Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Staring at the Blank Page

 "The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink clamoring to become visible."

--Vladimir Novokov

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you? Today, right now, I'm up on the second floor of my office, with sunlight shining through my window making my plants (and me) extra happy! I'm also staring at this blank page. 

The cursor is there waiting. It's blinking. I have so much to say both on this blog and in my new book. I think part of my problem is that I want to get it all just right rather than just getting it out and on the page. It stops me from writing at all. I have this idea that things need to be a certain way before they can become anything. It's hard to explain.

Here we are in March and February was a blur. I got off Facebook on February 15th. I needed time and I was wasting too much time on social media. I temporarily deleted my account so that I could focus a bit more. 

January and February were hard months for me. I went through some emotional and physical turmoil. As I mentioned in my last post, I opened Pandora's box when I decided to dive into my next book about transformation that was instigated by my first marriage ending. I had no idea that so much unresolved pain would resurface and manifest in both physical and mental pain. My eyes got infected, I got sick, I felt deep depression and the cold, gloomy weather didn't help. I went into self-care and self-healing mode and it felt right. I didn't produce much on the book front, but I did a lot of necessary healing.

Now I'm like the ground hog who pops his head up from under the earth to check if spring is here. It's time to spring forward, I feel. New energy is circling around me. I feel a shift. I had planned to finish three chapters of my book by the end of March, but I only finished one (I have a total of 100 pages written, but it all needs focus and some revising). I'm cutting myself some slack though.

I'm teaching two college classes online and it's been a lot of work. Winter quarter will end for me on the first day of spring. At least that's when I plan to get all the tests graded and all my administrative work turned in.

And then I'm going on an adventure...

It's been awhile. I'm on Trusted Housesitters (If you are reading this and want the link, I have a 25% off code for you, so let me know). I pet sit for animals all over the world. I love taking care of pets because I don't have any of my own and I like the idea of being able to travel and see new places. I've pet sat in Port Townsend, Seattle, Shoreline and Chimacum in Washington State, Hawaii and Rome and Lucca, Italy. My next cat sit is at a post and beam farm house on 50 acres in Connecticut where I will take care of one sweet cat. This sit happens to fall exactly on my spring break from college, so on March 23rd, I'll drive two hours to my destination. I will stay there for 10 nights and then drive back. Scott will come see me on one of the weekends. My goal on this sit it to WRITE, WRITE WRITE and tune into nature and nurture myself and take care of one adorable cat, of course! I may explore the little towns nearby too. I can't wait for this retreat. I am so looking forward to it!

Then, on April 3rd, I start a new college quarter and I'm teaching a DOUBLE LOAD of classes online. That will be challenging, but I am doubling up with the anticipation of possibly taking summer quarter off to travel, plan a wedding, etc.! We've rented out our Cape Cod condo for all of August and the first weekend in September. We plan to go to Europe to honeymoon before our wedding. (Eat your dessert first, you don't know what tomorrow will bring...lol). Then, on September 30th, we are getting married on Cape Cod!!! Whoa...crazy to say it and so much to do. 

Today I had a counseling session. I talked with my counselor about intention and flow. I have been able to manifest quite a bit in my life by setting intentions and collaborating with my higher self (God, universe or whatever you want to call it). The small girl in me is often contracted and afraid. I've been working on remembering that my higher self is ever present and willing to communicate with that scared, small girl who has been affected by grief, trauma, pain, etc. Those are things that happened, but those things are not me. The conversation between that girl and my higher self has been an incredibly healing one. In that conversation, I've been able to let go of quite a lot. I want to keep that communication open and ever present. It makes a huge difference on how I navigate my life.

So this blank page wasn't so scary after all. Not sure if it has any focus, but sometimes words just want to come out in whatever way and later the focus can be found. Last night I saw the movie Emily at Cape Cinema with Scott. It's about Emily Bronte and her life. The screen writer took a lot of artistic license, but it was a powerful character sketch of a woman who went through so much. She was powerful, raw, real, unafraid (yet also shy and scared when forced into formal situations or pressed to follow societal norms). I felt a lot of myself in her. She felt she had failed in some way, but she was true to herself which gained her lots of accolades. Strangely, that was not really what she was after. She needed to express herself. The scene where she was upstairs in her bedroom with a single candle and a quill pen staring at the blank page was so relatable to me. She had to open her big bedroom windows and let in the bird calls, and fragrances of flowers and the wild wind. Only then could she write. She let it all in and let the writing come just as naturally as the sun rises and nature creates a new day. 

I feel a lot of creative energy bubbling inside of me. The door between me and my higher self is open. The conversation is intimate. I'm letting the words come out and allowing them to land where they may. I'm feeling and sensing. I'm tuning in. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm going to let it all flow...

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Nothing to Fear

"Storms don't come teach us painful lessons rather they were meant to wash us clean."—Sharon L. Alder

 

Dear fellow Earthlings, 

So much is going on in the world and I have recently received a strong call to go off Facebook and get off social media. I don't watch news, I don't interact with what is going on in current events. I follow my intuition and my intuition told me to go 'offline.' The only thing I keep here is my blog. 

The Earth and the beings living upon the Earth are going through a massive transformation. The way we do things is changing. The old systems are crumbling and as this happens, my guides have let me know that SELF CARE is of UTMOST importance right now. Being very aware of how I spend my time and how I spend my energy is going to be important in the coming months. 

At night, I know I am doing work. I can't explain exactly. When I wake up, I usually can't remember much, but I know I am working on the astral plane for the good of others.

Sometimes this work is heavy and it leaves me feeling tired or overwhelmed and even lethargic on the physical plane. I get irritated easy and find there is no time for things anymore. It feels like there is so much to do in the material world, but I can't get a grasp on all of it.

This tells me that my mind is occupied with more things than I know. Perhaps my storage is full and I need to delete some files. 

I channel and get messages. I am an intuit and I do psychic readings for people. I have done this work for a long time. The veil between this world and the non-physical world is very thin and if you are tuned in, you are aware of how close it is.

Humans fear death, but life and death are really the same thing: one is physical and one is non-physical. The reason it is frightening is because we give so much value to the material world. If humans gave more value to the non-physical world, or the spirit/spiritual world, they would realize that there really is NOTHING to fear. 

Nature is the bridge between the physical and non-physical worlds. Nature has its own language that is not made of words. It speaks all the time and gives messages and signs and answers in every single moment that you tune yourself to her.

When you go out in nature, slow down.

Walk slow and witness each thing you see, hear, taste, touch and smell. Really sink in!

On Saturday, I woke up rather early. Scott wanted to sleep in because he had just returned from a ski trip to Vermont with the company he works for and was tired.

I got a strong feeling to get outside and head to Wing Island in Brewster, Cape Cod. It's a small, sandy island behind the Natural History Museum that is accessible by a boardwalk. I was the only car in the parking lot when I got there at 9am.

Nature responded to me immediately. Just near the parking lot was another trail I had not ventured down yet. I decided to explore it a little. As I walked through the morning sun, hundreds of birds with various calls sang their songs. It was so enchanting. Each one an integral part of Nature's choir. There were chickadees, red cardinals, blue jays, morning doves and birds I could not identify. 

I stood there letting the sun soak through me from head to toe and listened to this music.

I must have stood there for a good 10 minutes. I wanted to venture further, but snow and ice covered the trail further down and I had slightly re-sprained my ankle and was recovering again and didn't want to chance it. I walked back to the parking lot and headed to Wing Island.

