughter is good), sharing, sadness, grief, anger. All of these are fine and GOOD, but if you are an empath like me, that stuff gets stockpiled in the system. Time to put it all on a disk drive or into the TRASH BUCKET just like on my Mac down at the bottom right of the screen.

Do you ever take time to empty out the trash or clean house? I can't operate unless I do this. Otherwise I'm a walking collection of every single thing I've picked up throughout the day.

One of the most marvelous things I learned in Psychic School was GROUNDING! We are on the EARTH and yet sometimes we float around on top of it never really sinking in to it. The EARTH is our home, without it we would not be here.

Grounding helps me to release that stockpile of all that I accumulated throughout my day so that I rest very soundly at night and am able to wake up refreshed the next day.

Out on Dungeness Spit, I found a little spot in the sand amongst the logs and stone altars created by fellow Earthlings down on the beach.

 I nestled in and created a little video on grounding for you all. The stones and sand really help me feel connected to the EARTH. They give me permission to let go of all that is not needed in my space so that I can be a receiver of what is needed. If I'm filled up with gunk, I can't operate very well. Kind of like a vacuum cleaner that needs the lint basket cleared out.

I walked down the beach to the natural totem pole that stood tall. No one knows exactly how it stood straight up like that. Some say a root ball from the tree dug deep into the sand making it a permanent feature on the beach. I felt my boots sink in the sand and really felt a connection. Just then an eagle landed on the top of nature's totem pole and looked me in the eyes.

I am a Scorpio and eagle is a symbol of my sign. I felt that the eagle was really witnessing me. We had a moment together and I felt very seen. Somehow I got the message that the work I'm doing here is good work for the Earth and I should keep going. This is what the eagle gave to me. Had I not stepped outside and walked down Dungeness Spit, I would not have met this eagle who is still in my heart reminding me that I too am part of this Earth and I can let go, tune in and ground at any time.

Peace to you my fellow journeyers. May you take a moment to ground each day and feel yourself on this EARTH! The Earth loves it when we recognize her and the animals definitely feel it!

Peace + Love + Light,
Katherine

A New Life

Universal Love by Anyes Barber

"I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom— how great is that?"—Soledad O'Brien

 Dear fellow Earthlings,

It's been so long. I haven't written since February when I was on Maui. Earth THINGS got in my way of corresponding. It was harder to hear the messages from my heart as I was being tossed and turned in a more active phase of my life. There was so much I wanted to share with you, but I hardly had time to catch my breath. Within the space of 4 months, I attended a week-long shamanic workshop with Hank Wesselman at Breitenbush Hotsprings in Oregon, traveled to Australia down The Great Ocean Road with fellow blogger sisters, slept in the outback under a blanket of stars near Uluru, and toured the North Island of New Zealand immersing myself in Maori culture. It was a whirlwind and I so wanted to write about it while it was happening. There were so many messages to convey, but, instead, I just absorbed it all like a sponge. I promise you, I will share it in my next book Venus on Fire. It is what I'm working on right now.

I touched down on American soil from New Zealand near the end of March on a Friday. I could feel the heaviness and busyness of being back in Seattle, in the city, where everyone had an agenda and things to do and places to go. There was a heaviness in the air. I wondered how far it had spread. Had it infected all of the United States? I wasn't sure. People weren't LISTENING. They weren't dropping down inside to hear. They were just moving. Cars were like ants and everyone was following what the others were doing. No one was questioning this way of life. It felt destructive. The image I had was of rats in a maze running around in circles but not finding any way out. Everyone was bumping into each other and the stress was enormous. Just beyond the maze there was a vast ocean and there were forests with towering trees that stood like ancient grandfathers. They beckoned these rat-like people to step back or step out of the maze. "Step off the path and look up at the moon," a voice seemed to say.

But I didn't do that. By Monday, I was back in the classroom at the community college where I've taught for the past 12 years or so. I went from attending a Maori Hangi (feast) out on the North Island of New Zealand, to teaching small business and ESL classes to 60 students. The transition was jarring. The journey of my spirit, which was deep and expansive, was cut short as I was abruptly transported back to the maze where it seemed I too was running in circles forgetting everything I had learned—forgetting to breath, to stop, to connect, TO SEE.

