Healing for the Earth, Day 30: Life, Death and Waking Up To This Moment Right Here and Now

Dear fellow Earthlings,

Day 30 is here and so is River with thoughts about life and death and the precious moments we have right here, right now in front of us. I'm so pleased to have River, the facilitator of my shaman circle, here to share her beautiful words with us all. I will be back tomorrow with final words of how this month of blogging was for me, but now, here's River....

Earlier today, a man came and took Dad’s car away. Moments after reading Mae’s story, I was still close to tears. So, perhaps it wasn’t surprising that as I watched it go I had a flash of remembering the ambulance that took Dad’s body away a year ago. I welcome the tears for the second time today, sitting on the front steps in the warm spring light, the smell of Daphne and Magnolia scenting the air. I miss him. I’ll never stop missing him.

There’s no doubt that the love is still here. Pure and strong. His face is so clear and close. I’m grateful for the old photo of him I found in the garage a few days ago. Just like I remember him; steering the boat, an old outboard. He’s brown as a berry, smiling, relaxed, free. He used to take me out of school this time of year if it was sunny out, so we could get out on the water. Lots of times it was just me and Dad.

Now, I’m walking in my neighborhood. Its a beautiful spring day and flowers are blooming everywhere. The air is fresher than its been in a long time and there are so few cars on the road its a pleasure to walk down the middle. I grew up in small towns and developed my love of walking down the middle of the road honestly.

It’s as if the neighborhood is waking up to itself. There are people out in front yards doing all kinds of things. Gardening, cleaning out garages, working on cars. Off work and tired of being cooped up and isolated, people are smiling at one another and starting up conversations with neighbors they’ve previously barely glimpsed. From a safe social distance of course. And now I’m discovering my neighborhood as it discovers itself. When I discover a park at the end of the road, with wetlands, dirt trails and a beaver dam, I feel like I’ve won the lottery.

Even though I’m enjoying the astonishing gift of today, I’m also walking along thinking about death. Sometimes, when I think about dying, its scary. Maybe its because I don’t know what it will be like for me. I know that even if I could hear every story that ever was, I still wouldn’t know. I’m hoping for an experience something like Mae’s experience with her friend Robin. I hope I’ll be smiling and with someone who loves me. I wish that for everyone. I send out a silent prayer, as I often do, when I remember those who are dying of the virus at this very moment. May Divine Mother hold each and every one.

As I walk, I'm thinking and feeling into it all, right here in the middle of what is usually a busy road. And I find another fear curled up inside my fear of death. The fear that I will fail. I love this World more than words can say. Its beauty feeds me, heart and soul. Its Aliveness is my aliveness. And Humanity, with our struggle to be born as a Global People, is heartbreaking and beautiful, and so in need of our collective compassion and support.

I need to be of service. Am I doing everything I’m suppose to do today? Am I missing chances to make a difference?

There is some Thing, holding me right this moment as I question my life and my purpose. Something beneath and all around me and its strong, solid and calm. It is Compassion for this need I have, this wanting to be worthy of my life and this Beauty. It holds me through the grief of having failed over and over again, and accepts me as I am right now, gently encouraging me to step into Life. What is this? Who is this? "Hu..."

The answer comes as birds singing and sky bluer than I’ve seen in years. A particular shade I’ve only seen here where I live and nowhere else. Warm sun and people puttering in their gardens, cleaning out garages, washing cars, planting flowers. Our neighborhood is getting more beautiful by the moment. I breathe a little deeper.

With Love, River

For over 10 years, River Ledgerwood has practiced as a Sufi Mystic and Shamanic Healer. She is a Reiki Practitioner level II, and Dervish Healing Order Healing Conductor with the Ruhaniat International Sufi Order. She co-teaches with Hank Wesselman at Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat and Conference Center and Mosswood Hollow in Duvall Washington.

Letting go of Toilet Paper....

Fellow Earthlings,

Are you feeling it?

Panic, chaos, viruses, crazy leaders, tornadoes, school closures, no hand sanitizer and no toilet paper...these are the topics of the emails and articles coming through from afar. I feel removed and separate and it reminds me of a dream I had where I saw what was going on, but was not part of it. More about that later.

