Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Staring at the Blank Page

 "The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink clamoring to become visible."

--Vladimir Novokov

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you? Today, right now, I'm up on the second floor of my office, with sunlight shining through my window making my plants (and me) extra happy! I'm also staring at this blank page. 

The cursor is there waiting. It's blinking. I have so much to say both on this blog and in my new book. I think part of my problem is that I want to get it all just right rather than just getting it out and on the page. It stops me from writing at all. I have this idea that things need to be a certain way before they can become anything. It's hard to explain.

Here we are in March and February was a blur. I got off Facebook on February 15th. I needed time and I was wasting too much time on social media. I temporarily deleted my account so that I could focus a bit more. 

January and February were hard months for me. I went through some emotional and physical turmoil. As I mentioned in my last post, I opened Pandora's box when I decided to dive into my next book about transformation that was instigated by my first marriage ending. I had no idea that so much unresolved pain would resurface and manifest in both physical and mental pain. My eyes got infected, I got sick, I felt deep depression and the cold, gloomy weather didn't help. I went into self-care and self-healing mode and it felt right. I didn't produce much on the book front, but I did a lot of necessary healing.

Now I'm like the ground hog who pops his head up from under the earth to check if spring is here. It's time to spring forward, I feel. New energy is circling around me. I feel a shift. I had planned to finish three chapters of my book by the end of March, but I only finished one (I have a total of 100 pages written, but it all needs focus and some revising). I'm cutting myself some slack though.

I'm teaching two college classes online and it's been a lot of work. Winter quarter will end for me on the first day of spring. At least that's when I plan to get all the tests graded and all my administrative work turned in.

And then I'm going on an adventure...

It's been awhile. I'm on Trusted Housesitters (If you are reading this and want the link, I have a 25% off code for you, so let me know). I pet sit for animals all over the world. I love taking care of pets because I don't have any of my own and I like the idea of being able to travel and see new places. I've pet sat in Port Townsend, Seattle, Shoreline and Chimacum in Washington State, Hawaii and Rome and Lucca, Italy. My next cat sit is at a post and beam farm house on 50 acres in Connecticut where I will take care of one sweet cat. This sit happens to fall exactly on my spring break from college, so on March 23rd, I'll drive two hours to my destination. I will stay there for 10 nights and then drive back. Scott will come see me on one of the weekends. My goal on this sit it to WRITE, WRITE WRITE and tune into nature and nurture myself and take care of one adorable cat, of course! I may explore the little towns nearby too. I can't wait for this retreat. I am so looking forward to it!

Then, on April 3rd, I start a new college quarter and I'm teaching a DOUBLE LOAD of classes online. That will be challenging, but I am doubling up with the anticipation of possibly taking summer quarter off to travel, plan a wedding, etc.! We've rented out our Cape Cod condo for all of August and the first weekend in September. We plan to go to Europe to honeymoon before our wedding. (Eat your dessert first, you don't know what tomorrow will bring...lol). Then, on September 30th, we are getting married on Cape Cod!!! Whoa...crazy to say it and so much to do. 

Today I had a counseling session. I talked with my counselor about intention and flow. I have been able to manifest quite a bit in my life by setting intentions and collaborating with my higher self (God, universe or whatever you want to call it). The small girl in me is often contracted and afraid. I've been working on remembering that my higher self is ever present and willing to communicate with that scared, small girl who has been affected by grief, trauma, pain, etc. Those are things that happened, but those things are not me. The conversation between that girl and my higher self has been an incredibly healing one. In that conversation, I've been able to let go of quite a lot. I want to keep that communication open and ever present. It makes a huge difference on how I navigate my life.

So this blank page wasn't so scary after all. Not sure if it has any focus, but sometimes words just want to come out in whatever way and later the focus can be found. Last night I saw the movie Emily at Cape Cinema with Scott. It's about Emily Bronte and her life. The screen writer took a lot of artistic license, but it was a powerful character sketch of a woman who went through so much. She was powerful, raw, real, unafraid (yet also shy and scared when forced into formal situations or pressed to follow societal norms). I felt a lot of myself in her. She felt she had failed in some way, but she was true to herself which gained her lots of accolades. Strangely, that was not really what she was after. She needed to express herself. The scene where she was upstairs in her bedroom with a single candle and a quill pen staring at the blank page was so relatable to me. She had to open her big bedroom windows and let in the bird calls, and fragrances of flowers and the wild wind. Only then could she write. She let it all in and let the writing come just as naturally as the sun rises and nature creates a new day. 

I feel a lot of creative energy bubbling inside of me. The door between me and my higher self is open. The conversation is intimate. I'm letting the words come out and allowing them to land where they may. I'm feeling and sensing. I'm tuning in. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm going to let it all flow...

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Widening the Lens and Getting a Bigger Perspective

 

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I love taking photos on my walks. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with joy and delight in what I am seeing and witnessing that I want to capture it all, but it's too enormous.

While I can Zoom in on a tree's branches covered with white snow and capture how things look up close, I realize that this tree also holds many different kinds of birds in its branches. There are small berries and leaves and a big wide trunk with roots that go deep down into several layers of earth and then there's an entire underworld happening there that I can't capture or even begin to know about. So I'm just getting one small perspective of this tree.

Whatever I see is only part of the bigger picture. 

When I step outside into nature, I'm also part of this picture. I'm part of the bay with the tide receding, the bright sun overhead, the snow melting on the rocks, the razor clam shells, the bright green seaweed. 

I'm every little tiny grain of sand.

I'm that sun that lights up the entire sky. The same one that sinks below the horizon like a huge, orange liquid ball of fire.

From the micro to the macro, I'm part of it.

When I zoom my lens out far, I get the entire scene, but it still doesn't do justice to what I'm seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, touching and feeling. 

I can't capture the sound of the waves or the taste of salt on my lips or the frozen feeling of my feet walking through soft snow or the smell of cedar burning in wood stoves in houses on the bluff.

These are all pieces of the picture. 

Out here on Cape Cod, the weather can change in an instant. We can go from a sunny 55 degree day in the winter to a frozen 28 degree day with wind gusts up to 70 miles per hour. You just never know out here. 

My emotions and feelings are a bit like the weather. Something can set me off and I feel myself reeling for a while. The funny thing is that when I witness the shift in weather on my walks, I'm able to recognize it simply as a change in weather.