I walked over a two-plank boardwalk through the marsh. Tall common reeds flanked my path. I felt a kind of ecstasy as I walked across the open marsh. Eventually the path opened to Cape Cod Bay at low tide. I walked far out on the sand flats. I stopped often and basked in the sun and let it fill me up, like drinking from a tall glass of clean water. It was a reminder to return to Nature for sustenance whenever I felt overwhelmed.

Fast forward 6 days and it's now March 12th. I started this post on March 6th. So much has happened in that short span of time. I got SUCKED into the physical plane and all the drama there. The condo where I live is in a battle with board members (seems appropriate since the rest of the world is in a battle too. It's like the macro and micro have lined up). Anyway, a certain board member insists on bulldozing over anyone who steps up or speaks up. I have had trouble with bullies in my life. I don't often stand up to them and over the past 6 days or so, I've decided to stand up. This has caused one of our condo members to become aggressive. There are several unit owners who have recognized and experienced that this is NOT good energy, so we've stood up together. I had a confrontation with that board member on Thursday that sucked all the energy right out of me. She was relentless. 

I'm kinda done with narcissists and bullies. We are in a world where I feel they are all rearing their heads and insisting on their ways, but the world is changing at an intense speed and there is no room for that kind of energy anymore. Anyway, I got a strong sign to get out of my condo for awhile and go on a STAY CATION. It's the end of my college quarter and I needed a quiet place to tune in, finish my work and just rest. 

I asked myself where I was meant to be and I got Eastham, on the lower Cape. This is my old stomping grounds. It's where I lived with Scott for 8 months when we first came to Cape Cod. I didn't have any friends here then nor a car. Although I desperately wanted a friend, I was able to tune in very deeply to nature and now I view that time as a sort of 'awakening' for myself on a deep level. The lower Cape is WILD. I'd often walk to First Encounter Beach and foxes would walk along side me. Once a coyote stood in the middle of the road. Hawks and osprey fly overhead and the birds are in abundance.

I rented a small cottage on Minister Pond. 

When I arrived to this oasis, there was a goodie bag on the table that read "Welcome back to Eastham Katherine!" It was like a warm hug. My entire body began to RELAX. I had stopped by the store and gotten food for the weekend. I had planned to stay here alone to get all my college work done, but Scott will come on Sunday to enjoy,

Right now the wind is HOWLING outside. It's Nature's way of clearing the air. When I drove out here on Friday at around 4, the sun was high in the sky and Tom Petty was playing on the radio singing "I'm FREE....FREE FALLING!" And I remembered that feeling again. I remembered that girl who likes to MOVE and flow and listen. The one who talks to red cardinals and every cat she sees and looks for crocuses and signs of spring. 

Yes, when I go inside, when I step back into Nature and pull myself away from the drama on the physical plane, I realize that it is all just WIND. Right now that wind is shaking the door in its frame. It sounds like someone is trying to open the door, but it is all just a bunch of AIR. If I can think of things in this way, I feel okay.

 I realize that while the wind seems fierce and relentless, there is always a calm after the storm and maybe that storm is necessary to shake things out of their stagnation. Maybe we all need a little shaking up! Maybe this storm is calling me to not run and hide, but to face what's in front of me, be it wind at my door or a menacing woman at my door. Maybe they are both the same and have just taken on a different forms?

Anyway, I've taken a break from my college grading to finish this post. I have to believe that it will all work out. That all things eventually do work out as they are supposed to. 

For now, I crave that quiet, introspective time alone. Here I am during a HUGE STORM out in the woods of Cape Cod alone and there's absolutely nothing to fear.

.

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Are you spiraling up or down?

"The spiral is a spiritualized circle. In the spiral form, the circle, uncoiled, has ceased to be vicious; it has been set free."—Vladimir Nabokov

Dear fellow Earthlings,

The time is crucial now. We must see things in a new light or risk spiraling downward. If we are moving in vicious cycles or spiraling out of control, we've lost connection to the very core of who we are and what we are capable of.

From the perspective of the news, social media and all things that come through to us on SCREENS, the world appears to be spiraling downward again. We haven't missed a beat. We've gone from a global pandemic to a possible WWIII. But it only takes one change in perspective, one step off that merry-go-round to see from a different vantage point. We are energetic beings first and foremost. Nothing is SOLID in the world we live in. We are connected to everything that exists, from the tiny shell to the great OCEAN and all her life forms.

I'm stepping away from news and social media. I will keep writing here and post these musings online and in other places. It's time to step up, to spiral UP!

This is not a suggestion, it's a call and if you are reading this, keep reading. I'll be adding more every Friday.

If we are energetic beings capable of bringing anything forward into the world that we think, feel, or do, then every action and thought we have has serious repercussions. 

It's like casting a stone into the a calm lake and seeing the ripple effects of your actions. Thoughts also become things. What thoughts are you having, sharing, viewing, forming opinions about and believing. You may think it doesn't matter. In fact, it matters most. It's what causes a world to spiral out of control or free itself from incessant barrage of information that isn't even really 'our own' information (meaning the information that comes from within).  This is having detrimental effects on people's health, sense of safety and wellbeing. 

What is really happening on the inside of you?

Step away from all of it. Step out in nature.  Can you feel anything? Can you get a sense of yourself separate from what you are bombarded with daily? Do you take time to hear yourself and nature around you? If you do, you might be thinking, feeling and doing things completely differently than most of the world. You may be able to step out of the vicious cycle of information overload coming through screens on televisions, cell phones and other devices and feel a sense of connectedness and freedom.

One thing I've practiced that has helped tremendously is envisioning the world I'd like to live in and not accepting anything else. I envision the outcome. I see, taste, touch, smell, hear and feel this world and then find myself living in it. I don't allow for other thoughts to enter other than the ones that fit this vision. 

I teach classes on vision boarding and intuitive writing and I'm a practicing psychic and intuit. I have lived my life like this for as long as I can remember. Every vision board I've ever created has come true for me even if I have not fully understood the images that I selected and why I placed them in the particular order they ended up in.

Today, I'm being called to UNPLUG again form Facebook for a month and see where it leads me. What stations will I tune into that are on other frequencies? Is staring at a screen of images the REALITY or does reality exist when I 'put down' all that I'm fed from outside and sense what is really going on inside. 

These are thoughts to consider as I make a firm choice to SPIRAL UP!

Join me here every Friday, where thoughts become things. I will try to put up the audio of my channelings and dreams here, but have to figure out the technology, which I'm not too keen on these days.

Until then, fellow Earthlings....

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Widening the Lens and Getting a Bigger Perspective

 

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I love taking photos on my walks. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with joy and delight in what I am seeing and witnessing that I want to capture it all, but it's too enormous.

While I can Zoom in on a tree's branches covered with white snow and capture how things look up close, I realize that this tree also holds many different kinds of birds in its branches. There are small berries and leaves and a big wide trunk with roots that go deep down into several layers of earth and then there's an entire underworld happening there that I can't capture or even begin to know about. So I'm just getting one small perspective of this tree.

Whatever I see is only part of the bigger picture. 

When I step outside into nature, I'm also part of this picture. I'm part of the bay with the tide receding, the bright sun overhead, the snow melting on the rocks, the razor clam shells, the bright green seaweed. 

I'm every little tiny grain of sand.

I'm that sun that lights up the entire sky. The same one that sinks below the horizon like a huge, orange liquid ball of fire.

