Healing for the Earth, Day 30: Life, Death and Waking Up To This Moment Right Here and Now

Dear fellow Earthlings,

Day 30 is here and so is River with thoughts about life and death and the precious moments we have right here, right now in front of us. I'm so pleased to have River, the facilitator of my shaman circle, here to share her beautiful words with us all. I will be back tomorrow with final words of how this month of blogging was for me, but now, here's River....

Earlier today, a man came and took Dad’s car away. Moments after reading Mae’s story, I was still close to tears. So, perhaps it wasn’t surprising that as I watched it go I had a flash of remembering the ambulance that took Dad’s body away a year ago. I welcome the tears for the second time today, sitting on the front steps in the warm spring light, the smell of Daphne and Magnolia scenting the air. I miss him. I’ll never stop missing him.

There’s no doubt that the love is still here. Pure and strong. His face is so clear and close. I’m grateful for the old photo of him I found in the garage a few days ago. Just like I remember him; steering the boat, an old outboard. He’s brown as a berry, smiling, relaxed, free. He used to take me out of school this time of year if it was sunny out, so we could get out on the water. Lots of times it was just me and Dad.

Now, I’m walking in my neighborhood. Its a beautiful spring day and flowers are blooming everywhere. The air is fresher than its been in a long time and there are so few cars on the road its a pleasure to walk down the middle. I grew up in small towns and developed my love of walking down the middle of the road honestly.

It’s as if the neighborhood is waking up to itself. There are people out in front yards doing all kinds of things. Gardening, cleaning out garages, working on cars. Off work and tired of being cooped up and isolated, people are smiling at one another and starting up conversations with neighbors they’ve previously barely glimpsed. From a safe social distance of course. And now I’m discovering my neighborhood as it discovers itself. When I discover a park at the end of the road, with wetlands, dirt trails and a beaver dam, I feel like I’ve won the lottery.

Even though I’m enjoying the astonishing gift of today, I’m also walking along thinking about death. Sometimes, when I think about dying, its scary. Maybe its because I don’t know what it will be like for me. I know that even if I could hear every story that ever was, I still wouldn’t know. I’m hoping for an experience something like Mae’s experience with her friend Robin. I hope I’ll be smiling and with someone who loves me. I wish that for everyone. I send out a silent prayer, as I often do, when I remember those who are dying of the virus at this very moment. May Divine Mother hold each and every one.

As I walk, I'm thinking and feeling into it all, right here in the middle of what is usually a busy road. And I find another fear curled up inside my fear of death. The fear that I will fail. I love this World more than words can say. Its beauty feeds me, heart and soul. Its Aliveness is my aliveness. And Humanity, with our struggle to be born as a Global People, is heartbreaking and beautiful, and so in need of our collective compassion and support.

I need to be of service. Am I doing everything I’m suppose to do today? Am I missing chances to make a difference?

There is some Thing, holding me right this moment as I question my life and my purpose. Something beneath and all around me and its strong, solid and calm. It is Compassion for this need I have, this wanting to be worthy of my life and this Beauty. It holds me through the grief of having failed over and over again, and accepts me as I am right now, gently encouraging me to step into Life. What is this? Who is this? "Hu..."

The answer comes as birds singing and sky bluer than I’ve seen in years. A particular shade I’ve only seen here where I live and nowhere else. Warm sun and people puttering in their gardens, cleaning out garages, washing cars, planting flowers. Our neighborhood is getting more beautiful by the moment. I breathe a little deeper.

With Love, River

For over 10 years, River Ledgerwood has practiced as a Sufi Mystic and Shamanic Healer. She is a Reiki Practitioner level II, and Dervish Healing Order Healing Conductor with the Ruhaniat International Sufi Order. She co-teaches with Hank Wesselman at Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat and Conference Center and Mosswood Hollow in Duvall Washington.

Healing for the Earth, Day 10: Feeling Grateful

Hellooooooo out there fellow Earthlings!

How y'all doing on this big blue marble of ours? Let's keep it BLUE!

This is DAY 10. I'm a third of the way done, but this Healing for the Earth business is really helping me tune into the vibration of love and........

GRATITUDE!

Today I woke up late at like 11AM and ate mint Milanos for breakfast. Hey, I'm not perfect! There's no one checking in on me, so why not?

But then I thought, geez, it's gorgeous outside. I just want to get OUTSIDE.