Somehow emotions are bit trickier. It seems that everyone's emotions are on high these days. One little bit of information from a friend or loved one or a snippet of news from social media can set me off down a rabbit hole of confusion, anger or disbelief. 

Have you ever found yourself looking at one thing online and then next thing you know you've followed the information trail down into a hole that is a bottomless pit of information, opinions, ideas, thoughts, angry words or convincing arguments? It's pretty easy to do these days. 

Most of the information out there feels like it's meant to distract and divide people.

These days, when I feel that chaotic feeling creeping in from online information overload, I literally shut off every single device in the middle of whatever I'm doing and head out into nature. I'm able to walk away and leave my work for an hour or so because I work from home and I set the hours. This is one of the silver linings of my online job.

The other silver lining is being able to live out here on Cape Cod, out in the middle of the ocean, where nature literally calls me outside constantly. 

The bigger perspective is right out my front door right now. We don't have street lights out here, so millions of stars and the Milky Way are often visible on a clear night. Sometimes, while working, I hear an owl or a coyote and go up to the upper deck to listen. Sometimes the moon lights up our entire master bedroom on the second floor or the wind howls and shakes the windows in their frames or we wake up to snow gently falling all around us. 

The bigger perspective is always right there and it's not an accident that I've put myself  smack dab in the middle of Nature, where it's hard not to see it. 

The information highway comes to me through a tiny screen on either my phone or computer. It comes in pixels that join together to create this virtual reality.

Outside, the lens is wide. With each step I take outside my front door, I feel a release of all the heavy baggage that has somehow taken up space in my being. 

All of it leaves me instantly when I step outside. It's the one thing that is keeping me sane these days. A call and response conversation with a bright red cardinal high up on a tree branch is more real for me than talking into a computer with tiny squares of pixeled people.

I miss deep connections with people out here. I really do. I have my boyfriend and a few friends, but I miss face to face conversations and looking directly into people's eyes. I miss hugs and body language and laughter and sitting in the same room with people breathing. 

I get a sense of that when I walk outside amongst people, but it's not the same as sitting in a live circle with like-minded souls. 

Inside millions of rooms around the world people communicate with each other virtually. This is both amazing and disturbing at the same time. These quick, short words we type to each other don't tell the full story. The lens is too close. I can't see the full picture. 

I can't hear the inflection in your voice, 

Or see your eyes,

Or feel your touch,

Or really know what's going on inside. 

For now, nature will have to do until I can really experience YOU.

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Nature Vs. Technology

"Look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better."—Albert Einstein

 Today the sun was high when I woke up at 8:30am. I ate a breakfast of oatmeal and coffee, threw a load of laundry in the washing machine, cleaned up a bit and got dressed. All I could think about was getting OUTSIDE. 

Getting outside here on Cape Cod is actually how I get INSIDE. It's my REAL communion with the world. 

Today the clouds were puffy and white. I wandered down the shell path to the beach steps. The water was calm and clear and the clouds were smattered across the sky as if Bob Ross himself had joyfully brushed them in to being like the 'happy little clouds' he is known for. 

As soon as I take note of Nature, it takes note of me. This has been my experience. I'm no longer separate from it. It's as if a door opens and I'm ushered in where millions of miracles are happening all at once, me being one of the miracles. 

Of course we've seen everything in Nature before. Nothing is new, right? 

We've seen stars, clouds, the sun, the moon, trees. We've felt soft sand between our toes, tasted the sweet nectar of Nature in an apple picked fresh from a tree. We've smelled roses and lilacs. We've heard the waves lap at the shore. We've experienced it all, so why is Nature still so mesmerizing? Why do we need it and want to be out in it?

I don't know about you, but I'm constantly informed by Nature. The more I open the door and step in, REALLY STEP IN, the more I come out with a truer sense of who I am. 

It's as if all of the molecules in my body begin to dance with the sounds, sights, tastes, touches and feelings of Nature. 

Nature is very much a sensual experience. In witnessing it, I witness myself. We aren't separate. I long for that connection more than anything. It calls to me each day.

If Nature is feeling, Technology is THINKING.

The imagery I see, hear, or feel through technology is NOT THE SAME as what I experience with nature. Nature is REAL and tangible. It's light and bright, even when it is dark. 

 What I experience through technology is cold and metallic. Lately, the imagery feels dark and fear-producing. Technology has been created by humans as a way to bring the world closer to us, but are we meant to see the world all at once on a man-made screen? Could, perhaps, what we are currently experiencing through technology be completely man-made?  Is this the future of how we will interact? Will we all be staring at boxes feeling emotions that are happening to us through the INTERNET? Will we lose our connection to MOTHER NATURE herself and use her only as a means to an end rather than a way of connecting deeply to everything. 

Well, these thoughts come as I sit down at my computer. After all, this is how most of us are communicating these days. I feel that cold sensation again. It creeps in and leaves me with a buzzing in my ears, a tightness in my jaw and head and a soreness in my neck and back. Just as soon as I sit down, I want to get up and put my feet in the sand out in the driveway of this beach house—anything to unplug from technology and touch back down deep into the Earth's soft folds.

In my dreams, Nature visits me. I feel I'm being guided by merely opening to her. She tells me to keep tuning in. She tells me to rise above the noise and chaos—that BEING is just as important as DOING, if not more so—particularly NOW.

And it's not only the clouds that stood out today. While the clouds were large and lofty and begged to be noticed, tiny shells and grains of golden sand at my feet held just as much magic in them. My shoes sank into those soft grains on the beach and with every step I took I imagined all the darkness that's been swirling around on the Earth through technology get washed out by the salty water of Cape Cod Bay. Mother Nature is so much wiser than anything humans have created or destroyed on on this planet. She has so much compassion and patience for us. She only asks us to take notice of her.

Reflections of 2020: Following Nature's Pulse

 

For me personally, when I tune into nature and let it be my teacher and guide, I find most of the answers I seek. Nature is highly intuitive, so it makes sense that my own intuition would be heightened in nature and my own personal vibration would be higher by merely tuning into my environment. Reflecting on 2020, I chose nature over news. Some may think this is crazy. How could I have possibly avoided the news?  It was everywhere. The truth is, I got it all without needing to watch it all. I was and am aware of what is going on. I found that when I watched news images, it put me in a place of fear and helplessness and I did not feel empowered. I chose to focus inward more and it helped me immensely during a time that was and is difficult for many. Instead of getting battered by the waves on the ocean, I chose to dive deep down where things were quiet. And not so surprisingly, I was able to help others during this tumultuous time from this place of balance and peace.