From the micro to the macro, I'm part of it.

When I zoom my lens out far, I get the entire scene, but it still doesn't do justice to what I'm seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, touching and feeling. 

I can't capture the sound of the waves or the taste of salt on my lips or the frozen feeling of my feet walking through soft snow or the smell of cedar burning in wood stoves in houses on the bluff.

These are all pieces of the picture. 

Out here on Cape Cod, the weather can change in an instant. We can go from a sunny 55 degree day in the winter to a frozen 28 degree day with wind gusts up to 70 miles per hour. You just never know out here. 

My emotions and feelings are a bit like the weather. Something can set me off and I feel myself reeling for a while. The funny thing is that when I witness the shift in weather on my walks, I'm able to recognize it simply as a change in weather.

Somehow emotions are bit trickier. It seems that everyone's emotions are on high these days. One little bit of information from a friend or loved one or a snippet of news from social media can set me off down a rabbit hole of confusion, anger or disbelief. 

Have you ever found yourself looking at one thing online and then next thing you know you've followed the information trail down into a hole that is a bottomless pit of information, opinions, ideas, thoughts, angry words or convincing arguments? It's pretty easy to do these days. 

Most of the information out there feels like it's meant to distract and divide people.

These days, when I feel that chaotic feeling creeping in from online information overload, I literally shut off every single device in the middle of whatever I'm doing and head out into nature. I'm able to walk away and leave my work for an hour or so because I work from home and I set the hours. This is one of the silver linings of my online job.

The other silver lining is being able to live out here on Cape Cod, out in the middle of the ocean, where nature literally calls me outside constantly. 

The bigger perspective is right out my front door right now. We don't have street lights out here, so millions of stars and the Milky Way are often visible on a clear night. Sometimes, while working, I hear an owl or a coyote and go up to the upper deck to listen. Sometimes the moon lights up our entire master bedroom on the second floor or the wind howls and shakes the windows in their frames or we wake up to snow gently falling all around us. 

The bigger perspective is always right there and it's not an accident that I've put myself  smack dab in the middle of Nature, where it's hard not to see it. 

The information highway comes to me through a tiny screen on either my phone or computer. It comes in pixels that join together to create this virtual reality.

Outside, the lens is wide. With each step I take outside my front door, I feel a release of all the heavy baggage that has somehow taken up space in my being. 

All of it leaves me instantly when I step outside. It's the one thing that is keeping me sane these days. A call and response conversation with a bright red cardinal high up on a tree branch is more real for me than talking into a computer with tiny squares of pixeled people.

I miss deep connections with people out here. I really do. I have my boyfriend and a few friends, but I miss face to face conversations and looking directly into people's eyes. I miss hugs and body language and laughter and sitting in the same room with people breathing. 

I get a sense of that when I walk outside amongst people, but it's not the same as sitting in a live circle with like-minded souls. 

Inside millions of rooms around the world people communicate with each other virtually. This is both amazing and disturbing at the same time. These quick, short words we type to each other don't tell the full story. The lens is too close. I can't see the full picture. 

I can't hear the inflection in your voice, 

Or see your eyes,

Or feel your touch,

Or really know what's going on inside. 

For now, nature will have to do until I can really experience YOU.

Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Finding the Light

"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness."—Desmund Tutu

Have you ever stared at patterns on your walls or ceiling, the patterns the sun makes early in the morning as the light streams through the windows? Or listened to the sound of the rain on the roof? Or heard and even felt the wind howling outside shaking the windows in their frames? That wind is so loud that you can feel the air in the bedroom charged with its energy.

All of this energy pulls me out from the warmth of my house, right out into the raw elements. 

 Down the the road from me, here in Eastham, is First Encounter Beach, where Pilgrims encountered Natives of this land for the first time. When I walk around this area, I feel that even though this land is very narrow in its width, its deep in its history and there's so much to learn from it. I'm not talking about learning from books, although I'm finding those to be interesting, but more from the land itself.

When Scott goes off to his carpentry job each morning after a breakfast together of coffee and oatmeal, I immediately pull on my rubber boots if it's low tide or I slip on my tennis shoes if the tide is a bit higher. If the tide is low, I can walk way out on the flats, much like walking on the moon, I imagine. I like the ripples in the sand that the waves leave behind. Today, I saw intricate lines in smooth sand that left vein-like features that appeared to be tree branches with long, deep roots. 

The patterns the water leaves in the sand are so alive. They are the earth's symbols and they are everywhere. The sand reminds me that whatever I see today, won't be there tomorrow. When the tides come in, all of it gets washed away. 

This morning, before getting out of bed,  I did the mistake of checking in on the news. And then checking Facebook. I saw comments by people who were so angry, unhappy, and divided. People were calling each other names and were fighting for 'their side,' saying the other was wrong or at fault. I feel so removed from it all out here. I'm not ignorant of what is going on. But what do I accomplish by fighting on the computer with others? Or insisting that I have all the answers. Truthfully, I'm less and less inclined to even check and see what's going on because there's so much going on RIGHT HERE and what goes on in the news feels a bit overwhelming, out of my control and even quite surreal. Sometimes I entertain the idea of disappearing for a year into the wild, away from the need to connect by phone or computer. I wonder what would happen after a year of being away with no news? Would people still be fighting about politics? Would there be more hatred in the world? Or would people find a way to really witness each other, really hear each other? Well, as the old adage goes, 'There's nothing new under the sun.' The sun has, in fact, seen it all. Maybe that's why it was such a strong teacher for me today.

Today everything was about LIGHT: sunlight through my windows, sun patterns on my wall, sun on the beach, sunlight on my face. A worker smoking a cigarette behind Cumberland Farms said, "Hey, What a beautiful day, isn't it? It feels like spring!" I love the directness of people here. There's no hesitation in them telling you how they feel. I couldn't have agreed more. It was gorgeous.

I must have walked 5 miles today around my hood. I walked from my home to Thurmpertown Beach and then down Thumpertown Road to Brackett Road where I visited the tiny North Eastham Post Office to check my post box for mail. Then I walked from Campground Road to Bay Road and back to the house.

 

Always, at the start of my walk, my mind rehashes thoughts about this or that. My mind goes from the past to the future in an instant. Eventually my mind settles comfortably in on now.

What's happening now?

Now I'm feeling my feet in my shoes. Now the blue sky against the green of the pines on Thumpertown Road is so vivid. Now a woman in a white jacket with a white-patterned hat with ear flaps just passed me on the other side of the road and waved. Now I see green grass poking through the pine-needled sides of the road. Is spring already on its way? Now a red cardinal just fluttered past me onto an oak branch. Now I must cross the street, are there any cars? Wow, it feels like a ghost town around here, I like it. Now the sun is beating on my face as I change direction. Now I close my eyes and feel the sun fill me up from head to toe. Now I move at a steady pace, my legs working without me needing to tell them to move. How miraculous this body is! How amazing this earth is!

These are my thoughts as I move into the now. And most of the time these thoughts fall away and all I feel are sensations. In those moments, I am connected to, not separate from, everything. 

And this is why I followed the light outside today. It's also why I've opened a window to feel the wind on my face or sat up on my upper balcony to watch a meteor shower. 

I won't stop doing this. In a world that currently feels out of control with humans in charge, the sun said, "Don't worry, we've seen this all before. Stay in the light."

Join me for a 5-week Intuitive Writing journey called Living a Life with Intention starting on January 21st. I'd love to see you there.