Truthfully, it's weird to be out here in Sequim already quarantined in nature. I'm out here with the eagles, hawks, deer, seals, crabs, salmon, elk. In fact, sometimes they are the only beings I come into contact with on any given day.

I'm teaching an online class at the college, so actually, I don't need to meet students and risk getting exposed. The coronavirus has taken 11 lives in Washington State and 70 people have been infected and that number is expected to rise. Governor Inslee has called a state of emergency in Washington State. My colleagues at the college are scrambling to make arrangements with their students for the end of the quarter because they may not be able to finish the quarter with their students. We are waiting to see if our college closes.

But out here, things move slowly. Since I moved out here in December, this land has been calling me to stop and TUNE IN. Whenever I have big plans to get things done, the land calls me to put it all aside and get outside. It's not that I don't get things done, it's that my plans are often interrupted by nature's schedule. If I wake up and it's sunny, I put my shoes on and go. I want to be down on Dungeness Spit breathing in the salty air and hearing the waves roar. While I'm walking, I often close my eyes and drink it all in with my entire body. I breathe in the sun, sand, wind, salt, breeze, clouds, waves and bird calls. My body vibrates with all of it. I feel stripped down to the core essentials out here.

After hiking at the Spit today, I headed to my bank to cash a check and decided to stock up on some food. I hadn't been to the store in a few days and truthfully, I didn't really want to be amongst shoppers who all had the potential of being carriers of this disease. Every time I'd hear a cough, it would propel me to wander away from whatever aisle I was on to one that was empty or sparsely populated. I'm trying not to buy into the fear, but it's there. I'd like to believe it hasn't made its way to Sequim, but my answer was there in the hand sanitizer section where I stopped in front of a gaping hole of nothingness. Same with the toilet paper section. I'd have to let those go for now.

Back in my car, I took 5th Ave past Old Olympic Highway to Evans Road. I passed trumpeter swans breeding in a nearby field of a farm with a worn-out red barn. Not a single car passed me on those roads. I turned left on Dungeness-Sequim Highway and then a right on Woodcock Road making my way past Graysmarsh Farm, a huge estate that seems to go on forever and where you can pick blueberries and strawberries in the summer, but not much is happening there right now.

I often wonder what I'm doing out here. I'm 50 years old and I'm living at home. That's the stuff people talk over fences in hushed voices with their neighbors about and here I am doing it, without toilet paper even. What has the world come to? What have I come to?

On the outside, things may look dire. But on the inside I feel this unbelievable gratitude for my life and I feel the earth vibrate with an incredible goodness. I feel the wildlife on it calling everyone to stop and listen. I feel I am a witness to this language that has no words. I move with the wind. I feel the rhythm of the earth out here. I feel the native energy. Nearby my family's house is the grave of Native American Chief Lord James Balch. There's a huge eagle totem there to honor him. He was one of the first natives to pool money together with fellow tribesmen to purchase 210 acres that is known as Jamestown. It's not a reservation, it's owned by the natives. I walk past this great chief's grave to the beach frequently. The energy is so strong around there. And I have dreams of a world that is calling us back to our origin. It's calling us back to when we listened and knew. Yes, I'm remembering this language that has no words. It comes to me in dreams.

I am not going crazy, but the world might be. I'm stopping and I'm listening and I'm hearing.

In January, there was a snowstorm that hit The Peninsula quite hard. I was alone out in Sequim. The wind was howling through the trees and shaking the windows. Right before the power went out, I found a dream I wrote on paper about the end of the world. Minutes after I finished reading it, everything went dark. I felt along the wall to the living room where I knew I had candles and matches and I  lit candles all around the room and lit the gas fireplace. I was warm inside, but I wanted to feel the swirl of nature outside, at least for a few minutes. I stepped out into the howling wind and felt cold snowflakes hit my face. I was barefoot on the deck. I could see the glowing red eyes of deer huddled under pine trees. They had been sleeping there in front of the house for a month unafraid. I felt their presence daily and knew they had messages for me. Back inside, I piled blankets on top of me and huddled in front of the gas fire place and read my dream again.