Instinctively, I chose to move away from Seattle in December 2019 and move to Sequim, Washington, to my parents' house. They were in Arizona for the winter and spring. This was a few months before the pandemic hit. I also arranged to teach online at my college for winter quarter without intellectually understanding that I'd be the first in my college department to be teaching a mostly online class several months before we'd all have to be online. Spring quarter, after the pandemic hit, I'd be asked to assist teachers in navigating online classes. I felt happy to serve in this way and to serve students from many different countries, some who found themselves alone in a country that was not theirs in the midst of a pandemic.

It wasn't a surprise that during this difficult time, I was surrounded by the incredible and nurturing beauty of Nature. I sensed what was coming and there were clear markers along the way and in my dreams that I've written about on this blog that perhaps prepared me in some way to be where I was.

There was a lot of work I was meant to do out there. I connected to the Native energy and frequently meditated, played my elk drum, met with other like-minded individuals online.

 On this blog in March, I wrote a Healing for the Earth series for one full month and guest healers/psychics also wrote posts. Down the street from my parents' house is Jamestown beach and the grave of Chief James Balch, a Native of the S'Klallam tribe. I frequently walked on that beach and played my elk drum down there by the Eagle Totem Pole. I made a medicine wheel on the beach made of shells and branches. Eagles frequently flew over me while I sat there on a log. Something unexplainable was happening. Healing on a level that I didn't fully understand with my limited human brain was taking place. I wasn't the only one doing this work. There were millions doing the work in both the physical and spiritual realms. There were people chanting, meditating and praying. Things were SHIFTING RAPIDLY. Many Earthlings were going through crises of all kinds. Some that I know are no longer on this Earth plane. Some worked the front lines in hospitals. Some barely made it through day to day living. I chose to hold steadfast to Nature. One morning I woke up and decided to hike the entire 11 miles of Dungeness Spit to the lighthouse. I got there at low tide mid-afternoon and did not return until the sun went down and the moon rose. I was the last soul on the beach that night and trekked through the last stretch of forest alone in the dark. I still remember the sea lion that emerged from the water at sunset, as if to say, "Hello!"

 There's a rhythm in nature that soothes me. There's a life force that follows an order so high that nothing can mimic or duplicate it. Through technology, humans have somehow lost touch with this pulse that has so much wisdom. Our ancestors knew of this wisdom. They understood the wind, the stars, the moons cycles. They knew how to find food and how to create shelter. They respected the land and even respected the animals they killed and ate. There was reverence for everything in Nature. Now, Nature is there to serve us, not teach us. 

In May 2020, my family returned to Sequim and I tried to move into my boyfriend's house in the city, but the city was too harsh for me with its traffic and noise and excess of human consumption. I think perhaps I'd gotten rather sensitive to being close to nature and it felt like quite an assault to the system to try to go back. So in June, I rented a cottage on Whidbey Island and in July I rented a tiny house in Port Townsend. I was back on the other side of the pond close to beaches and old growth forests. There, I continued to do the work I had done in Sequim. I swam in Discovery Bay and biked the Discovery Trail all the way to Port Angeles. I ate wild berries and picked wild flowers and sat outside in the grass staring at millions of stars. I communed with herons and eagles and hawks. The deer made frequent appearances. I wasn't off-grid, but I might as well have been. I continued to teach online through my college. My boyfriend would come on weekends from the city and he'd always feel so energized from the Nature in each place I stayed. Because I chose to live in smaller towns, I did not encounter as many people as I would in the city. I could hike freely sometimes without meeting a soul. This was a luxury, I realize now. 

As August was fast approaching, I knew I needed a change. I didn't want to settle into my boyfriend's place in the city AND his place was going to be torn down anyway to widen the road for, guess what??  MORE CARS! So we made a big decision. We decided to pack up his truck and I sold my car and we drove across country on September 2nd to Cape Cod, Massachusetts, his home town.

 We rented a house in the off-season on the Lower Cape. It's wild and more primitive out here. We are literally living on a sand bar with only 3 miles of land between the bay and the Atlantic Ocean. Nature is not to be messed with out here. This is where the pilgrims landed. This is where many shipwrecks have occurred. The wind and the waves ask you to move with them, not against them. I've seen the wind have its way with birds that lay dead on the shore. I've seen red foxes in my yard and sea turtles in the dunes. Recently a dead dolphin washed ashore on our beach. Most likely it was hunting fish and got caught in low tide. I've seen waves freeze from air so cold it bites right through your skin. I've experienced 70-mile-an-hour gusts of wind out here that shook my windows so strongly I was sure they'd break. I've also seen the ocean like glass, soft and welcoming even in early November, when I kicked off my sandals and sank into its smooth folds, letting it envelop me in its deliciousness. I've biked and walked and kayaked my way around this spit of sand. I don't have a car out here, so those are my modes of transportation, unless I drive my boyfriend to work in his truck so I can have the car for a day. He's working for his college friend as a carpenter out here. He repairs beach steps and builds decks and fixes trim for people with summer homes that are no longer here. I'm still teaching online for my college back in Washington. I feel blessed to be able to do that and be able to live in such a wild nature place. It's the best of both worlds.

For me 2020 has been all about Nature. I can't really sum up all that I've tuned into. From the ladybugs that are found crawling into the house to escape the cold to the sunsets that burn the sky red and orange to freezing waves and whipping winds. This place calls me outside constantly, no matter what the weather is doing. It calls me to tune more into IT and less into what is happening in the news on the BOXES THAT WE WATCH—TVs, computers, cell phones. That's not where my attention has been this year.  Maybe I've missed out? Maybe I don't know what's really going on?

But when I turn to Nature, I feel more informed than I ever have been. I feel at peace and at ease and I feel guided. I see signs and symbols everywhere and my intuition is strong. I wait for my next move like an eagle waiting high in a tree to swoop down and catch a fish. From up there, the view is WIDE. I'm able to sense and see more. I come from Nature after all, so it makes sense to me to follow Nature's pulse.