Riding the Winds of Change

"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction."—Unknown

 For two days straight, the wind blew shaking the windows in their frames. The howling through the trees surrounding our house on Cape Cod kept me up at night. The entire atmosphere was charged with the energy this wind had created. Two nights ago, my partner lay next to me sleeping, and I lay on my back staring at the ceiling wide awake. I was calm and safe inside, but there were moments when I felt like the wind might just pick up this house and blow it over Cape Cod Bay out into the open sea. I wasn't afraid, I was awake. 

The howling, whipping wind felt appropriate for what is going on on the OUTSIDE, out there in the world. I feel the heavy energy of the world out on the periphery. I'm not close to it, being that I'm choosing to live here out on a sand bar in the ocean. The ocean has a way of softening the sharp edges. It cleanses and reshapes. It has a way of taking all that's solid and stuck and making it flow again. I couldn't think of a better place to be right now, honestly.  Nature speaks to me all the time out here. It's where I get my news these days. 

I haven't checked the election results. I have no idea who is president of our country. I'm choosing to linger in the unknown. It's the only place any of us can really be sure of anyway. What do we know? Looking to nature for the news this morning, like I usually do, the headline to match the experience was CALM AFTER THE STORM.

I woke up to sun streaming through all 6 large, bedroom windows. Our room sits up high in the tree tops on the second floor. I could see blue birds and finches happily fluttering about the tops of the trees singing their songs. My boyfriend was already downstairs brewing coffee and singing a tune. He called up to me, "Hey, wanna go for a walk on the beach?" I pulled on some jeans, a fleece sweatshirt, wool socks and headed downstairs. We drank coffee together and chatted, but he soon realized there wasn't time for a beach walk, he had to head out to work. He's been working with his college friend in his carpentry business for the last two months since we got here. It's one of the reasons we were able to move here for the off-season. My job at Edmonds College in Washington State went online after the pandemic hit, so I can work from anywhere. Scott was finishing up carpentry jobs in Washington, so he was in a good position to move. So, at the end of August, we packed up all of our worldly possessions, some went into a tiny storage unit, one for each of us, and the rest traveled across county with us in Scott's truck. I sold my car to come here. Being car-less has forced me to use my body to get around and to be creative. I walk or bike lots of places. Thankfully, we live near a beach and there is a 26-mile bike trail near our house that goes to several nearby towns. Scott has been loving working outside in Wellfleet, Eastham and Orleans on the Lower Cape. Most of the home owners are gone for the season, so they spend their time sanding and refinishing decks and siding, pulling up beach stairs, putting storm windows on houses and repairing this or that. He sometimes sends me pictures of where he is working: a gorgeous house right on the cliff of a beach or an artsy house hidden in the trees. It's really a dream come true for both of us to be here. The fact that Scott's 96-year-old mom lives in Sandwich and that his brother and cousin live out here, along with several friends, made it easy for us to come.

And our house, well it's also a dream. A dream that we are currently living in anyway. We found a longterm rental in Eastham, near the beach that normally goes for $12,000 a month in the high season. We got it for 10 times less in the off-season. It was cheaper for us to come here than rent in Seattle. Our house is big for the two of us. But after living in tiny, one-room basement dwellings together, it is so nice to have all the space. We have not one, but three bathrooms. We are loving every minute of being here. I love the ocean being so close. I love that I am living on a sand bar with wild nature all around.

So Scott headed off to work and I wandered down the seashell path from our house to the beach.

 All the beach stairs along our private beach have been hoisted up for the season. The windows on the houses facing the bay have been boarded up and storm-proofed. I have to walk the wooden stairs halfway down to a rock landing and then scramble down over boulders the rest of the way to the beach.

 I can't believe that on October 22nd, I launched myself off one of those boulders into the warm bay waters where I lay on my back for what seemed like an hour, letting the buoyant salt water hold me up. Now, a chill was in the air and I donned a long, lightweight down jacket. The sun was bright in the sky and and the waning full moon was still out. I stumbled down onto the gold sand. The water had soft ripples, but otherwise was flat and calm. I walked down on the sand. The tide was coming in. By 1pm, it would be up to the beach steps. The calm in the air was so gentle. The seagulls sat motionless on the beach and little sand pipers were actively eating bugs and algae by a patch of beach grass. A rippled sand bar stretched out for a mile. I walked out on it mesmerized by the intricate, grooved pattern in the sand. How these patterns form and then are washed away was symbolic to me. The sand glistened in the warm sun and little gold specks popped out. I picked up a handful of these tiny grains and let them sift through my fingers. So small, these grains of sand are, that make up the beauty of the the beach. The wild ocean and winds were always molding, shaping and changing the environment. Who knows, really, if this little sand bar known as Cape Cod would be here in the future? Well, it's here now. And I am here now.

Somehow I was able to ride the wind out and enjoy the calm after the storm. Our house is still standing and there wasn't any devastation. I knew that if I went INSIDE, deep within myself, I'd be just fine. I didn't need to get pulled into its fury or curse its sound. I could listen to it objectively, knowing that it wouldn't last forever. None of this is forever. And that, somehow brought me great peace and allowed me to step out into the calmness of the day today, fully present and fully alive. What a gift it is to be here now.

Going Off-Grid

For about two months, I've been off Facebook and a bit off-grid. I'm currently living in a tiny house on a bluff overlooking Discovery Bay in Port Townsend. Before that, I lived for a month out on Bush Point on Whidbey Island overlooking the water. Ever since my classes went online due to the Coronavirus, I haven't felt the desire to be in the city. For the most part, I've lived pretty unplugged and it's been the biggest blessing. Some may say that I don't care about what's going on. It really depends on your perspective of things.  I've felt called to work more inwardly than outwardly. One is not better than the other. It is just what you feel called to do. That is IT! I'm not here to judge what you are doing and hopefully you are not here to judge what I'm doing. Hopefully we can see the benefit of all of it. Hopefully we can reach a place where we value what each human is moved to do or be, regardless of whether it fits into our ideas of things. As long as we are not intentionally harming anyone and the motivation is one of love, I think all paths are valid.

Out here in the tiny house, I'm called each day to hike down the bluff to the water and walk the long stretch of beach that is virtually empty of people. Every now and then I may see a soul or two, but not often. Instead of people, I'm communing with the blue herons, eagles, hawks, ravens, otters and seals. For some time now, I've been communing with wild animals. They seem to speak a language that I understand or am beginning to understand. Today a blue heron landed in a pine branch above my head. Have you ever seen a blue heron land in front of you. Those things are mammoth and look like pterodactyls. The energy of this animal is amazing. And to witness a bald eagle eye-level with me on the bluff as I sit quietly in a chair on the edge of the cliff, well, there's no other place I'd rather be.

The eagle speaks to me these days. He's the symbol of our times. Well, the eagle is the symbol of our country, yet maybe we've forgotten what it symbolizes on a spiritual level. The eagle sits high above the fray. It observes. It doesn't jump into this or that easily, it looks at the big picture. It witnesses with keen eyes that see all. It knows precisely when to make a move and precisely when not to make a move. A few days ago I sat with my morning coffee high up on the bluff witnessing the eagle. Two crows swooped down on the eagle and were being very menacing. They seemed to want to get its attention or get it to move, but it sat with its talons clinging firmly to a pine branch. It did not move or was not swayed by these birds. It observed their behavior with amusement, it seemed. I even felt a sense of compassion for the crows. How they wanted the attention the eagle so desperately, but the eagle wasn't there to amuse them. It was there to watch over all that was going on. What a powerful bird the eagle is. How majestic it is when it lifts off from a branch to soar high above the earth. How keen its eyes are to really SEE.