I have lost the piece of paper with the dream on it. I know it's somewhere. Anyway, here's the gist of it:

People were in a panic. There was some kind of tsunami happening and waves were crashing all around and buildings were falling down. People were running through the streets screaming and police cars were zooming around with their sirens blaring, but I was inside an old cave watching all of this from afar as if watching it on a movie screen. It was real and in front of me, but I was not part of the madness. An old man with a very long beard, I imagine Confucius to look like, was sitting cross-legged in the dirt also watching. Just then I grabbed a stick and began to draw a line in the dirt. I drew two inches forward and three inches backwards. My hand moved effortlessly and I don't recall I knew what I was doing with my logical mind or even if I was doing it. The old man bowed to me and told me it was about balancing the planet. I felt very calm and collected and sure that things would work out and rebalance. There was nothing to do, it was more about be-ing.

I don't believe it is about magic or miracles or anything out of the ordinary. I just believe it's about tuning in and listening. Most of our lives we move in the way our fellow humans move. If one person panics, we all begin to panic. What if we didn't panic and follow the crowd, but chose to really stop and listen deep within and move from there? What if we allowed our deep inner experiences to guide us on the outside rather than allowing the outside to dictate our inner state. I'm letting my inner compass guide me out here. I'm completely unafraid. I trust things will work out even if everything looks like it's falling apart and more importantly, even if there's no more toilet paper.

Going Backwards at Full Speed

Hello fellow Earthlings,
I'm alone in Sequim today and I've been really contemplating what this life is for? Don't get me wrong, I'm not at the end of my rope, but sometimes it feels like I'm going backwards at full speed.

 I spent the holidays in a remote, small cabin with my family for 3 nights. Try that out. I dare you. Whatever you believed you were or how much you thought you knew what you were doing and where you were going, family reminds you of all the things you'd rather not dig up or get into. I'm talking about beliefs, politics, your foibles, those things you did (even though you don't do them anymore) that define you for life. "Remember when..." It's like family has put a big stamp on your forehead. A tattoo, if you will, that says, "Loses keys, is DIVORCED, doesn't have children, posts too much on Facebook, has an easy life, doesn't care about others, lives paycheck to paycheck, doesn't have it together." The stupid thing is that I actually care about what people think, particularly my family, but they will never, ever completely get me because they aren't interested in getting me. They are just interested in coming together, with all of their individual beliefs and ideas about how this life should be lived, and celebrating the holidays together because that's what families are supposed to do and we are family.

 For the most part, we were able to do that. We cooked together, complemented on each others' cooking, walked together in the snow, talked, sat in the hot tub and around the fire. We recalled stories and mingled and played games and all was well and I did feel happy to be with them because, after all, we never know how much time we've got with one another.

What I discovered is that as long as we stayed away from all the things that each of us really believe in, we were good. As long as we didn't really scratch more than the surface of each person's life or interests or what made them really tick, we were good.

Until we weren't good. Until we were going full speed backwards down a snowy driveway heading straight for a garage door with my boyfriend at the wheel. He had lost control on the ice. The only thing I really wanted to do was jump out of that car into a snow bank and disappear. But we were all in this together, like it or not, and it was a family effort to get us out.

I thought my sister's family was already merrily heading down the road heading towards Leavenworth. The right back tire of our car, the Suburu my dad and step mom rented, was stuck in the snow bank. We all got out to evaluate the situation and I heard my brother-in-law shout from the top of the driveway, "Are you guys okay?" Well, I was actually relieved that they were still there. My step mom, who has bad knees, and I cautiously made our way to the bottom of the driveway and let the others work it out. They took a shovel and dug dirt up and put it under the tires and spread salt around and made cracks in the ice with a shovel. Eventually, my boyfriend gunned the engine and made it to the top of the snowy slope alone. The rest of us were at the bottom of the driveway and it took some effort to get my step mom up the driveway as she doesn't walk much these days and especially not in icy, snowy conditions. It was a group effort that took about 30 minutes to solve and it wasn't long before we were all on our way again.

And maybe that's just it. Maybe family are actually the people who soften the blow when we are going backwards at full speed. I say this from the warmth of my mom and step dad's house in Sequim, Washington. They are snowbirds and leave the Pacific Northwest for Arizona each winter. They have given me the chance to stay in their house this winter and write and teach my online class at the college. They've given me the gift of this space, even if they don't fully understand me or how I live or what I am doing.

Today I called my boyfriend on the drive out to Dungeness Spit. I can't get cell phone reception at the house.