Reflections on Self Healing Day One: Walking With Your Wounds Wide Open

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I thought I'd try my hand at a poem today. I used to write poetry in college and even published some of my poetry, but gave it up long ago. Well, here, I go:

Walking With Your Wounds Wide Open

That place

where you touch me

makes me recoil

in fear

that you will see my wound

beneath masks

smiles are

hidden

And I'm safe

for now

perched 

high above

in this 

nest 

over 

the 

city

where 

no one 

can 

see 

my wound.

Facebook 

Fakebook

who 

are 

you 

inside?

What if our wounds met?

What if we removed the masks?

What if you saw 

who I really am?

Heart to heart

Hand in Hand

Don't touch

Don't breath

Don't speak

Just hold me close

in 

silence.

Well, that poem just wants to be there for now. Most of my writing is stream of consciousness. I don't edit much. The last few days have been an assault to the senses, all of them beaten raw. Three days ago, I felt like a bird that had entered a building and was trapped inside frantically looking for an exit. I felt like I was banging my bruised body against glass. I so want everyone to be okay, but I am not. I'm not here to please you and I don't owe you anything. My life and my story are just as important as yours. If we could walk with hands over hearts and say, "I see you and I feel you," what a world we would have. Fighting, anger, the silent treatment, narcissism, control, assumptions, false perceptions, medication, spiritual bypass, corruption, manipulation, alcoholism, drug addiction, lying, stealing, speaking behind others backs are all there like royal cloaks covering these gaping wounds. I too have participated in this madness. What in the world are we doing? All of it made me want to flee and so I took up residence in this perch high above the city for a few days. I took off my mask and my shoes and sat here on the edge of the bed with nothing on but this wound. It's the one I've carried around since childhood. It's the one that pleases and wants everyone to feel okay. It's the one that worries that I'll say something that will upset you. It's the one that is afraid to get too close to my lover because I might let down my guard completely and be seen and fully loved for who I am. It's the wound that keeps getting reinfected because I let others trample all over it. I keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, only to get smacked down again. Did I tell you that I have a really good counselor? She has seen me since my husband left. She couldn't get through to him, but she got through to me. She sees right into my soul and holds me in that place where it hurts and sits with me there and tells me "That's where the good work is happening, let's stay there." And her heart opens wide and so does mine. Your story and your life are important, but what story do you want to live now? I am done carrying this wound around, but in order for it to heal, it needs deep love and attention.  No one in the world can give me that love and care if I don't give it to myself. Two nights ago, I took a bath in the clawfoot tub. Inside I sprinkled scented Himalayan salt. Salt for the wounds is so painful, but so healing. I sat in that steaming water and let it soothe me. I let go and allowed myself to be cradled in that warmth. And when I got out, I rubbed coconut oil over my skin and took deep sips of herbal tea and breathed. And I saw that this spot was no longer raw and exposed and vulnerable. I saw that it was healing and that it was not in danger of being cut open again because it had received the proper attention and care. It had received my own deep love. And this morning, after being here alone for three days without much interaction, I walked through the city in the pouring rain through half-deserted streets and boarded up shops and I knew, with full confidence, that I will never again hide who I am. I'm not afraid anymore. I'm going to fly high. Soon I will fly from this perch, but I won't be going back to where I came from. I'm flying to where my heart sings! I'm heading back to where the eagle soars. I know what it feels like to have those piercing eyes stare straight into my soul. 

The eagle that stared into my soul at Dungeness Spit

The eagle is Scorpio's totem along with the Phoenix. I wear the sign of death and transformation. I'm not afraid to die. While a scar may still remain, it doesn't brand me for life. I'm free to choose my path. I'm free to die each day. And this story will be written and it may not be the one you thought you'd read, but it will be true and it will be good.

Healing for the Earth, Day 23: Sharing Your Gifts with Others and the Earth

Hello fellow Earthlings,

"My Teacher has told you how a word from her hand touched the darkness of my mind and I awoke to the gladness of life. I was dumb; now I speak. I owe this to the hands and hearts of others. Through their love I found my soul and God and happiness. Don’t you see what it means? We live by each other and for each other. Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much. Only love can break down the walls that stand between us and our happiness."—Helen Keller

Today is the full moon in Libra. Full moon is a time when you can really let go of what is not serving you or working for you anymore. It's time to shed identities or fears and stand up in who each one of us truly IS and share those gifts!

Today I met with 25 healers, seekers, meditators, shamans, body workers, psychics, and visionaries for a Healing the Earth Summit meeting that I called together on this full moon day. Wowza, was that powerful. So many beautiful Earthlings offering and sharing their gifts.

Many of us had different traditions, religions, ideas, paths, circles, but one thing we all shared is a desire to heal ourselves and the planet for the greater good of all beings.

Drumming was offered, meditations were offered, a poem, beautiful Sufi words, a Hawaiian oli (chant), quotes from wise people. All of it was a healing soup that we drank together even though we did not know everyone in the group. These were circles overlapping other circles. Tribes coming together in peace. We are stronger together. When we meet like this, we create such a powerful force in the world. It may seem like it is so small, just a drop. No, it's HUGE. It has ripple effects that go faaaarrrr beyond what we can see.

We are in isolation because of a global pandemic virus, but this isolation can't stop us from coming together and creating medicine together and offering our gifts to the Earth.

Today was a tough day for me with three intense meetings for my college. I felt like throwing in the towel. It all just felt too overwhelming. But after the Healing the Earth Summit meeting, I felt so much energy. I felt like I was being carried by something much greater than myself.

It was as if we were all in a canoe together and we were all paddling and we all were there because we had faith that coming together was not only good for each one of us, but good for the Earth and all beings on it as well.

After our meeting, I had a strong urge to take all of that good energy that was created and walk to Jamestown beach to watch the full moon in Libra rise. I knew it was rising at 7:35pm and there it was, a HUGE orange ball coming up over the mountains casting its bright light across the water. The energy of this pink full moon (as they call it in the spring) was so enormous. Have you ever looked right into the a super moon? It's like a womb. It looked like a fetus was curled up inside waiting to be born. I really feel like we are birthing a new planet right here and now. This is the time.

It's amazing what we can do when we come together. We need more coming together. More sharing of our amazing gifts with the Earth and all beings on it. Don't be afraid to stand up and share your gifts. Stand up and offer them without fear. The world needs you right now! If you are already doing that, I bow to you deeply. Thank you for your offerings. Thank you for being YOU!

