Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Staring at the Blank Page

 "The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink clamoring to become visible."

--Vladimir Novokov

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you? Today, right now, I'm up on the second floor of my office, with sunlight shining through my window making my plants (and me) extra happy! I'm also staring at this blank page. 

The cursor is there waiting. It's blinking. I have so much to say both on this blog and in my new book. I think part of my problem is that I want to get it all just right rather than just getting it out and on the page. It stops me from writing at all. I have this idea that things need to be a certain way before they can become anything. It's hard to explain.

Here we are in March and February was a blur. I got off Facebook on February 15th. I needed time and I was wasting too much time on social media. I temporarily deleted my account so that I could focus a bit more. 

January and February were hard months for me. I went through some emotional and physical turmoil. As I mentioned in my last post, I opened Pandora's box when I decided to dive into my next book about transformation that was instigated by my first marriage ending. I had no idea that so much unresolved pain would resurface and manifest in both physical and mental pain. My eyes got infected, I got sick, I felt deep depression and the cold, gloomy weather didn't help. I went into self-care and self-healing mode and it felt right. I didn't produce much on the book front, but I did a lot of necessary healing.

Now I'm like the ground hog who pops his head up from under the earth to check if spring is here. It's time to spring forward, I feel. New energy is circling around me. I feel a shift. I had planned to finish three chapters of my book by the end of March, but I only finished one (I have a total of 100 pages written, but it all needs focus and some revising). I'm cutting myself some slack though.

I'm teaching two college classes online and it's been a lot of work. Winter quarter will end for me on the first day of spring. At least that's when I plan to get all the tests graded and all my administrative work turned in.

And then I'm going on an adventure...

It's been awhile. I'm on Trusted Housesitters (If you are reading this and want the link, I have a 25% off code for you, so let me know). I pet sit for animals all over the world. I love taking care of pets because I don't have any of my own and I like the idea of being able to travel and see new places. I've pet sat in Port Townsend, Seattle, Shoreline and Chimacum in Washington State, Hawaii and Rome and Lucca, Italy. My next cat sit is at a post and beam farm house on 50 acres in Connecticut where I will take care of one sweet cat. This sit happens to fall exactly on my spring break from college, so on March 23rd, I'll drive two hours to my destination. I will stay there for 10 nights and then drive back. Scott will come see me on one of the weekends. My goal on this sit it to WRITE, WRITE WRITE and tune into nature and nurture myself and take care of one adorable cat, of course! I may explore the little towns nearby too. I can't wait for this retreat. I am so looking forward to it!

Then, on April 3rd, I start a new college quarter and I'm teaching a DOUBLE LOAD of classes online. That will be challenging, but I am doubling up with the anticipation of possibly taking summer quarter off to travel, plan a wedding, etc.! We've rented out our Cape Cod condo for all of August and the first weekend in September. We plan to go to Europe to honeymoon before our wedding. (Eat your dessert first, you don't know what tomorrow will bring...lol). Then, on September 30th, we are getting married on Cape Cod!!! Whoa...crazy to say it and so much to do. 

Today I had a counseling session. I talked with my counselor about intention and flow. I have been able to manifest quite a bit in my life by setting intentions and collaborating with my higher self (God, universe or whatever you want to call it). The small girl in me is often contracted and afraid. I've been working on remembering that my higher self is ever present and willing to communicate with that scared, small girl who has been affected by grief, trauma, pain, etc. Those are things that happened, but those things are not me. The conversation between that girl and my higher self has been an incredibly healing one. In that conversation, I've been able to let go of quite a lot. I want to keep that communication open and ever present. It makes a huge difference on how I navigate my life.

So this blank page wasn't so scary after all. Not sure if it has any focus, but sometimes words just want to come out in whatever way and later the focus can be found. Last night I saw the movie Emily at Cape Cinema with Scott. It's about Emily Bronte and her life. The screen writer took a lot of artistic license, but it was a powerful character sketch of a woman who went through so much. She was powerful, raw, real, unafraid (yet also shy and scared when forced into formal situations or pressed to follow societal norms). I felt a lot of myself in her. She felt she had failed in some way, but she was true to herself which gained her lots of accolades. Strangely, that was not really what she was after. She needed to express herself. The scene where she was upstairs in her bedroom with a single candle and a quill pen staring at the blank page was so relatable to me. She had to open her big bedroom windows and let in the bird calls, and fragrances of flowers and the wild wind. Only then could she write. She let it all in and let the writing come just as naturally as the sun rises and nature creates a new day. 