 "I don't think I know what I'm doing anymore or what this life is for. I feel really bummed out," I said.

"You have a great life, Kathy. I know I can't convince you of this, but you do. I'm sorry you are feeling sad."

We've had our own challenges, my boyfriend and I, mostly in the financial arena. In all other areas, he's a great match for me and we really get each other and love each other deeply. I've had some health challenges lately and sometimes I become scared that I don't have long to live, but yet there's lots that I'd still like to do.

My girlfriend Sherry keeps a gratitude journal. I'm thinking of starting one. How did we become such an isolated society? Life is not easy sometimes. Lately I feel like there's a dark cloud over me. I keep looking up to see the sun and just see clouds. Perhaps it's because I live in the Pacific Northwest. There's a reason why people escape to places like Arizona and Florida in the winter. It can get very depressing here.

Despite the darkness and the cold, I walked for three miles or so out on Dungeness Spit today. I listened to the waves crash on the shore and when the water receded, I drew my wishes in the sand with a bamboo stick. I wrote, in capital letters, HEALTH, BOOKS, LOVE, HOUSE, TRAVEL.

 And then a gigantic wave formed in front of me, crashed and moved like lava towards my wishes erasing any trace of them. I walked on the clean slate of beach in front of me leaving only footprints and even those were devoured. I couldn't leave a trace if I wanted to. And I learned that I wasn't going backwards, not really. I was just going. Maybe that's all I need to do.

A Bridge to Another World

Dear Fellow Earthlings,

 Last night I dreamt that I was in Europe and got an opportunity to take a trip to a very mystical place. My friends had only one extra ticket and invited me. I can't be sure of the country, but it was snowy and cold, so the place felt a bit like Sweden or Norway or.....Narnia? My friends picked me up in a neighboring country and we drove over the border and high up in the snowy mountains towards a castle that was on an island. In order to visit this castle, we had to cross a bridge thousands of feet above the frozen water below. This was fine, except the bridge was made entirely of snow and it was very narrow. Only one car could pass at a time and there were no guardrails. Just setting out to cross this bridge could mean an untimely death, yet the castle on the other side was something not to be missed and the snow bridge itself, on the way to the castle, was celestial. We decided to risk it. The car swerved a bit on the bridge and many times we came very close to the edge. I remember feeling my heart in my throat looking down over the edge while watching snow fall. We did eventually get to the other side, but I don't remember much of the dream after that. I think the journey getting there was more interesting than the actual place.

Perhaps this dream is a metaphor for life and maybe a metaphor for my life right now, particularly. I can feel that I'm about to walk out on the edge again. I can feel I will complete my next book....finally. I have a ways to go, but I have carved out 4-5 days a week to work on it starting in January. I am afraid, actually, that I won't finish it and it is so important to me to do so. In fact, I have two books I'm working on simultaneously, one is the first book in a trilogy of fiction books and the other is a memoir or somewhat of a sequel to my first book. It takes so much energy to put myself out there again. Sometimes it feels like crossing a bridge that will never end. It's so much easier just to stay in my comfort zone and not do it, but I also feel it's the most important work I will do and have done. The memoir is calling me the strongest and I feel it will inform my trilogy series, so I would like to finish the memoir first.

I've been a bit melancholy. This turning-clocks-forward thing is getting me down. At 4:00pm, it's practically dark outside. I couldn't take just sitting inside when I got off from work, so I pulled off my work clothes and slipped into jeans and my down jacket and walked to Whole Foods for dinner and then upstairs to East West Bookshop for an astrology reading. The woman there confirmed that I would finish my book(s) and that they would be successful, but that it would be work and I'd have to stay focused.

 It's been a little over a month since I've turned 50. Today I found a video of a Kickstarter I created 10 days before my 45th birthday. I was still married then. In the Kickstarter, I asked friends and family to donate to help me be able to take time off to write. I never put it out there.

Perhaps there was just too much going on with my life? In fact, less than a year after making that video, my marriage fell apart and instead of moving forward, I went into a deep, dark cave of grief. I had felt so much confidence and the end of my marriage set me way back.