I bounced through my classes and life like a car that had just gotten a flat on a dirt road. I kept trying to roll that car along, but it was a rough ride. On top of the teaching load, I had to move out of my house of 12 years during finals week. My body gave up. I acquired new illnesses. I went to doctors, counselors, psychics. The message was that I needed to slow down and remove ALL STRESS from my life right away. I was not to put myself in stressful situations until my physical body had healed. Yet, the reality was there. I had to finish teaching and I had to move out. I asked for help and many people came and pitched in. There's a little unfinished business that others are helping out with, but other than that, I'm on to a NEW LIFE. One that better suits my heart and allows me to hear and honor the messages it's been sending out.

Life is not always logical. We don't always go from point A to point B. In fact, I'd be surprised if anyone's life has flowed along in a neat little package with no challenges, woes or battle scars. Of course, the pictures tell a different story. Social Media makes us believe that everyone besides us leads a perfect life with perfect children, spouse, parents, family, etc. In The USA, we are a country of doing and acquiring. There are certain rites of passage that are considered "normal" and if we are in the maze, we'd better do them so that traffic will flow along more smoothly. But the very things we agree to do and believe we SHOULD do, aren't always the things our hearts call us to do. And those rites of passage, as important as they seem, will not SAVE us. We can have a neat little life on the outside, but it's the inside work, the work no one can see, that will make the biggest difference. It's the practice of BE-ING rather than DO-ING. All the messages we need to hear are in the practice of be-ing.

My heart is calling me to take a different path. My heart is calling me to a new life. I'm scared as shit. That's the truth. I've always been the good girl. I've been a good citizen. I've tried to do the right things and follow along in the maze of life, but I'm being called to step off this well-trodden path. I no longer have a home. I left all that I previously knew. It was a dark tunnel getting here, one where I painstakingly sorted through pictures and memorabilia of a life now gone. I sold, donated or tossed most of my belongings. A small pile of things I couldn't part with yet are now in a storage unit. I am FREE.

FREE

I left my home at 9:30am yesterday and got on the 10:30 ferry to Kingston. On the ferry, I sat across from a Native American Artist's painting called The Raven's Journey about a raven who turns into a boy and searches for a box of light. I feel that's my journey too. After disembarking the ferry, I drove on through a dense forest and thick green vegetation to Port Townsend. The Sound opened up on my left as I turned onto Cape George Road. My car was packed with what I needed for a month. I am petsitting and writing for the month of July in a mandala house (round house). It's just me and Indio, the sweet dog I'm taking care of.

My room is the whole upper floor of the mandala house and it sits high up like a tree house. Last night the strawberry full moon shone through the portal window above my bed and filled the entire room. It felt like angels had entered. It lit up all the trees around the house. It was divine.

I'm listening now. I've stepped out of the maze and I'm out with the trees and the moon. My heart is rejoicing. It's showing me things I've overlooked— little things like wild strawberries, fox glove, the smell of pine, a chorus of birds. This is the life my heart wants. Slow, mindful,

FREE

Namaste sweet humans. More soon.....

Divine Earthly Experience 6: Forgiveness is a Strength, Not a Weakness

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Katherine Ponder

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

Wow, this Earth Game is not easy sometimes, right? So much going on in our lives and in the world. All of us carrying around one wound or another. It's as if we are not meeting, but our wounds are meeting each other. When our wounds meet each other, they don't usually shake hands or kiss or hug. When our wounds meet, they lash out! It's like a lion in its den licking it's paw—a bloody, mangled paw. Another lion or animal comes near and it reaches out with its healthy paw and STRIKES! Now two animals have bloody paws. Two animals are walking around wounded. Why did the lion in the den strike? Because it wanted to protect itself.

We are all doing this, to some degree. Some of us have become comfortable in hiding our wounds. We smile when we greet people. We even extend a hand. We say, "How are you?" And when we answer that question, we may say, "Oh, I'm great, couldn't be better!"

Is it true? You couldn't be better?

If so, I commend you! Your life is going GREAT and this is not the time to hear about wounds. In fact, you'd rather not talk about THAT because who knows what might come up that's just under the surface.

Have you looked to see what's just under the surface?

My life, not too long ago, was going along swimmingly, so I thought. Everything I had dreamed about came true: I was happily married, I had traveled all over the world, I had become an internationally published author. I felt on top of the world. I was at my peak and there could be no valley.

But then, suddenly, I found myself in that valley. Everything that was important to me had been stripped away. Can you imagine this? Can you imagine all that you love right now suddenly not being there?

No, I know, you don't want to think about it. Life is going GREAT and this is not the time. I thought that too. In fact, I avoided all things that had the tone of sadness, defeat or depression. I defended strength and inspiration with everything I had in me. Anything with a whiff of negativity was quickly whisked away or shown the door. I couldn't relate to people who were down in the dumps because I was at the top of my game. I didn't have time for it.