Humans, like plants, can wither without enough natural sunlight, fresh air and clean water. Luckily there's lots of space out here and I was able to walk to the beach without bumping into hardly anyone.

On my walk, I talked to my mom on the phone who was in the process of creating face masks from her old bras, I kid you not. She needed to go to the doctor for a check up and didn't have a mask. We've gotta do what we've gotta do in times like these.

When I hung up with her, I smiled. I love my family. They are funny, nuts, generous and kind. They are probably like any family. You can't live with them, but you can't live without them either. Anyway, I'm grateful to have all of them in my life.

And I then thought about my lovely partner Scott. Wow, what a blessing to have such a sweet, kind, insightful, spiritual, FUNNY, loving man in my life. Blessed beyond words.

Then I started thinking about all my friends. Wow, so many friends that make me laugh or friends who have helped me in a time of need or friends who have encouraged me. I began to recall memories of many friends as I briskly walked to the beach in the sun.

Then I started to think about the sun, cherry blossoms, my comfortable shoes, the fact that I CAN WALK. So much gratitude. Have I taken it all for granted?

On the beach, I found that the medicine wheel Scott and I made three days ago was still there untouched. I stood in front of it with my shadow in the middle.

 As I stood there listening to the waves on the shore, an eagle flew over my head and landed in the pine tree behind me and began to sing. "I hear you!" I said to it. GRATITUDE for the eagle who came to visit too! Here's that eagle SINGING!

And then I walked back in the sunshine to the lovely home that my family is so graciously letting me stay at while they are in Arizona and I felt enormous gratitude.

And then I opened the fridge to find that it was full of food. FULL of FOOD. There is plenty to choose from. I have a choice. I can CHOOSE!

And then I had a 1 hour training to be a faculty tech support person at my college. It's a new job for me and I'll also be teaching. I don't consider myself a techie, but I'm willing to learn more. I have a job. I will have enough money.

Food √
Shelter √
Water √

Immense gratitude for having those three things covered. The rest is icing on the cake. Yes, things have changed. It's not like it used to be and everything is uncertain. But the truth is:

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN UNCERTAIN!

We think we have it all figured out and we know what will happen, but we don't. We have no idea what will happen in any given moment and these strange times are proof of that.

When I operate from a place of gratitude, I realize I have everything I need (more than I need in fact) in this moment and it helps me to then reach out and help others. I'm excited that I get to support my college in an area of need. I feel grateful for the opportunity to help. I am also grateful for the opportunity to do 30 days of healing for the Earth on this blog. It's connected me deeply to the Earth and so many like-minded people. It's been a powerful experience. And WOW am I ever grateful to MOTHER EARTH! Where would we be without her?

 Stay tuned for many guest speakers here. I'm not the only one who has something to share.

What are you grateful for?

The Lucky One

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I'm cut off from most social media out in Sequim. In fact, it's hard for me to get phone service where I am.

 I went into the city early on Wednesday for my class at the college and spent the night at a friend's in Greenwood. It was nice being in my old, familiar stomping grounds of Seattle, but the pace was also intense. Everything in the city has been created to make humans comfortable. I walk into Whole Foods and it's like walking into Las Vegas, only with food. In fact, I swear I heard some sort of electronic sound that seemed to mimic a winning on a slot machine.

The day after my class, the creature comforts were actually welcome. I didn't have much to do that day and I found myself browsing in East West Bookshop above Whole Foods. I walked around and looked at native jewelry and picked up tarot card decks and sat in the back with a book from the Used Book section of the store.

Then, I wandered back down to Whole Foods and drank a Kombucha and filled out a Valentine's Day Card for my boyfriend. He just got a new place in the city. Originally, the plan was for him to move to Sequim with me, but all his work is in the Seattle area, so it made more sense for him to be there. It's strange, we are in a relationship, but I hardly see him. I will see him tomorrow. I bought him a housewarming gift for his new place. It's good that he has a place in the city, because it makes it easier for me when I'm in town and need a place to stay.

Whenever I come back to Sequim, out here on the Peninsula of Washington State, everything slows way down. It's hard for me to move at a fast pace. I feel like there is a lot of healing going on here. I haven't written as much as I've wanted to. I feel I will write more, but I've been called to pay deep attention to each moment.

