Saturday, January 27, 2018

Maui Musings Day 21: Face the Fear and Do It Anyway

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

I have been out here in Maui for 21 days and tonight is my 12th night ALONE, besides the two pups I'm caring for. I will tell you honestly, I've been facing so many BIG fears. Some of the fears feel so big that I want to put my tail between my legs and run home. I know, I know. Right now you are thinking, "What could possibly go wrong in paradise?" Well, you've heard of those airplanes disappearing in the Bermuda triangle, haven't you? A lot can go wrong in paradise, just as much as anywhere else. After all, on the 13th of January, everyone in Hawaii thought a ballistic missile was headed right for us. If that's not something that would scare the pants off of any human, I don't know what would.

I want to report to you all that I'm alive and well. I haven't talked to any volleyballs yet, like Tom Hanks ended up doing in that movie. What was the name of it? I've had some battles with my eyes and throat. I think it was VOG (volcanic gases coming over from the Big Island). I had to wear my very unattractive glasses for many days because my eyes were burning. But, hey, I'm not dressing up for anyone right now, so who cares.

So, since I've been out here, gardeners and people who tend to the land on occasion have asked me, "Are you okay out here by yourself?" I've been asked that question so many times by locals that I've begun to think maybe I SHOULD be afraid. My very active mind has turned all kinds of night time noises into aliens, kidnappers, dangerous wild creatures...you name it. I've had to talk myself out of strange scenarios my mind concocts again and again and again.

I'm very psychic and intuitive. I believe we create our realities and circumstances or, at the very least, our minds can create a good or bad view of things. I have a strong connection to Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes. I have felt her with me numerous times out here below Haleakala. She is one of my spirit guides. She holds my hand and creates a firewall of protection all around the property. She guards this place. She protects it because the owners have put so much aloha (love) into the place and she protects anything that has to do with ALOHA. Another tool I use is GOLD. I'm able to put up gold light all around me, the property, the land, Hawaii and sometimes I can stretch it to encompass the country and beyond. I work with gold light a lot. I know this sounds like hocus pocus, but our reality is created by what we believe. If I believe gold light is all around me, then it is. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My higher self knows so much and is so capable, but my smaller self is a fearful, shivering child. I oscillate between these two. I believe I'm here to bring these two aspects of myself into harmony.

How does one do that? By giving that small, shivering little self a TON OF ALOHA! Don't expect it from anyone else. You have to give it to yourself. To be honest, I get ALOT of support from friends, my boyfriend (who checks in with me at least once a day) and the owners, who have been so supportive of me being out here. Also, I'm here with two pups who are going through their own fears. Yes, these two little beings that I'm in charge of are also working through things. They are here with me and I am clearly NOT their mom or dad. But they've learned to love me. I'm all they've got and they are all I've got right now.

Today, there was thunder and lightening on the property that was very intense. I had a plan to go down the hill to meet a high school friend and another friend who is in town from Seattle. I was so excited to meet these people because, well, there hasn't been much human contact out here. But the rain was so intense and one of the little dogs was shivering uncontrollably. Have you ever been so scared that you couldn't stop shaking? Well, that was this little dog. How on earth could I go down the mountain in the pouring rain, thunder and lightening to meet my friends when this little pup was practically hyperventilating from fear.

I contacted my friends and made a plan to meet them another day. Once again, it would be just me and the pups at night. I put the little pup into my lap and meditated and eventually her breathing settled and she curled up in a ball and finally took a rest. I don't know if she will ever overcome this fear of thunder and lightening, but feeling comforted and feeling ALOHA come her way was a big help in settling her down.

The pups also put me at ease. When there is someone who comes onto the property they bark and I know they are being protective of me. They also sleep very close to me. We are tuned into each other now. Feeling loved and supported by others is also helpful in overcoming fears. We are all in this together, so when we can connect and help one another, it lessens these fears. Love for myself and love for others seems to be the key. Sometimes I see that small fearful child in me and realize she is also like a separate being. She needs me (my higher self) to wrap my arms around her in a warm, loving embrace. What if each one of us did this for ourselves? What if we were able to soothe ourselves when we felt scared, alone, sad, or depressed?

This is what I've been doing out here. I've been loving that child within me. I've been hearing her say, "I'm really scared." and I've been showering her with love, gold light, comfort, kind words, peace, good food, trips to the beach, yoga classes....whatever she needs.