Over the last 4 years, however, I've made  huge leaps and bounds in my life. I created a new character, Venus on Fire, and performed a burlesque show in front of dozens of strangers on Capitol Hill in Seattle, I made a new boyfriend, I set up a psychic business and have taught many intuitive writing classes. I left my Seattle home that I shared with my ex-husband for almost 13 years and I've lived in Hawaii and traveled to Australia, New Zealand, Italy, France and Switzerland. In Italy, I co-led a retreat in Tuscany with 9 people. I did Pet Sitting in Port Townsend, Seattle and Italy. I have lived in my co-worker's basement apartment for a little over a year and I will move to my mom's in Sequim on December 15th for the winter to write and teach one class mostly online. Who knows where I will go after that?

I am moving forward and doing all the things I've dreamed of. In fact, often my dreams are so clear that they truly inform my waking life. I feel the Hood Canal Bridge on my way to Sequim could very well be that bridge to another world. I feel my life WILL open in more ways than I can imagine. I'm moving forwards. It's not a question of IF and not even a question of WHEN. It's happening RIGHT NOW. I'm on THAT bridge! There's no going back....

Disappeared

"I think I DISAPPEARED from here because I was afraid that I had failed in some way. I was angry at myself for not fully taking flight, but now I see that my inside is gaining energy—BIG ENERGY—for the next voyage."—Katherine Jenkins 

Dear fellow Earthlings,

Has it been six months almost? No I haven't disappeared, but almost. This earth game is intense. And sometimes life just picks you up and carries you for awhile. I got sucked into my mundane life again.

Just last February, while on Maui close to Haleakala, it felt like my rocket had launched. I was heading out into the great UNKNOWN. I was about to become an explorer. I traveled to remote parts of Australia and New Zealand...and....well, I wasn't really sure where I'd go after that.

But somehow I ended up back on that launch pad again. Somehow, this past fall, I returned to what I know, even though it's not 100% what I love. Maybe that's why it was hard to write. Because I found it hard to fully launch.

In September, I moved into my co-worker's mother-in-law in a wonderful part of Seattle after petsitting all summer in Port Townsend and Richmond Beach. By the end of the summer, I had signed on to teach an overload at the college where I've been a teacher for 13 or so years teaching ESL and Small Business to immigrants and refugees. My new living space has been good for me. It's allowed me to not be so uncertain about where I'll lay my head while I have a regular job. But, I'm not sure I've completely found my place in life.

I've really enjoyed my current neighborhood. The house I live in in Ravenna, Seattle is in walking distance to everything I love—grocery stores, coffee shops, yoga, Greenlake, a new age bookstore, massage, my counselor....everything! I can walk from here to Greenlake within 20 minutes. And the fall this year in Seattle proved to be the best I've witnessed in a long time! The vibrant colors of the fall leaves at the lake this year took my breath away. And now, on February 10th, all has disappeared beneath a blanket of snow. We haven't had snow like this in 40 years. Most winters in Seattle are rainy and wet. I managed to escape one of the worst winters for rain last year while on Maui and in Australia and New Zealand. I feel like I have hit the jackpot with the weather this year and have been in bliss since summer.

I have enjoyed the time and the new living situation, which is about 20 minutes from my job and about 15 minutes from where my boyfriend lives.

I enjoyed a trip with my boyfriend in early December to Florida to see my dad and step mom and got a taste of the travel bug again while touring around Saint Augustine (the oldest city in the USA), Tampa and Saint Pete. It doesn't matter where I travel, it could be in my own state, but as soon as I go anywhere, my eyes light up. I feel most alive when I'm on the road.

So as much as this has been one of the best situations for me right now, it isn't IT! I hear my soul calling me beneath all the hustle and bustle we humans call life. My life is calling me away from the MAZE and the chatter of a life where everyone moves in deep grooves, but no one knows where they are going.

I have to stay in touch with my spirit to make it through. Without that connection, I'd be so lost. I'm currently in a vision circle with other drummers and shaman practitioners. This group is so important to me. It reminds me of how we are all connected and how in CIRCLES, where we gather to meet with LIVE humans, we create so much energy. These circles sustain the web of life. My spirit has been whispering to me to hold steady for a little bit. It has told me that I'm on the path, even though it may seem like a detour. Even more than a detour, it feels like I've been walking in place. But then I'm reminded of the saying, "Wherever you go, there you are." We are travelers everyday within circles. We don't need to, necessarily, go anywhere GRAND, if we have a deep connection to our spirits. But going somewhere new and inspiring does spark the spirit within. At least it does for me.