Healing for the Earth, Day 20: Finding Moments of Exquisite Beauty

Hello fellow Earthlings!

How are you doing???  Hanging in there?

I can't believe today marks 20 days straight of writing Healing for the Earth posts on this here blog. I can tell you that writing these posts have helped me immensely.

Healing for the earth (including all beings on the Earth) has become my mantra for the past 20 days and I can feel a shift.

Today's post is about finding exquisite beauty in things we might overlook or finding beauty in usual things. I'm in a drum circle and my friend River leads the circle. She always talks about finding moments of exquisite beauty and I realize they are everywhere and in every moment. The Earth is full of breathtaking moments.

Lately, with all that is going on in the world, I'm finding it even more important to show up on the planet full of gratitude and I'm also finding it more important than ever to see the beauty that is all around me. Even though the state of the world is in a flux and things are uncertain, what is certain is the fact that BEAUTY IS STILL HERE! It's in a flower, tree, our breath, the wind, the sun, the stars, the moon, the grass....wow!

What you tune into is what you will have more of. I find this to be true.

The other day I was walking down the beach and I saw a man and his dog way in the distance. He was singing and throwing a ball to his dog and they were both so blissful. I could feel their bliss and it made me happy. On that same beach, a woman was walking, flailing her arms and shouting about the state of the world to her friend on her cell phone. It was a gorgeous day out and she was walking on a beach with white puffy clouds above her and warm sun all around her and waves gently lapping at the shore. Sand dollars and seashells were scattered across the rocky beach, but she didn't notice any of it. She was not aware of where she was at all. She missed the beauty all around her.

Every moment of our lives is a tremendous gift. There is beauty here if we can just open to it. How often do you really tune into beauty? Do you see it around you? Do you feel it? We are so lucky to walk on this Earth. We are so lucky to be here. Don't take any moment of it for granted. Nothing is promised. Tomorrow is not promised.

Recently I repaired my bicycle and I've enjoyed taking it on bike rides around the mostly deserted streets of Sequim. I've had the same bicycle since college. I think I got it in 1989! It's a Cannondale mountain bike. I've thought about getting a new one, but this bike is perfectly fine and served me well all these years. I'm going to keep it for as long as I can.  I love riding it to the beach at sunset. I also love riding my bike up on the bluff above Cline Spit and seeing all the eagles and hawks. Sometimes I'll see a herd of deer munching on greenery in a nearby farm. Or I'll see a bumblebee or a butterfly or cherry blossom trees or pine trees. All of these things make me happy. All of them hold such beautiful energy.

If I'm able to hold those moments in me, I believe there will be many more of them. If I'm able to see exquisite beauty all around me, particularly in times of chaos and stress, then perhaps it's an indication that hope and love still exist. You create the reality that you see around you. What are you tuning into? Have you been aware of any moments of exquisite beauty lately?

Healing for the Earth, Day 19: Finding a Healing Circle

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you all doing out there? How are you feeling? Are you getting the support you need in these uncertain times?

Making it through this difficult time would not be easy without my support groups. I meet my counselor regularly and I'm also part of a meditation group and a shaman drum circle. On top of that, I run Seattle Psychic Institute with my boyfriend and I do reading/healing trades with several psychics. I also find time for a regular meditation and yoga practice and take a walk each day. These things keep me sane.

Here's a little video I made down on Jamestown Beach, near where I live, about finding support with a healing circle:

I spend a lot of time alone out here and I'm processing very intense energy. Each night when I go to sleep,  I am aware that I'm downloading lots of new information. I feel very connected to the Native energy out here and the wild animals, but if I did not have the support of my regular healing groups, it would be hard to process all that new information on my own.

I really believe we are all going through a new paradigm shift. We are moving into a new way of being on the Earth. We have all been living our lives in a certain way and gotten used to certain things and now we are moving into a very new way of being in the world.

This will take some adjusting. Getting support from my healing circles helps me realize that I'm not alone in this process. Also, when I can meditate or drum or do healing work with others, the energy is much stronger. I'm able to feel a bigger force at work and this carries me. We are never alone really. We are all interconnected. We have the help of friends in circles and also help from a higher source and other spirits when we tune in.

It doesn't matter if you are in a mediation, drumming, prayer, yoga, tai chi, qi gong, or psychic healing circle, all are helpful in connecting you and supporting you as we move through this shift that is happening right now on the planet.

Do you have any circles that are supporting you right now?

In love and light,
Katherine

Healing for the Earth, Day 16: Turn off the News and Turn on Nature

Hello Earthlings,

How are y'all doing out there? Are you getting rest? Are you getting out in nature or at least breathing in some fresh air?

The news is pretty prevalent on the internet and TV right now. It's all over the place. Some of it is very important information that we need to be aware of, but watching the news and tuning into the thousands of news posts on social media 24-7 can make a person go crazy. Seriously. It's not healthy for fellow Earthlings.

You could probably get all the news you need to know in an hour or less each day. I find it healthy to maybe select a few credible places where you intend to be informed and leave the rest.


Here's a little video I made on my walk in the rain today, where I didn't see a single soul, so I was able to keep my social distance from other Earthlings. Out here in the countryside, it isn't hard to do. My counselor calls my channel of choice the Nature Channel. I like that one.

I'm aware of the turmoil out there, but I have decided that it is not helpful to the world if I'm in turmoil too. I can have compassion for what we as a species are going through. I have been offering love and support individually to several friends and collectively in my thoughts, prayers, chants,  drum sessions and meditations to all beings and our planet. This may not feel like much to some, but when I tune into the bigger picture and offer this gift of peace and healing, I find it to be so powerful. It tunes me in with all the other millions of people doing the same and collectively I can feel that energy.

The other thing that can offer so much incredible healing to Earthlings right now is tuning into the EARTH that we are living on. Yes, this big blue marble we call home. This crisis is not a human problem, it's an Earth problem. If we separate ourselves from nature and our planet by making ourselves the only important beings here, we are going to suffer.

In nature, ALL is there for us. Our water, air, sun, fire, material for our houses, and food has always been there for us. It's what sustains us and keeps us alive, actually. And the animals, particularly the wild animals, are speaking. They are literally SPEAKING! I now understand why our ancestors had such a strong connection to the land and animals. They understood very clearly that without them they could not live. Indigenous people have always known this. In my meditations I feel we are being called as a species to WAKE UP and remember that we are also part of nature and to survive we need to work in harmony with it.