I think that's it. I'm here to SEE. Not to see what you are doing or what everyone else is doing or to follow the latest news, but to go inward and feel what I am personally moved to do.

And out here, I'm moved to meditate, commune with nature, witness, observe, feel, sense, intuit. I'm here to work from the inside out. So much attention is given to what is happening outside. What about what's happening inside? Recently I've found that that is exactly where all the answers are. At least for me.

Living in a tiny house for a month has also been eye-opening. I love it! What more do I need? Over the years I've slowly whittled down my belongings. I have a small storage unit and no permanent home to speak of. I dream of owning a piece of land  near water with a self-sufficient tiny home. I don't need much, really.

For now, I'm content in the "not knowing," I'm okay in the now. I am flowing with each day and each day brings new things. What a miracle it is just to be alive. How lucky we are to be here on Earth! What an amazing thing that is.

At night, out here on Cape George Road, there are a million stars. Jupiter and Saturn have been so bright in the night sky. I can see tiny stars between bigger stars and the Milky Way swirls above me. One night, after visiting my boyfriend for a night in the city (we actually went to Sunset Hill Park at night and saw the comet Neowise), we took a night ferry boat to Kingston  and arrived after dark at the tiny house. All was quiet up on the bluff and the stars made us stop and pull up chairs and sit with our heads straight up in silence. A few shooting stars moved across the night sky. How small we all are. How short our time here is. Yet we live on in one form or another for eternity. The animals and the stars and the plants have no agenda but to "be". Their being-ness draws me in and speaks to me. Speaks about a time when we did not need words or computers or TV or money. We knew. We moved the way animals move. We understood without speaking. We knew the direction of the wind and understood where we were by the position of stars. The earth was not something to tame for human consumption, it was a part of us and we a part of it.

I'm called back to remember. I want to hear this soundless sound again. I want to bear witness to the eagle in me and me in the eagle. I want to taste the thimble berries now juicy and ripe on the branch and pluck huckleberries growing out of old-growth tree stumps. I want to put my ear to a shell I find in the smooth, soft sand and hear the wild ocean and I want to taste the salty sea on me. I'm not afraid to jump into the frigid waves and stick my head down under the seaweed-ed bay and dive to the bottom and touch the earth there where it's quiet and soundless. I will dry myself off on a log on the beach and lay there until I'm moved to rise. Do I have time? Do I have time to just be? What else is there to DO actually?

And so this is what I'm doing out here. I'm teaching online and tuning in and feeling each moment and allowing it to guide me. I'm not moving in fear, I'm moving in FLOW and flow has so much to teach me. All of life is actually a flow. It's the mind that clings and attaches and insists. It's the mind, our prize possession, that can stop the flow of life. 

Was it the Buddhists who said, "If you want to be free, remove your head?" I get that. 

Life is not linear, it is happening all at once on many levels. What you are witnessing now is no accident. It was precisely designed for YOU to witness. Are you witnessing? Reacting? Are you in fear or in flow? 

The flow is shifting for me soon. Rationally, it doesn't make a lot of sense. If I try to wrap my head around all the details, I don't get very far. But in the moment, all is quite beautiful and amazing and there is a tremendous love and gratitude inside. I feel very blessed and am not afraid. I feel guided. And even if what I do does not make sense to many, It makes sense to me. I'm going to let go and keep following this flow....

Healing for the Earth, Day 27: Life in Isolation by Guest Blogger Kirk Harris

Hello fellow Earthlings!

We have a special guest, Kirk Harris, here on my blog all the way from the woods of Breitenbush, where he has been living and working for 6 plus years. He shares his experience of isolation and what that means to him and how he is navigating these strange times we are in. Thanks for being here Kirk!

Greetings from the woods: Life in isolation at Breitenbush

Life at Breitenbush is an experience unlike anything I have had in my life so far. I moved up here in the summer of 2014 and was immediately taken by how much different it was from where I had lived the majority of my life this time around. I primarily lived in a more urban type of environment. I was, and still am, amazed at how quiet and peaceful it can be living in the middle of the forest here in Oregon. To be able to see all the stars at night and the moon shining over the Breitenbush River as it roars along day and night is an amazing experience for the senses. It is one that I have not had the opportunity to enjoy or be mesmerized by before.

Having said that, the last 3 weeks here has been an eye opening, as well as a heart opening, experience as well. Nearly 4 weeks ago we decided to close to the public at what is the beginning of our busiest time of the year and to prepare for being closed for a period of time and we were not sure how long it would be. We were not sure how long we would be closed, if we would be able to open back and if so when that might be. We are still unsure and not exactly clear if and when that might be happening. Needless to say it has brought with it a sense of fear, anxiety and dread over some of us and that was only the beginning of what was to come, and is still coming.

Along with the fear, anxiety and dread of what might happen has also come a vastly different experience for me and some of the other folks who live here and call Breitenbush home and have called the land here home for some years. There are many aspects to this adventure for us here. For me Breitenbush and living and working here comprises 3 areas...The business of running a hot springs retreat center, the community of people here who steward and manage the land and the business and last, but certainly not least, the Land itself.

The circumstances and situations that are playing out lately here and around the world have brought most of the business aspects to a halt...there are no guests here these days which makes for a very quiet place to live and be. Not only people wise but energetically as well...it is a different Breitenbush and experience for sure. It has been an amazing experience to be here without the day to day business obligations of being at work and being of service to the guests...it has been profoundly different to be unplugged from that world and at first was very surreal and I found myself in a kind of shock that I had not experienced before and that has been expressed by others who live here.

This leads me to the second part of the experience here: The community here at Breitenbush. It would not be a surprise to some if the community, when isolated like we have been, physically as well as other ways, might fall apart in some ways. But much to my happiness and joy that has not been the case, in fact I have noticed and witnessed a kind of opposite effect...I have seen and experienced people pulling together instead of apart and this adventure we are all on has strengthened the community in many ways and it has been a joy to see people coming together to volunteer their time and effort to aid and help out the community to remain together. We are still here, still a community and still learning and growing from this experience...it has not been easy and without problems, challenges and other hard times and yet I think this has made all of us look at what is important and what are the priorities in our lives.

This brings me to the last part of the equation that I call Breitenbush. The Land! It has been my experience that I have grown closer to this Land that I fell in love with many years ago, the first time I came here. I have had the opportunity and time these last 3+weeks to see beyond what I had seen before and to dive deeper into what this Land really means, not just to me but to others who live here. It is interesting, and I am very grateful, that this adventure is occurring during spring when all is coming back to life after the winter.

The winters here can be kinda hard and difficult with all the rain, snow and greyness that winter brings with it, so being isolated like this in the winter might be very heavy. With the spring it is as if the Land is coming back to life and and telling us how important it is and how connected we all are and that we all need a breather and a chance to step back from the "busyness" and how it is important to take a deep breath and just be at one with where we are. Sometimes people will tell me "it must be really great to live and work in paradise" and while it is an amazing thing to live and work here...it is still work and there are hard challenges about living and working here.