The other day, that small child said, "That's IT! I can't take it anymore!" She had spent too many days alone on the property and she really just wanted to GET OUT. I treated her to a day at the beach and lunch in the town nearby. I let her write in her journal, people watch, swim in the blue ocean, feel the sand in her toes, eat a cookie, listen to her favorite tunes, spin the prayer wheel at the Tibetan temple.

Sometimes that's what we need when we feel fearful or alone. We just need to tell ourselves, "I love you, you will be fine, I'm here for you."

I have found that this alone time has had tremendous healing effects. I don't need to be afraid because I have love.

Fear, anger, resentment, sadness, loss or depression can be there on the surface or in the background, but love (aloha) for oneself and others conquers all.

What is your biggest fear? What have you done to love yourself when you feel worried, fearful, sad or alone?


Monday, January 15, 2018

Maui Musings Day 9: The Last Day on Earth

Dear fellow Earthlings,

If this were your last day in this current incarnation on the planet, what would you do? How would you feel to know you only have a day left to live? Have you been living each day as if it were your last? Have you been appreciating your life? Is there something that needs to change?

It seemed like just another day on Maui. I awoke, once again, to the sound of birds singing together in a grand symphony as the sun rose over the ocean casting a pink and red glow across the horizon.

I rubbed my eyes and thought about my boyfriend. I've been away from him for about a week and I still have another 25 days or so to go until I see him. I posted a video of us  and a few photos of the last few days in Maui on Facebook. Then I sat there in complete gratitude in my bed, in my dome with nature surrounding me.

And then this happened:

It flashed across my screen in an instant. It read:

Emergency Alert:
BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Holy shit! This was not a joke. In that moment, everything stopped and I froze. And then thoughts started to flood back in. I thought, How long is it going to take the missile to reach Hawaii? and What am I going to do with the short time I have left?

I went over to the owner's main house and talked to them about it and my friend's husband was pretty confident that it was not going to happen. Still, those words on my phone and everyone's phone were clear and we had not received another message yet to let us know that it was not going to happen, so I had to treat it like it was true.

Up on the mountain, we are fully exposed. There is no shelter. At least no shelter underground. If we were going out, we'd surely go out with a bang. I paced the property and then decided to FaceTime my boyfriend. He was shocked to hear the news, but he also did not believe it would happen and reassured me that when he looked at it psychically, all looked well. And, he was angry that this message had gone out to the entire population of Hawaii, scaring the pants off so many people. He made me feel calm and reassured and it felt good to talk to him and see his face.

The next thing I did was find the most succulent piece of tropical fruit I could eat. In this case, it was a tangerine that had grown on the property. I wanted to get a taste of this good earth in me, if I was going to leave it.

I sat on a patch of grass near the Plumeria tree and felt the pulp of the tangerine squirt in my mouth. I sucked the juices in like sweet nectar. I appreciated each bite. As I was eating this fruit and talking to my boyfriend, I felt a deep sense of love and gratitude for my life. I felt my guides all around me. One of my guides is Pele, goddess of volcanoes. I felt her power to repel any negative forces affecting these sacred islands, even missiles.

All of these things calmed me down and allowed me to sit in the beauty of nature with confidence.

 If I were to leave the planet today, I know I can say that I had a wonderful life with lots of love, adventure, happiness, fun and joy. I can also say that I am so appreciative of my family and each person who has crossed my path.

I felt happy that I could honestly say that at this point in my life. And once I felt this, I knew I would be okay. I know that I have a divine purpose on this planet. I know that it involves writing and sharing my journey with others. I can feel a book in me. I know it is bubbling deep down at the core of my being. I know it wants to be born and I feel much of it will get written on this trip, especially now that the ballistic missile was a false alarm. It is strange how a threat like that puts all things into perspective.

Even though I was completely shaking in my slippahs when that message flashed across my screen, a deeper part of me said, "Feel the love (aloha) around you. Tune in to THAT!" It was a very good lesson. I could be afraid, but I could still feel love and gratitude for my life. We don't like to think about our last day on earth being near, but it is a good thing to ponder. Personally, I believe that we come back again in one form or another. We are here to learn as much as we can and live out our divine purpose. Life presents us with lessons and challenges, but ultimately I feel we all go back to the same source we came from. We all go back to the same light and each one of us are sparks of that great light. Knowing this, I feel calm. No matter what happens, we return to the same place.