I know, from all the news, that we are to keep ourselves 6 feet away from all people other than our family members and partners in order to flatten the curve of this virus. I'm respecting this, We Earthlings are also supposed to sanitize ourselves by washing our clothes, our bodies, our hands, etc. This is working very well. I'm proud of everyone for doing their part.

  I'm also enjoying the gentleness and quietness of our species who are normally so loud and dominant in the world.

We may be loud in our homes, but outside all is quiet. I hear a heard of elk walked down Cannon Beach in Oregon. A herd of ELK! When I see Earthlings outside now, here in the countryside where I live, they walk so mindfully and contemplatively. They keep huge distances from each other and respect space. They look so beautiful, as if they have just woken up to this precious planet that we all have been rushing around on.

You don't have to walk far to hear the quiet stirring of nature again. You don't have to do too much to feel that it has changed and a big part of it is that we are not running the show out there now. We were sent to our rooms! And those who venture outside for a walk, at least out here where I am living, have found a way to connect again.

On the beach today, way off in the distance, I saw a fellow Earthling walking alone in the rain and she was beautiful, the way she moved. And it brought me back to a time before our time when we used to walk like that, paying attention to the direction of the wind and the position of the sun and the sound of bird calls. Behind some logs on the beach, I found the medicine wheel I made with by boyfriend before the lockdown happened. I was delighted to see that it had remained completely untouched for over a week!

Today I spent time in meditation with a few friends virtually. We spent about an hour in silence together. Afterwards I felt so much peace and gratitude. We are all in this together. Be gentle with each other. There's so much love out there. There is so much healing happening! Thank you, each one of you, for doing your part.

Healing for the Earth, Day 15: Mana Iho (Self Empowerment) by Guest Blogger Kau'i Auwae

Today's guest blogger is Henrylyn Kau'i Auwae. Originally from the Big Island of Hawaii, she currently lives in the Seattle area and boy are we lucky to have her RIGHT NOW in these times we are living in. I first met Kau'i in a shaman journey at a retreat at Breitenbush led by Hank Wesselman.  That means that I met her in the dream realm. It was an extremely powerful experience that I shared with the circle at Breitenbush and it changed my life significantly and pointed me clearly to the path I am now on. When I left Oregon to return to Washington, someone told me of a workshop that I might enjoy which was led by Kau'i. When she walked into the room, I nearly fell over. She was the woman from my shaman journey. Kau'i comes from a line of healers and her grandfather, Papa Henry, was a beloved Hawaiian healer and kahuna. She teaches Ho'oponopono classes that I highly recommend. She has one coming up online through Seattle Psychic Institute. You can click on this link to find out more about this online class starting on APRIL 3! If you are going through a hard time right now or need more connection, peace, self-love and ALOHA, I recommend this class. Here's Kau'i with a message for us about Mana Iho, or self empowerment. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful.

Mana Iho in ʻŌlelo Hawai'i means self empowerment or self power. Though Mana Iho starts with choice first and foremost. Mana Iho is limitless when you OWN your power to choose. 

In these uncertain times that we are living in currently, we may not be able to change the situation. Though we can always change our perception of our current situation. We all are able to make a choice to stand in our own power. Because we have the ability to create for ourselves anything we desire.  It is through our ability to choose and create that we are truly able to own our power and EMBODY self empowerment. 

The power to live a life of Mana Iho comes with the understanding that we, as individuals, are the creators of our own reality. A creation of our personal reality that we desire for ourselves. Take a moment and breathe..... 

Know that we have the ability to release anything that isn't in alignment with our truth or doesn't resonate within. Whether it be old habits or constructs that are holding you back from your true potential, or a relationship that no longer resonates or not rewarding yourself with needed self love. You know what you need in order to stand in your power. 

Take another moment to breathe....

Are you brave enough to stand within your power? 

Are you willing to make the necessary choices to be Mana Iho?

Are your choices here and now keeping you in a stagnant position or allowing you to flow and adapt to our changing surroundings?

Give yourself permission to experience the true greatness, brilliance, and beauty of all things. YOU have the ability to make the CHOICE that resonates for you and your well being. Know that all things are possible for us all when we stand in Mana Iho. Be willing to be the GREATEST YOU, that you can be, as you stand in Mana Iho.


Henrylyn Kau'i Auwae is a licensed massage therapist, Ho'omana practitioner, Ho'oponopono facilitator, Kanaka Maoli cultural practitioner, certified Reiki practitioner and  an intuitive tantric healer. She is the founder of Ola Mai I Loko Mai. As a Kanaka Maoli cultural practitioner, she teaches and shares her 'ohana lineage on numerous cultural aspects, such as Hula, Lomi, and Ho'oponopono. You can find her on her website at olamaiilokomai.com

Healing for the Earth, Day 12: Signs of Love are Everywhere

Hello my dear Earthlings,

Howya doing out there in quarantine? Are you going stir crazy yet?

 For awhile, I've been getting up late and not eating quite right. There's no one here to check in on me and I'm not good at keeping myself on task, but I'm going to try and stick with a schedule starting tomorrow.

I'm also going to try and give myself a break and realize that these are very different times. After all, the entire world's schedule got thrown out the window. That makes me feel better when I'm eating mint Milanos at 11.

But truthfully, I have things I do want to accomplish in this time that I have free. I actually have a tech job at my college that I'm supposed to be learning, I have some classes and workshops that I'm putting together, I'd like to get into a more structured book writing schedule, I need to put a class online for spring quarter at the college and I am working on my housing situation for when I have to leave this lovely place in Sequim, WA. So there are things I could certainly focus on. Also, I'd like to organize and pare down my possessions. I don't have a lot of things, but they could be organized a bit more. So I'm ready for some structure.

I managed to get out for a walk again at sunset. This time, the clouds were puffy in the sky and I felt happy that I made it out the door and on the way to the beach in time

As I was on my walk, someone put up beautiful handmade prayer flags of good wishes on the barbed wire fence along the deserted road. It made me happy to see it there. I had been feeling like I needed a bit of hope and love and there it was.

Further down the beach, I saw that the medicine wheel that Scott and I made last Sunday was still there almost a week later. That made my day.