I feel a lot of creative energy bubbling inside of me. The door between me and my higher self is open. The conversation is intimate. I'm letting the words come out and allowing them to land where they may. I'm feeling and sensing. I'm tuning in. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm going to let it all flow...

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: A Room of One's Own and other BIG NEWS...

Dear Fellow Earthlings,

“A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write...”—A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolfe

I finally did it. I got a 'A Room of One's Own' in December. I invested in myself. This may not sound like much, but it was huge for me. I have spent quite a bit of time getting the atmosphere just right. I've added plants, a sofa, a rug, etc. 

My Room of One's Own....

I found most of the furniture on Facebook Marketplace. I got a mid century sofa bed for $50, a huge Monstera plant and a bunch of other plants for $50. I also got these items for free: an accent chair, side tables and a gorgeous Moroccan mirror. The owners of the space I'm renting gave me a desk, office chair and two beautiful plants for free too.

Gorgeous sunset tonight from my Writer's Room

The office space I'm renting is 5 minutes from my home. It's an oasis of peace. As I sit here on the second floor in my heated room, I hear an owl hooting outside my window. I think I'm the only one here at 8:30pm on a Thursday. Most of the people in my office building are therapists and there is one real estate broker who is never here. This is interesting because I always thought that if I were to ever choose a different career for myself, it would be counseling.

 Earlier today, I treated myself to a foot massage and pedicure at a nail salon in my complex which consists of about 7 buildings total in a square around a large parking lot. The buildings are very aesthetically pleasing, with little houses attached together and set back from historical Route 6A. Besides the nail salon, there's also a day spa and a hair salon. I know, I know, it seems that I'm avoiding the actual work I set out to do here. And what is that work, you ask?

Well, I really needed a private space to myself to teach my college classes, online intuitive classes and I needed a place to offer psychic readings and finish my next book. For nearly three years, I've been teaching and offering classes in my bedroom on the Cape and while this seemed to work out okay when we were renting a big house in Eastham, it's been more challenging since we bought and moved to a one-bedroom condo. The space where I did all my college classes and tried to write was at the foot of the bed and my writer's chair and desk were often strewn with clothing, books, boxes, etc. I had to constantly push things aside to make space for my work and I was also sharing that space with Scott.

So this is a big move for me. The owners gave me all of December for free, so I don't feel guilty yet for not having done too much. I've spent most of the month just getting organized! I still have boxes of my journals and other writing material in the storage area of our condo. I need to get these things organized in my office and come up with a writing schedule.

I know I'm going to teach my college classes and hunker down and write this winter, but I'm also ITCHING to travel. Winter can be bitter cold and windy on Cape Cod. It's a bit daunting to think that I'm going to lock myself up here to write when I really feel like running away to a tropical location and enjoying. 

To stay active, I wake up at 7am and walk with my friends Christine and Katie and often go to yoga after our walk. If I miss walking at 7am, I try and walk at some point in the day. I find this is really important when the days are dark and cold.

In other BIG news, on November 5th, Scott reached into his backpack and pulled out a tiny box and said, "Should I get down on one knee or something?" Oh.My.Lord. I opened the box and inside was a tiny, silver filagree ring with a tiny turquoise stone that he chose himself. A promise ring. He asked me to marry him! We've talked about it a handful of times, but this was a surprise. I said YES! We've had an amazing almost seven years of love, joy and adventures as well as challenges that we've had to navigate, as every couple does. I feel like we've navigated the challenges quite well and are both emotionally intelligent enough to work together in finding solutions to those challenges. I feel good and excited about all the love and adventures to come!

With my sweet man on Christmas on Chapin Beach Cape Cod. Baby, it's cold outside!

 Now the daunting task of planning a wedding in the fall. It all seems so overwhelming that maybe we'll just elope? Not sure yet?

Also, this summer we plan to go to Europe. We can rent our Cape place out for quite a nice sum of money, so we've decided to travel. There's also those plans to figure out. By this summer, I'll be ready to travel again.

I have so many things I want to do that I'm finding it hard to focus and prioritize. I feel like sometimes I just want to soak up everything life has to offer and life has a lot to offer. I like to imagine and create. I am so happy I have a place to do that now. This place is quiet, cozy, warm, comfortable and very conducive to work. It's a writer's dream! Please send good juju so I can do something with this new investment and get the next book done!! It's been a long time and I'd like it to happen....

Here I go.....