Sometimes I  wonder what my life is for. I can't know the complete path. None of us can. Yet, often times, I feel I'm being guided. My intuition tells me strongly, "Do THIS!" Coming to Maui was one of those things. I was determined to make it happen because I felt deeply drawn to immerse myself in this land. I felt deep healing would happen. I felt my spirit call me back to these islands for a reason.
If this were my last day on earth, I can honestly say that I followed my heart here. I can also say that I feel gratitude for everything in my life, even the challenging, unpleasant parts. Those parts got me here. What a blessing!

What would you do if it were your last day on earth? Is there anything you would change right now if you knew that your days were numbered?

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Maui Musings Day 8: Tuning into the Sacred Land

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I write you from inside a geodesic dome below Haleakala, fire chakra of the planet. I'm on Maui on my girlfriend's property. I'm here to tune in, be mindful, take care of the animals and plants, take care of myself, and immerse myself in ALOHA. Right now, outside, I hear the sound of crickets and cows mooing in the distance. I'm far from the tourists. There are no neighbors or other people I can see from where I am and soon I will be completely alone here. What am I doing here, you ask? I do not really know, but I keep getting called back to these islands again and again and again. The land here calls for me to slow down and tune in. Every morning I wake to a symphony of birds. I usually make myself a cup of tea and lemon water from lemons that grow on the property. They are sweet and almost have a taste like oranges. Then, I usually sit in bed a little while longer, looking out the dome windows onto the property. I like to walk the labyrinth at the top of the property everyday. It's an act of mindfulness for me. I walk and feel each step touch the earth. When I face Haleakala, I hold my hands to my chest and bow in respect to this sacred volcano. At the bench, in the center of the labyrinth, I pick up the pink quartz crystal the size of my hand and feel it's smooth and cool surface. I hold it in my lap and just feel the energy. I then move the crystal to my heart and hold it there and sometimes I move it to my head. I often feel like kissing and blessing this crystal before I lay it back down. I then continue on the labyrinth path, winding my way out.

It's hard "to do" here because I mostly feel like "being" and just tuning in. I let my body move naturally in the way it wants to. I see what calls to me. I am open. I am here to receive. My girlfriend and I usually go into town in the morning. Sometimes we go to the beach or a yoga class or we get a bite to eat. I have so enjoyed her company and I have enjoyed eating meals with her, her husband and pups. They will leave soon and I will be here to tend to the place alone, except for the dogs, chickens, and the occasional worker who comes onto the property for a short time to do some maintenance or cleaning.

I have been called here. I have been called to take time off to write, get healthy, and to really hear what my heart wants. I know it's about tuning in without distractions. There's a part of me that is afraid of that and there is a bigger part that knows I need it.

The weather changes all the time, especially here at the foot of Haleakala. Sometimes it feels like a dark massive rain cloud might just suck me up and in the next moment, I'm basking in the sun.

When I first arrived here, I got really sick. I had a migraine, my face felt numb, I had pain in my tooth and I felt like vomiting. It took everything in my power not to vomit. I was consumed by pain. I had just arrived and I felt I might have to go to the emergency room. My girlfriend gave me a ice pack for my head and left me in my dome to rest for the night. In the morning, I awoke feeling like a new person. I call that my "initiation." After all, I was coming from the city and from the airplane. People were coughing and sneezing on the plane. The cramped space was full of trapped air that we were all breathing. My body went through a massive reaction when I arrived at this pristine place where avocados, lemons, oranges and bananas hang in abundance from trees.

In order to match the energy here, I had to detox and release all that I came with. And I'm still detoxing and releasing. I'm still healing here.

I'm healing the last two something years. I'm becoming a new person and I'm letting go of ALOT.

When you think nothing is happening and nothing is changing or shifting, look again. Look at what is happening in the world. It may seem chaotic, but it has to happen. Instead of getting anxious or nervous or scared, just sit for a moment. Tune in and be with that energy for awhile, even the chaotic or painful energy. Let it wash over you. Give it back to the earth to be recycled or reconfigured.

Something wants to grow here. Something wants to shift. I'm feeling that. The earth is a great teacher and perhaps our greatest teacher right now. I want to be quiet and take it all in. I feel blessed for that opportunity.