This is a time for all of us around the world to look at life and where we are at and make decisions about how we want to live and the choices we have the freedom to make in regards to living that life. What are our priorities? What do we want "normal" to be? Do we want to go back to what we thought of as "normal" before this all started? Someone once told me that "normal is a setting on the washing machine". And I have taken that and looked at it recently and had the time to delve into that and dive deep to feel it and what it means. It has brought up a great many questions, thoughts, feelings, and desires about what I would like to see "normal" as in this world.

What do you want "normal" to be?

Kirk Harris has lived and worked at Breitenbush Hot Springs for almost 6 years as a member of the kitchen team. He also teaches Shamanic Journeying as part of the daily well being programs at Breitenbush. Kirk has been in the cooking field for over 25 years and also has been a counselor for over 10 years. Since moving to Breitenbush, Kirk has become more interested and involved in the area of Spiritual explorations and self discovery through many types of spiritual practices based in different schools of thought such as Buddhism, Taoism, Sufism and Shamanism. His interests include reading, writing, hiking, spiritual practices, being close to the natural world and interacting with his fellow cohabitants at Breitenbush...oh yes, and music. Since moving to Breitenbush, Kirk has been learning how to play several musical instruments including Ukulele, Drums, and Native American Flute.

Healing for the Earth, Day 20: Finding Moments of Exquisite Beauty

Hello fellow Earthlings!

How are you doing???  Hanging in there?

I can't believe today marks 20 days straight of writing Healing for the Earth posts on this here blog. I can tell you that writing these posts have helped me immensely.

Healing for the earth (including all beings on the Earth) has become my mantra for the past 20 days and I can feel a shift.

Today's post is about finding exquisite beauty in things we might overlook or finding beauty in usual things. I'm in a drum circle and my friend River leads the circle. She always talks about finding moments of exquisite beauty and I realize they are everywhere and in every moment. The Earth is full of breathtaking moments.

Lately, with all that is going on in the world, I'm finding it even more important to show up on the planet full of gratitude and I'm also finding it more important than ever to see the beauty that is all around me. Even though the state of the world is in a flux and things are uncertain, what is certain is the fact that BEAUTY IS STILL HERE! It's in a flower, tree, our breath, the wind, the sun, the stars, the moon, the grass....wow!

What you tune into is what you will have more of. I find this to be true.

The other day I was walking down the beach and I saw a man and his dog way in the distance. He was singing and throwing a ball to his dog and they were both so blissful. I could feel their bliss and it made me happy. On that same beach, a woman was walking, flailing her arms and shouting about the state of the world to her friend on her cell phone. It was a gorgeous day out and she was walking on a beach with white puffy clouds above her and warm sun all around her and waves gently lapping at the shore. Sand dollars and seashells were scattered across the rocky beach, but she didn't notice any of it. She was not aware of where she was at all. She missed the beauty all around her.

Every moment of our lives is a tremendous gift. There is beauty here if we can just open to it. How often do you really tune into beauty? Do you see it around you? Do you feel it? We are so lucky to walk on this Earth. We are so lucky to be here. Don't take any moment of it for granted. Nothing is promised. Tomorrow is not promised.

Recently I repaired my bicycle and I've enjoyed taking it on bike rides around the mostly deserted streets of Sequim. I've had the same bicycle since college. I think I got it in 1989! It's a Cannondale mountain bike. I've thought about getting a new one, but this bike is perfectly fine and served me well all these years. I'm going to keep it for as long as I can.  I love riding it to the beach at sunset. I also love riding my bike up on the bluff above Cline Spit and seeing all the eagles and hawks. Sometimes I'll see a herd of deer munching on greenery in a nearby farm. Or I'll see a bumblebee or a butterfly or cherry blossom trees or pine trees. All of these things make me happy. All of them hold such beautiful energy.

If I'm able to hold those moments in me, I believe there will be many more of them. If I'm able to see exquisite beauty all around me, particularly in times of chaos and stress, then perhaps it's an indication that hope and love still exist. You create the reality that you see around you. What are you tuning into? Have you been aware of any moments of exquisite beauty lately?

Healing for the Earth, Day 6: Go Outside

Hello fellow Earthlings,

How are you doing today? Today marks 6 days of writing here everyday. That's almost a week. I still wonder how I did TWO full years of writing a blog post every single day. Whoa! Sometimes I feel like abandoning this plan to write for a month. It's hard to keep going sometimes. I don't always feel wonderful. Sometimes I also feel lonely, sad, overwhelmed. lazy, worthless, etc. But when I get outside, I am able to release many heavy things that I'm feeling. Here's a little video for all y'all about my time outside and some messages for you too!

Today, at around 2pm, I really felt like I needed to JUST GET OUTSIDE and everything would change. When I'm outside, I feel this expansiveness that seems to give space to all these emotions that I'm feeling. The fresh air, sun, smell of pine, butterflies, bees, waves, sand between my toes, etc. really helps. All of these things in nature nurture me so much. They give me a place to rest the restlessness and unease that I sometimes feel. If I can just get myself outside, I feel better.

Today, while walking down to the beach, I saw many families and couples. Lots of couples were holding hands, so happy to be together in the sun. During this time on social distancing, I really miss physical touch. I REALLY miss my boyfriend out here, but he hasn't been able to come out all week and possibly not this coming weekend either because he's working a lot, which is good.

Being in community is so important. Man (or woman) is not an island. It's important for us Earthlings to be in community and help each other. We are all in this together, yet it's easy to feel lonely. I felt that today. I felt like I could really use some social interaction that did not involve a computer or a phone. Do you know what I mean???

Being outside felt as close as I could get to really feeling connected. If I couldn't connect with friends, family or my boyfriend, at least I could connect with nature and celebrate the other people down on the beach with their loved ones enjoying!

After walking down the beach a bit, I found a place to hunker down in the sand between logs near the bird sanctuary. I actually took off my boots and socks and felt the sand between my toes. I lay down with my head on a log and let the sun beat down on my face bringing me back to days when I use to sunbathe in Florida with friends. I love that feeling. I could have stayed on the beach today forever, it felt so good, but I put my boots back on and made my way down the beach a bit further before turning around.

The sun was high and children were running around chasing waves in their bare feet, screaming with excitement. Lovers kissed on beach blankets. It was hard to believe we were in a crisis. It was hard to believe that our world is going through something big right now because people seemed happy and joyful for the moment.

On the way back home, I drove along the beach and saw an eagle high up in a pine tree. All the cherry blossoms are out. It's definitely spring. I'm glad I went outside today.

Healing for the Earth, DAY ONE: Walk Gently on the Earth

Hello fellow Earthlings,

Here is a message from my walk today through the woods towards Dungeness Spit in Sequim, Washington.

I've been called to write a daily month-long series called "Healing for the Earth," which includes ALL Earthlings and other beings on it. Here's my DAY ONE message for YOU!

Last night, I came back to Sequim after a few days in the Seattle area. Right away, I felt a pull to get very quiet and meditate. The energy out here is so strong and I'd like to share it with all of you. I am in a monthly Vision Circle with other like-minded souls who come together to drum for peace, love and harmony for each other and the planet. I created my own elk drum with River, who leads that group. It's interesting that my drum is made from elk hide as Sequim is the home of a large herd of elk.

I am a psychic and I'm able to channel. These are two things I haven't fully been able to own in public, but I've decided to own them here. I'm extremely sensitive to energy and I often pick up on very subtle vibrations. I often know when deer are near when I'm inside the house and I can feel sea animals, like seals, sea lions and whales, under the water out on Dungeness Spit. I know they are there and they often come up to the surface when I face the water and we have a few moments together. I'm aware of a very strong Native American energy here and feel the ancestors of Jamestown nearby. When I drum, they gather and I receive messages.