Until IT became my reality.

Now I understand.

No one is immune to it, unfortunately.

When it happened to me, I was ANGRY. Yes, I'm not afraid to say that my go to emotion, when things don't go as planned, is anger.

"How could you do this?" I said, through clenched teeth in a tone that did, in fact, sound like a wounded or dying animal.

I had just found out that my husband had had an affair. That he'd been secretly dating someone else for several months.

Oh, the humiliation! After all, I'd written a book about our marriage. It had been published in other languages even. Now what?

And the pain. I used my anger to cover my pain. The pain was unbearable. To know that my partner of twenty years was now dating a younger woman, that all his love that was once for me was now going to her.....well, shit, that just plain hurt. And the way that he tossed it all away as if it were nothing....ouch!

Four months after my husband moved out for good, I attended a 10-day silent meditation course. Usually I come out of those courses feeling blissful, peaceful, new and refreshed. For years, I've gone to these retreats and found them beneficial and still do. During the course, you have to face your REAL self. Stuff comes up to be released and some of it is not pretty, to say the least. For the first time ever, I came out of the course ANGRY. I wanted REVENGE and the ways I came up with to get revenge, were, well, a little scary. I even scared myself by thinking them. I'll spare you the details, but I'm sure you get the picture.

I rolled in anger for months. It was not pretty. Luckily, I also threw myself into every healing modality out there: massages, spas, therapists, acupuncture, hypnosis, meditation, synagogues, temples, churches, prayer, meditation. I am currently a regular student at Psychic Awakenings in Queen Anne, Seattle. I'm now in an 11-month Clairvoyant Awareness Program learning amazing tools for healing and reading myself and doing the same for others. I think my classes there have had the most impact on my healing and where I am now, but all of it certainly helped. I was committed to healing myself. It was the only thing I knew for sure that I wanted to do.

And while I know, a year and a half later, there's still more healing to do, I can say that it's all paid off.

Last Friday, I met my ex-husband in a coffee shop. I'd met him on very few occasions over the course of a year and a half because I wanted to wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way, as the song goes.

But this time was different. I wasn't angry. I kept waiting for my pulse to start rising. I kept waiting for the lashing out to start happening. I was waiting for my friend anger to show up, but she missed our coffee date completely. And what a relief that was. I can't tell you how good it felt to let anger go.

As I sat there, drinking coffee and eating a breakfast sandwich with my ex-husband, I instead saw him for who he was. I saw that he was a human, like me, currently going through a lot of suffering. I felt compassion. It surprised me. Compassion wiggled it's way up on the chair next to me and sat there attentively listening. I remembered the good times we shared over the twenty years we were together and even though it doesn't make what he did right, I forgave him. Right then and there, I forgave him. It wasn't just a word I said, it was a feeling of forgiveness. I really felt it. I wanted the best for him. I wanted him to be okay. I wanted him to find his spark again and I really felt it. It was a long road to feel like this. It could have been even longer had I not really wanted to heal or do the work to get there.

And what does forgiveness feel like?  To me, it feels light and loving. It feels like a big relief. It feels like dropping the protection and being vulnerable and real. It feels like coming out of my lion's den, even though I was wounded. It feels like freedom and permission to walk in the light again. It feels like connection and the understanding that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I forgive myself and I forgive you. I wish the best for myself and I wish the best for you.

I don't think I could have gotten there without forgiving myself first. I had to forgive myself for my anger. I had to forgive myself for being afraid of my wounds. I had to forgive myself for not being perfect or having a perfect life. After all, who the hell has a perfect life anyway? None of us would be playing the Earth Game if we were all perfect. We are all here to learn, not let everyone know that we are "perfectly fine".

If I hear anyone say, "I'm perfectly fine," I might be inclined to say, "Dig a little deeper." It won't be sarcastic; it will be an invitation. For whom are you living this life? For others? You have an opportunity to let go of a lot here. Evolution can happen, but not if you cling to old ways of being. Not if you hide your wounds deep down inside. Your evolution is the world's evolution. I believe this.

Go to the depth of your anger, sadness, ill-will, pain, un-perfect-ness....get down to the messy and uncomfortable stuff. Go in there. Don't be afraid. I promise you, on the other side of it all, there's love....a deep, deep wellspring of love. Love for yourself and for others. I know it's hard to believe and it doesn't come easy. I've still got a lot of work to do, but it's the greatest work I've ever done.

Have you ever forgiven someone? How did it feel?