My boyfriend, who is also my business partner in a new business we launched in November called Seattle Psychic Institute, reminds me that I am, in fact, journeying. I've been going on MAJOR journeys on the inside. In fact, the inside work I'm doing is so BIG that it does require a place to rest my head for awhile. So this home serves as that place while I make these inner journeys. I am an author,  psychic reader, channeler and intuitive writing teacher. I feel most at home in this work, but it's not necessarily the work that pays the bills.....yet. It WILL be though and I will find my place again. I am definitely in a gathering phase. Lately, I've been able to channel a friend of Scott's who I also knew who died a few years ago. There are such important messages coming through that he has asked that I record them, so I feel I will do that and perhaps transcribe them here or on another blog. It is such important information for us Earthlings!

Back to the present, where all things exist all at once and all things are able to manifest—blanket of snow! We are currently under a blanket of snow

in Seattle and I feel I'd like to disappear into my den-like room for the rest of the winter, only to raise my head to write, do psychic readings and meet in my spiritual CIRCLES. I feel a pull to go deep within.

Today, I walked for three hours in the snow. I looked down at the white and it almost burned my eyes, it was so bright and blank and full of possibilities. The silence grabbed me and said, "You asked for this!" In psychic circles, sometimes we call it "mocking up." I see a picture in my mind's eye and it is so clear that it comes to be right in front of me. There is so much certainty around it. Lately, so many dreams and things I've seen in my mind have happened. I'm starting to realize that the veil between what we believe and see on the inside is not too different from what each of us is seeing on the outside. How we think about things, what we believe, what we imagine and tell ourselves is so important.

A few days ago, I walked in the snow with a friend. My boyfriend had given me gold sun & moon earrings for Christmas. I adored them. When I came back home, the SUN was gone. How fitting that it had DISAPPEARED. After all, everything that required light to grow had become dormant under a blanket of snow. I clenched the moon tightly in my fist. I didn't want to accept that the sun was gone. The next day I retraced my steps. I searched and searched for my sun. When I got home, a voice inside said, "You will find it as soon as you let it go!" And I was certain I'd find it outside. I went to my Tuesday Night Psychic Reading Clinic. I debated going because the weather had been so unpredictable and I worried about the roads. My boyfriend picked me up and drove me. Two women, mother and daughter, came to our clinic that night. I saw that they were stuck in a pattern that had been passed down through a long lineage of women. They were moving in a particular CIRCLE that was not benefitting anyone. To the break the pattern, both of them needed to let go and do something different. I felt a bright light enter the room during those psychic readings. The room, that had felt a bit dark and heavy in the beginning, became light and soft during our closing meditation.

My boyfriend drove effortlessly through the streets of Seattle on the way home. It was easy getting home and I didn't see any ice the road. I said, "Good night" and gave him a kiss and then walked up the steps to the house where I live. There, on the doormat, in a little patch of snow under the bright outdoor light, was my SUN, glowing in GOLD. I said, "Oh...wow!" It was exactly how I had imagined I'd find it, but I had let that image go completely. I wasn't thinking about it at all when I found it, but I did have certainty that eventually I would.

Sometimes these images come through loud and clear and sometimes they are a little more cloudy. I am afraid to trust myself fully in this, even though time and time again, my intuition has been crystal CLEAR. When I don't second guess myself, I know what I must do. Nothing shows up clearer in this area than when I do psychic readings and channel. I'm able to relay information to people that has deep meaning for them. And I can do this for myself too.

I want to own this more. I don't want to be afraid of what others might think. I know I have these abilities and I want to be able to say that I do without feeling like others might think I'm nuts. I think one of my biggest patterns I'm letting go of in this life is worrying about what others might think of me. I grew up in a family that pretty much only believed what was tangible. It was "I'll believe it when I see it." I operate in the opposite way. My way of operating is, "I see it (inside first) and then I believe it." This is such a different way of moving in the world, but it's the way I move. I want to accept it.