Last night I drummed for about 1 hour. I could feel the animals of the Earth and feel a Native American presence. I could feel that, as many have predicted, the Earth is going through a shift. It can not carry on as it has been. This shift is happening on a very deep level. It's asking each Earthling to drop inward and listen. It's calling Earthlings to experience and find answers within nature and in silence. It's calling for Earthlings to reduce or let go of technology. The answers are in nature and the natural elements of nature. It's calling us to RAISE the vibration by dropping inward.

Last night, I was instructed to burn sage and also to gather salt, particularly Himalayan salt, which is actually a crystal called Pink Halite and has similar properties to Rose Quartz. It's known to release negative ions in your environment which purify the air. I grounded this salt last night and mixed it with hot water and drank it. I felt energy and clarity in my lungs and throat. I turned on my salt lamp in the evening and I also have a night light with Himalayan salt pieces in it that has an immediate calming affect on me.

This morning I felt a pull to Dungeness Spit. The mountains and deer were out and the sun was so bright. Here's a picture from my walk on The Spit today:

 Before I left, I drew a card from my Earth Magic Oracle deck the I got at Breitenbush Hotsprings in Oregon. Each card displays beautiful art connected to the Earth and a message with each picture. I drew GREEN MAN which I found so appropriate because tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day and also because the message on the card is so pertinent to our times. Here's the photo and here's what the literature says about the card:

Green Man reminds us of the incredible synergy required for Gaia to maintain her delicate and dynamic balance among the various beings on the planet....We witness this (synergy) in the complex and cooperative interaction between plants, humans and animals.

And here is the message:

A flow of life is guiding you, where things seem to fall into place as you move about your business. You are in a mutually cooperative interaction with Spirit, as your will is aligned with the will of Spirit, and your mission in congruent with your sense of purpose. When this is happening, there is a synergy, a way that your life force is continually coming into balance with the forces of Nature.

Yes, I feel this. Nature is guiding me out here and is available at any time for anyone. I feel like the messages are everywhere! On the beach in the sun lying against a log, I picked up a handful of sand and let it sift through my fingers, fall and become part of the many grains that were already there. I feel we are in a time of letting go of FEAR and expanding and being more part of this Earth which we inhabit by being loving and walking gently upon her. She is such a gift to us.

Peace + Love + and Harmony to all of you, my fellow Earthlings. Until tomorrow.....

The Lucky One

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I'm cut off from most social media out in Sequim. In fact, it's hard for me to get phone service where I am.

 I went into the city early on Wednesday for my class at the college and spent the night at a friend's in Greenwood. It was nice being in my old, familiar stomping grounds of Seattle, but the pace was also intense. Everything in the city has been created to make humans comfortable. I walk into Whole Foods and it's like walking into Las Vegas, only with food. In fact, I swear I heard some sort of electronic sound that seemed to mimic a winning on a slot machine.

The day after my class, the creature comforts were actually welcome. I didn't have much to do that day and I found myself browsing in East West Bookshop above Whole Foods. I walked around and looked at native jewelry and picked up tarot card decks and sat in the back with a book from the Used Book section of the store.

Then, I wandered back down to Whole Foods and drank a Kombucha and filled out a Valentine's Day Card for my boyfriend. He just got a new place in the city. Originally, the plan was for him to move to Sequim with me, but all his work is in the Seattle area, so it made more sense for him to be there. It's strange, we are in a relationship, but I hardly see him. I will see him tomorrow. I bought him a housewarming gift for his new place. It's good that he has a place in the city, because it makes it easier for me when I'm in town and need a place to stay.

Whenever I come back to Sequim, out here on the Peninsula of Washington State, everything slows way down. It's hard for me to move at a fast pace. I feel like there is a lot of healing going on here. I haven't written as much as I've wanted to. I feel I will write more, but I've been called to pay deep attention to each moment.

Today the sun outside pulled me towards The Spit and I walked way down the beach late in the afternoon. The waves were calm and the tide was out. It was pleasant and warm. My heart loves the ocean. It comes alive there. I like looking at the vastness of it. It's like looking at emptiness.

I took a stick I found on the beach and began to draw words in the sand: book, house, love. After I wrote these words, I enjoyed watching the gentle waves roll up on to the beach and erase them. Just like that they were gone, out to sea.

And I feel like the lucky one to have this time. Somehow in this life I'm living I have created time for inner work. It's so valuable to me. In fact, it's the most important work I'm doing. It's very subtle. Sometimes it feels I'm doing nothing at all and wasting time, but when I slow down, I can actually feel so much happening on the inside.

I move as slow as the animals move out here. Did you know that when you slow down and feel each movement, wild animals will come very close? You are moving at their speed. They can sense your gentleness. You are speaking their language.

I want to speak the language of the Earth.

I'm in a comfortable house out here that protects me from the outside. Today I received a text from a friend who I hadn't heard from in a very long time. He didn't write any words, he just sent me a link to Alison Krauss's song "The Lucky One." And when I listen to the words, I can really feel that this is my life.

You're the lucky one so I've been told
As free as the wind blowing down the road
Loved by many, hated by none
I'd say you are lucky 'cause 
You know what you've done
Not a care in the world, not a worry in sight
Everything is gonna be alright 'cause 
You're the lucky one....

It's not that life is easy or without problems. There are problems. The world can be fierce and crazy sometimes and, like the waves out on The Spit which can take everything in their wake, it can toss and turn us and leave us flat on our asses, pardon my French.

But deep under that ocean is a calm. It's available at any time. All the dramas in the world are the waves. They just keep coming.

Instead of letting these dramas, or waves, get stuck in me, I'm experimenting with letting them wash over me and not suck me out to sea.

I want to ride the waves, not fight them.

I'm working with boundaries and what feels right to me in any given moment and I'm not afraid anymore of the uncomfortableness that it creates to speak my truth.

I stepped out onto the deck of the house at around 10pm because I heard coyotes howling. I was barefoot and the cold against my skin woke me up. Is it a full moon? I wondered. I saw the big dipper, it was straight up and down so that the dipper was pointing towards the earth as if it were pouring its sparkly brilliance onto the green grass of the golf course. I then walked out the front door in search of the moon. No moon. All was quiet in the small suburb where I am staying. There were lights shining from windows in all the little houses and I imagined people were snug and warm inside. How lucky we all are to have food, shelter, hot water, etc. Most of us have the essentials and the rest is icing on the cake.

We are not here to own and fight and worry and fear. We are passing through this place to love and to  learn lessons and then we will return to that great big ocean that we came from, all of us drops of it.

We are the lucky ones to be here and have this opportunity to be alive.

We are the lucky ones...

The Spaces Between Doing and Being

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I woke up this morning with the awareness that the Earth was covered in a blanket of snow. Everything on the Earth was very still. I couldn't see it, but I could sense it and I knew. I walked through the dark hallway to the living room and pulled open the blinds that confirmed my thoughts. A deer stood there in the snow staring at me. They seem to come all the time now and very close to the house. We locked eyes for what seemed like a few minutes before it began munching on grass that poked through the snow. Then, all of a sudden, as if it had been called by something in the wind, it turned and walked across the golf course leaving fresh hoof prints in the otherwise untouched blanket of white. It didn't walk in a straight line. It created a curvy pathway back to the bushes on the edge of the golf course. The curves were perfectly symmetrical, almost as if the snow was cut with a cookie cutter of waves. As the morning moved along, those hoof prints became deep grooves that left a mark. It was just one squiggle on a blank page of white. It was an invitation to pause before I began to write.