I walked as far down as I could and another person had made a heart out of shells. Signs of love were everywhere.

And once again, the eagle that is always around when I'm down on the beach, flew overhead and landed on a high branch of a pine tree nearby and sat there calmly staring down at me.

I was so happy I made it to the beach. I almost didn't make it. I had been feeling cooped up and unproductive. Whenever I walk I feel so refreshed.

When I got home, I called my boyfriend and put the ingredients for a 12-bean soup in the Crockpot. I wanted to make a lentil soup, but all the lentils in the grocery store were gone, so this was all that I had to work with.

I feel that people are looking out for each other out there. I feel there is LOVE in the air. At least those are the signs I seem to be tuning into today.

Have you seen any signs of LOVE out there?

Much love to you fellow Earthlings!

Healing for the Earth, Day 11: Everyone is a Hero for Going Through This, Have Compassion

Hello dear fellow Earthlings,

Wow, so many emotions coming out now. Do you feel that? It's an Earthling thing.

Every little word feels likes it's charged with so much emotion. The world is a bundle of emotions right now. We are ALL processing so much.

I'm grateful for each and every one of you. ALL of you are heroes just for going through this. From the doctors and nurses who are on the front lines, to the people all alone in quarantine with no family around, to the person who has a loved one in the hospital, to the person who has just lost their job or home, to the people who are sick and struggling for their lives.


ALL OF US ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.

If you are feeling lots of emotions today or feeling alone, this little video I made today may help:

You might think only a few people are affected by this. I don't believe that. We are all affected in one way or another by what's going on. Life will never be the same after this.

Today, I was feeling rather emotional. I've been pretty grounded, but I got caught up in a swirl of emotion. It was a feeling of unsettledness. I envied people in quarantine with their lover or their family. How lucky you are to have your lover or family with you. How lucky! Hold them close.

I'm out here without my boyfriend and who knows how long I'll be out here without him. It's not easy to be alone when things are so uncertain. That's also the heroes journey. We come into this world alone and we die alone. If you can learn to be alone in the midst of all of this, you are my hero and I SEE you!

Actually, each one of us is on the hero's path for just being alive on the EARTH! It is not easy to be a human being. We go through sooo much in one lifetime. There are deaths and divorces and losses and pain and disease and uncertainty and natural disasters and war and...the list goes on. Every one of us has been touched by some kind of trauma. Every single one of us.

So if you think one person's got it easy and another's got it hard, think again! You are looking from the outside at a person. You are NOT that person and you have no idea what they are going through.

So have some COMPASSION for each and every Earthling. Especially NOW when we are all going through this.

Today I realized that I had to just GET OUTSIDE again. It's what grounds me and brings me back into connection with the planet and what it means to be here and connected to all things.

The streets out here where I live were deserted. It was like a ghost town. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere came a car driving at 40 miles an hour down the residential street I had just turned down. She was driving so close to my bumper that I thought she might hit me. Her face looked angry. I thought about pulling over, but I was almost to one of two parking spots in front of the beach, so I just kept driving and rolled into a spot. She took the other spot and got out of her car and gave me a death glare. If looks could kill I'd be dead.

I stayed in my car as she got out. I watched her walk with a bit of a limp. It seemed like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. At first I felt angry that she had spewed her anger out on a stranger. What was wrong with her? I came to the beach to be in peace and I felt upset.

As I walked down the beach,  one of the few places we are still allowed to walk, I was able to release some of that anger. I had no idea what this woman was carrying. What if her husband had the Coronavirus? What if she was alone and couldn't take it anymore (I could relate to that somewhat)? What if she had just had a fight? What if she had just found out she lost her job? What if she didn't know how she was going to make ends meet?

Suddenly I began to feel compassion. I began to forgive myself too for being upset. I let it all wash off me. I let the waves come and take those emotions and thoughts out to sea. I then filled that empty space with compassion for myself first and then for this woman.

It was a stormy day on the beach. It was dark and cloudy and cold and a bit ominous. There was a thickness in the air. It was hard to see far out in the distance, like driving through a fog. It's that feeling of not seeing where you're going but trusting you'll eventually get there, wherever there is.

It was starting to get darker and I looked out across the water and could see the light house at the end of Dungeness Spit. The Spit is closed to the public, but the light at the end was still blinking. I stared at it through the dark clouds and at that one little spot of light and it brought me hope.

Wherever there is darkness, there is also light. Have compassion for each person out there. You have no idea about what they are going through. Have compassion for yourself  for all the emotions you may be feeling. We WILL get through this and be stronger for it. You are all heroes just for going through this.

Much love,
Katherine

Healing for the Earth, Day 10: Feeling Grateful

Hellooooooo out there fellow Earthlings!

How y'all doing on this big blue marble of ours? Let's keep it BLUE!

This is DAY 10. I'm a third of the way done, but this Healing for the Earth business is really helping me tune into the vibration of love and........

GRATITUDE!

Today I woke up late at like 11AM and ate mint Milanos for breakfast. Hey, I'm not perfect! There's no one checking in on me, so why not?

But then I thought, geez, it's gorgeous outside. I just want to get OUTSIDE.

Humans, like plants, can wither without enough natural sunlight, fresh air and clean water. Luckily there's lots of space out here and I was able to walk to the beach without bumping into hardly anyone.

On my walk, I talked to my mom on the phone who was in the process of creating face masks from her old bras, I kid you not. She needed to go to the doctor for a check up and didn't have a mask. We've gotta do what we've gotta do in times like these.

When I hung up with her, I smiled. I love my family. They are funny, nuts, generous and kind. They are probably like any family. You can't live with them, but you can't live without them either. Anyway, I'm grateful to have all of them in my life.

And I then thought about my lovely partner Scott. Wow, what a blessing to have such a sweet, kind, insightful, spiritual, FUNNY, loving man in my life. Blessed beyond words.

Then I started thinking about all my friends. Wow, so many friends that make me laugh or friends who have helped me in a time of need or friends who have encouraged me. I began to recall memories of many friends as I briskly walked to the beach in the sun.

Then I started to think about the sun, cherry blossoms, my comfortable shoes, the fact that I CAN WALK. So much gratitude. Have I taken it all for granted?

On the beach, I found that the medicine wheel Scott and I made three days ago was still there untouched. I stood in front of it with my shadow in the middle.