I think I DISAPPEARED from here because I was afraid that I had failed in some way. I was angry at myself for not fully taking flight, but now I see that my inside is gaining energy—BIG ENERGY—for the next voyage. This voyage comes from the inside out. I am letting the inside guide me first. And I'm not going to be too concerned with how it looks like to everyone else, but more if it feels right to me.

And so I see, nothing disappears really. It's all recycled and fed back into this web of life, in which all of us Earthlings and all other life forms are living.

Cycles, seasons, circles—call them what you want. Life is moving. Inside that green shoot, covered by snow now, is energy that is FLOWING and building up so that we can all enjoy and witness a unique flower in the spring. EACH one different, but equally beautiful.

Have you ever felt like you disappeared or wanted to disappear, only to show up again in full bloom? What were the circumstances around this?

Maui Musings Day 8: Tuning into the Sacred Land

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I write you from inside a geodesic dome below Haleakala, fire chakra of the planet. I'm on Maui on my girlfriend's property. I'm here to tune in, be mindful, take care of the animals and plants, take care of myself, and immerse myself in ALOHA. Right now, outside, I hear the sound of crickets and cows mooing in the distance. I'm far from the tourists. There are no neighbors or other people I can see from where I am and soon I will be completely alone here. What am I doing here, you ask? I do not really know, but I keep getting called back to these islands again and again and again. The land here calls for me to slow down and tune in. Every morning I wake to a symphony of birds. I usually make myself a cup of tea and lemon water from lemons that grow on the property. They are sweet and almost have a taste like oranges. Then, I usually sit in bed a little while longer, looking out the dome windows onto the property. I like to walk the labyrinth at the top of the property everyday. It's an act of mindfulness for me. I walk and feel each step touch the earth. When I face Haleakala, I hold my hands to my chest and bow in respect to this sacred volcano. At the bench, in the center of the labyrinth, I pick up the pink quartz crystal the size of my hand and feel it's smooth and cool surface. I hold it in my lap and just feel the energy. I then move the crystal to my heart and hold it there and sometimes I move it to my head. I often feel like kissing and blessing this crystal before I lay it back down. I then continue on the labyrinth path, winding my way out.

It's hard "to do" here because I mostly feel like "being" and just tuning in. I let my body move naturally in the way it wants to. I see what calls to me. I am open. I am here to receive. My girlfriend and I usually go into town in the morning. Sometimes we go to the beach or a yoga class or we get a bite to eat. I have so enjoyed her company and I have enjoyed eating meals with her, her husband and pups. They will leave soon and I will be here to tend to the place alone, except for the dogs, chickens, and the occasional worker who comes onto the property for a short time to do some maintenance or cleaning.

I have been called here. I have been called to take time off to write, get healthy, and to really hear what my heart wants. I know it's about tuning in without distractions. There's a part of me that is afraid of that and there is a bigger part that knows I need it.

The weather changes all the time, especially here at the foot of Haleakala. Sometimes it feels like a dark massive rain cloud might just suck me up and in the next moment, I'm basking in the sun.

When I first arrived here, I got really sick. I had a migraine, my face felt numb, I had pain in my tooth and I felt like vomiting. It took everything in my power not to vomit. I was consumed by pain. I had just arrived and I felt I might have to go to the emergency room. My girlfriend gave me a ice pack for my head and left me in my dome to rest for the night. In the morning, I awoke feeling like a new person. I call that my "initiation." After all, I was coming from the city and from the airplane. People were coughing and sneezing on the plane. The cramped space was full of trapped air that we were all breathing. My body went through a massive reaction when I arrived at this pristine place where avocados, lemons, oranges and bananas hang in abundance from trees.

In order to match the energy here, I had to detox and release all that I came with. And I'm still detoxing and releasing. I'm still healing here.

I'm healing the last two something years. I'm becoming a new person and I'm letting go of ALOT.

When you think nothing is happening and nothing is changing or shifting, look again. Look at what is happening in the world. It may seem chaotic, but it has to happen. Instead of getting anxious or nervous or scared, just sit for a moment. Tune in and be with that energy for awhile, even the chaotic or painful energy. Let it wash over you. Give it back to the earth to be recycled or reconfigured.

Something wants to grow here. Something wants to shift. I'm feeling that. The earth is a great teacher and perhaps our greatest teacher right now. I want to be quiet and take it all in. I feel blessed for that opportunity.