And it seemed like every time I wanted to write, the moment pulled me in again.

It's now evening. I fired up the sauna on the deck. When I plug it in, lights and music come on. I waited until it reached 105 degrees before I got in. I sat in there and drank lemon water and journaled. What a luxury to be out here alone to write and prepare my online class for the college. How fortunate to have this blank canvas to create. I breathed in the dry cedar and let it warm me to the bone. After an hour I came out and my deer friend was sitting on a snowy hill in the dark, legs gently tucked under her, staring at me through soft snowflakes that swirled around before they found a suitable place to land.

I turned off the sauna. One button shuts off the whole machine, heat music, lights and all. It was me and the deer in the dark. I started to feel a chill enter my body standing there now with snow all around and I hurried inside to warm up. I immediately went and showered and pulled on a pair of sweats, wool socks, a t-shirt, cashmere sweater and and my favorite lambswool scarf that I got on a trip to New Zealand a few years ago.

Earlier in the day,  I walked out to Graysmarsh Beach to the eagle totem pole and walked further out on to the frigid beach with blue glacier-like water. It was so cold that even the seagulls took shelter on a nearby neighborhood street. I stared out past the water to the snowy banks of land dotted with houses that were also covered in snow. So quiet. I could smell cedar burning in wood stoves and it warmed me inside to know that people were snug in their own spaces.

On the way back, a few cars wandered down Woodcock Road. The roads were pretty clear and I imagined people were going about their day regardless of the weather conditions. I suppose I could have scraped the snow from my car and made it down to the post office to send off some bills and letters, but I felt like everything on the planet was calling me to stop. So I did.

I keep trying to understand what I am meant to do. I keep trying to grab a hold of a thread or a clue or a sign. I created a list to keep me on task, but the moments unfold on their own. If everything is planned, I miss what's right here.

Right.
Here.

I did knock some things off that list. I prepared my online class, did a load of laundry, emailed a few people. But between each task, there's a huge pause. Even typing these words feels a bit like wading through molasses. Even if I want my fingers to flutter across the keys, they don't. Maybe I meant to find the answers in the spaces between doing and being.

Maui Musings Day 21: Face the Fear and Do It Anyway

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

I have been out here in Maui for 21 days and tonight is my 12th night ALONE, besides the two pups I'm caring for. I will tell you honestly, I've been facing so many BIG fears. Some of the fears feel so big that I want to put my tail between my legs and run home. I know, I know. Right now you are thinking, "What could possibly go wrong in paradise?" Well, you've heard of those airplanes disappearing in the Bermuda triangle, haven't you? A lot can go wrong in paradise, just as much as anywhere else. After all, on the 13th of January, everyone in Hawaii thought a ballistic missile was headed right for us. If that's not something that would scare the pants off of any human, I don't know what would.

I want to report to you all that I'm alive and well. I haven't talked to any volleyballs yet, like Tom Hanks ended up doing in that movie. What was the name of it? I've had some battles with my eyes and throat. I think it was VOG (volcanic gases coming over from the Big Island). I had to wear my very unattractive glasses for many days because my eyes were burning. But, hey, I'm not dressing up for anyone right now, so who cares.

So, since I've been out here, gardeners and people who tend to the land on occasion have asked me, "Are you okay out here by yourself?" I've been asked that question so many times by locals that I've begun to think maybe I SHOULD be afraid. My very active mind has turned all kinds of night time noises into aliens, kidnappers, dangerous wild creatures...you name it. I've had to talk myself out of strange scenarios my mind concocts again and again and again.

I'm very psychic and intuitive. I believe we create our realities and circumstances or, at the very least, our minds can create a good or bad view of things. I have a strong connection to Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes. I have felt her with me numerous times out here below Haleakala. She is one of my spirit guides. She holds my hand and creates a firewall of protection all around the property. She guards this place. She protects it because the owners have put so much aloha (love) into the place and she protects anything that has to do with ALOHA. Another tool I use is GOLD. I'm able to put up gold light all around me, the property, the land, Hawaii and sometimes I can stretch it to encompass the country and beyond. I work with gold light a lot. I know this sounds like hocus pocus, but our reality is created by what we believe. If I believe gold light is all around me, then it is. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My higher self knows so much and is so capable, but my smaller self is a fearful, shivering child. I oscillate between these two. I believe I'm here to bring these two aspects of myself into harmony.

How does one do that? By giving that small, shivering little self a TON OF ALOHA! Don't expect it from anyone else. You have to give it to yourself. To be honest, I get ALOT of support from friends, my boyfriend (who checks in with me at least once a day) and the owners, who have been so supportive of me being out here. Also, I'm here with two pups who are going through their own fears. Yes, these two little beings that I'm in charge of are also working through things. They are here with me and I am clearly NOT their mom or dad. But they've learned to love me. I'm all they've got and they are all I've got right now.

Today, there was thunder and lightening on the property that was very intense. I had a plan to go down the hill to meet a high school friend and another friend who is in town from Seattle. I was so excited to meet these people because, well, there hasn't been much human contact out here. But the rain was so intense and one of the little dogs was shivering uncontrollably. Have you ever been so scared that you couldn't stop shaking? Well, that was this little dog. How on earth could I go down the mountain in the pouring rain, thunder and lightening to meet my friends when this little pup was practically hyperventilating from fear.

I contacted my friends and made a plan to meet them another day. Once again, it would be just me and the pups at night. I put the little pup into my lap and meditated and eventually her breathing settled and she curled up in a ball and finally took a rest. I don't know if she will ever overcome this fear of thunder and lightening, but feeling comforted and feeling ALOHA come her way was a big help in settling her down.

The pups also put me at ease. When there is someone who comes onto the property they bark and I know they are being protective of me. They also sleep very close to me. We are tuned into each other now. Feeling loved and supported by others is also helpful in overcoming fears. We are all in this together, so when we can connect and help one another, it lessens these fears. Love for myself and love for others seems to be the key. Sometimes I see that small fearful child in me and realize she is also like a separate being. She needs me (my higher self) to wrap my arms around her in a warm, loving embrace. What if each one of us did this for ourselves? What if we were able to soothe ourselves when we felt scared, alone, sad, or depressed?

This is what I've been doing out here. I've been loving that child within me. I've been hearing her say, "I'm really scared." and I've been showering her with love, gold light, comfort, kind words, peace, good food, trips to the beach, yoga classes....whatever she needs.

The other day, that small child said, "That's IT! I can't take it anymore!" She had spent too many days alone on the property and she really just wanted to GET OUT. I treated her to a day at the beach and lunch in the town nearby. I let her write in her journal, people watch, swim in the blue ocean, feel the sand in her toes, eat a cookie, listen to her favorite tunes, spin the prayer wheel at the Tibetan temple.

Sometimes that's what we need when we feel fearful or alone. We just need to tell ourselves, "I love you, you will be fine, I'm here for you."

I have found that this alone time has had tremendous healing effects. I don't need to be afraid because I have love.

Fear, anger, resentment, sadness, loss or depression can be there on the surface or in the background, but love (aloha) for oneself and others conquers all.

What is your biggest fear? What have you done to love yourself when you feel worried, fearful, sad or alone?