 As I stood there listening to the waves on the shore, an eagle flew over my head and landed in the pine tree behind me and began to sing. "I hear you!" I said to it. GRATITUDE for the eagle who came to visit too! Here's that eagle SINGING!

And then I walked back in the sunshine to the lovely home that my family is so graciously letting me stay at while they are in Arizona and I felt enormous gratitude.

And then I opened the fridge to find that it was full of food. FULL of FOOD. There is plenty to choose from. I have a choice. I can CHOOSE!

And then I had a 1 hour training to be a faculty tech support person at my college. It's a new job for me and I'll also be teaching. I don't consider myself a techie, but I'm willing to learn more. I have a job. I will have enough money.

Food √
Shelter √
Water √

Immense gratitude for having those three things covered. The rest is icing on the cake. Yes, things have changed. It's not like it used to be and everything is uncertain. But the truth is:

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN UNCERTAIN!

We think we have it all figured out and we know what will happen, but we don't. We have no idea what will happen in any given moment and these strange times are proof of that.

When I operate from a place of gratitude, I realize I have everything I need (more than I need in fact) in this moment and it helps me to then reach out and help others. I'm excited that I get to support my college in an area of need. I feel grateful for the opportunity to help. I am also grateful for the opportunity to do 30 days of healing for the Earth on this blog. It's connected me deeply to the Earth and so many like-minded people. It's been a powerful experience. And WOW am I ever grateful to MOTHER EARTH! Where would we be without her?

 Stay tuned for many guest speakers here. I'm not the only one who has something to share.

What are you grateful for?

Healing for the Earth Day 9, Every Word You Say Creates. What Are You Creating?

Dear Earthlings,

How you all doing out there on the big blue marble? It's still spinning isn't it?  And it's beautiful!

It's Day 9 of Healing for the Earth. I ended my evening tonight with a meditation in silence with 8 people on Zoom and then a drumming session with my amazing Hawaiian healer friend Kau'i Auwae and her son Elijah. Kau'i played the deer drum, I played the elk drum and Elijah played the singing bowl. We played online for about an hour.

We didn't use words, we used instruments to speak for us. Instruments carry a vibration, just as words do. The vibration of music or chanting is so powerful. It can lift the spirit. That's what we were doing tonight. We were lifting the Spirit.

There are so many words flying around these days. Not all of them carry a high vibration. Many of the collective words these days carry a low tone or low vibration. There is an atmosphere of fear and fear for the whole is not helpful and can be very destructive to a person and the world. Fear has its place, but unless you are running from wolves in this very moment, it's not helpful.

Today, after our drumming session, Kau'i drew a card from her Hawaiian card deck and shared it with me. Here's what it said in both Hawaiian and English:

Aia i ka 'olelo no ke ola,
Aia i ka 'olelo no ka make.

In the word there is life,
In the word there is death.

And here is the message from the card deck:

"This is an ancient Hawaiian saying. It encompasses the understanding that we are powerful creators. As spirit beings living here in the material plane, we bring the creative energy of Spirit to life in the linear world. And we do that through words.

Every word you say, everything you think—creates. The thoughts you hold inside, and the words you put out, are life giving or death dealing.There's no in between. All your words either feed the pono and create a life of connection, or they feed the pilikia and create disconnection from Spirit."

So with all that's swirling around out there in the world, what are you choosing to collectively create? Love or Fear?

With each word, feel how it vibrates in your body. When you speak, do you feel anxious, nervous, judgmental or scared? How can you tune into the vibration of love?

Today, connecting to my body and spirit helped me tune into the vibration of love. I have been staying away from the news. I'm aware of it, but I can feel that it has the tone of fear. I'm consciously choosing to tune into a different vibration.

Every word creates. What your read, what you think, what you hear. It creates. What are you choosing to tune into? What are you choosing to create?

Mahalo Kau'i and Elijah for your gifts today. They are very precious, just like both of you!

Healing for the Earth, Day 6: Go Outside

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you doing today? Today marks 6 days of writing here everyday. That's almost a week. I still wonder how I did TWO full years of writing a blog post every single day. Whoa! Sometimes I feel like abandoning this plan to write for a month. It's hard to keep going sometimes. I don't always feel wonderful. Sometimes I also feel lonely, sad, overwhelmed. lazy, worthless, etc. But when I get outside, I am able to release many heavy things that I'm feeling. Here's a little video for all y'all about my time outside and some messages for you too!

Today, at around 2pm, I really felt like I needed to JUST GET OUTSIDE and everything would change. When I'm outside, I feel this expansiveness that seems to give space to all these emotions that I'm feeling. The fresh air, sun, smell of pine, butterflies, bees, waves, sand between my toes, etc. really helps. All of these things in nature nurture me so much. They give me a place to rest the restlessness and unease that I sometimes feel. If I can just get myself outside, I feel better.

Today, while walking down to the beach, I saw many families and couples. Lots of couples were holding hands, so happy to be together in the sun. During this time on social distancing, I really miss physical touch. I REALLY miss my boyfriend out here, but he hasn't been able to come out all week and possibly not this coming weekend either because he's working a lot, which is good.

Being in community is so important. Man (or woman) is not an island. It's important for us Earthlings to be in community and help each other. We are all in this together, yet it's easy to feel lonely. I felt that today. I felt like I could really use some social interaction that did not involve a computer or a phone. Do you know what I mean???

Being outside felt as close as I could get to really feeling connected. If I couldn't connect with friends, family or my boyfriend, at least I could connect with nature and celebrate the other people down on the beach with their loved ones enjoying!

After walking down the beach a bit, I found a place to hunker down in the sand between logs near the bird sanctuary. I actually took off my boots and socks and felt the sand between my toes. I lay down with my head on a log and let the sun beat down on my face bringing me back to days when I use to sunbathe in Florida with friends. I love that feeling. I could have stayed on the beach today forever, it felt so good, but I put my boots back on and made my way down the beach a bit further before turning around.

The sun was high and children were running around chasing waves in their bare feet, screaming with excitement. Lovers kissed on beach blankets. It was hard to believe we were in a crisis. It was hard to believe that our world is going through something big right now because people seemed happy and joyful for the moment.

On the way back home, I drove along the beach and saw an eagle high up in a pine tree. All the cherry blossoms are out. It's definitely spring. I'm glad I went outside today.