Today the sun outside pulled me towards The Spit and I walked way down the beach late in the afternoon. The waves were calm and the tide was out. It was pleasant and warm. My heart loves the ocean. It comes alive there. I like looking at the vastness of it. It's like looking at emptiness.

I took a stick I found on the beach and began to draw words in the sand: book, house, love. After I wrote these words, I enjoyed watching the gentle waves roll up on to the beach and erase them. Just like that they were gone, out to sea.

And I feel like the lucky one to have this time. Somehow in this life I'm living I have created time for inner work. It's so valuable to me. In fact, it's the most important work I'm doing. It's very subtle. Sometimes it feels I'm doing nothing at all and wasting time, but when I slow down, I can actually feel so much happening on the inside.

I move as slow as the animals move out here. Did you know that when you slow down and feel each movement, wild animals will come very close? You are moving at their speed. They can sense your gentleness. You are speaking their language.

I want to speak the language of the Earth.

I'm in a comfortable house out here that protects me from the outside. Today I received a text from a friend who I hadn't heard from in a very long time. He didn't write any words, he just sent me a link to Alison Krauss's song "The Lucky One." And when I listen to the words, I can really feel that this is my life.

You're the lucky one so I've been told
As free as the wind blowing down the road
Loved by many, hated by none
I'd say you are lucky 'cause 
You know what you've done
Not a care in the world, not a worry in sight
Everything is gonna be alright 'cause 
You're the lucky one....

It's not that life is easy or without problems. There are problems. The world can be fierce and crazy sometimes and, like the waves out on The Spit which can take everything in their wake, it can toss and turn us and leave us flat on our asses, pardon my French.

But deep under that ocean is a calm. It's available at any time. All the dramas in the world are the waves. They just keep coming.

Instead of letting these dramas, or waves, get stuck in me, I'm experimenting with letting them wash over me and not suck me out to sea.

I want to ride the waves, not fight them.

I'm working with boundaries and what feels right to me in any given moment and I'm not afraid anymore of the uncomfortableness that it creates to speak my truth.

I stepped out onto the deck of the house at around 10pm because I heard coyotes howling. I was barefoot and the cold against my skin woke me up. Is it a full moon? I wondered. I saw the big dipper, it was straight up and down so that the dipper was pointing towards the earth as if it were pouring its sparkly brilliance onto the green grass of the golf course. I then walked out the front door in search of the moon. No moon. All was quiet in the small suburb where I am staying. There were lights shining from windows in all the little houses and I imagined people were snug and warm inside. How lucky we all are to have food, shelter, hot water, etc. Most of us have the essentials and the rest is icing on the cake.

We are not here to own and fight and worry and fear. We are passing through this place to love and to  learn lessons and then we will return to that great big ocean that we came from, all of us drops of it.

We are the lucky ones to be here and have this opportunity to be alive.

We are the lucky ones...

Maui Musings Day 45: A Message for our Planet

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

I have been living out here below Haleakala, fire chakra of the planet, for 45 days. Yes, I can't believe it, but it has been THAT long! The messages that have come through the land are so very powerful. I can't even begin to put them into words, but I will do my best. If you are here reading this now, know that there is a reason. You are here to raise the vibration of the planet. You are here to live your life at the highest possible frequency of LOVE. So many people talk about it, but there is a reason why. It is true.

I get that you may be saying, "Don't give me any of that new-age bullshit. The world is going to hell in a hand basket and there's nothing we can do about it. People are dying and our government is messed up, so go screw yourself."

Okay, okay well, you can stop reading if you want and just live there, in that state. It's up to you. I've been there. I have lived in that state of "hell on earth" where negativity was my best friend.  It was exhausting. It was like I was fighting to keep the negativity alive. It was like swimming up stream. I've lived in intense anger and pain. I've felt deep sorrow and outrage with what is happening in the world. Trust me, when someone you love is suddenly gone, you don't feel like kissing people and opening your heart. You feel OUTRAGE. This is a completely normal response. You'd be nuts if you DIDN'T feel this. When my husband walked out on me, I felt like I'd been shot in the chest. I felt unbearable anger which was really just a mask for deep, deep pain.

Right now you may feel that the world is in a state of chaos. We have shootings, we are at odds politically and spiritually with one another, there are wars, relationships are falling apart, there is darkness, death, disease, ill will. The instant access to Facebook and mass media and all the news can make us feel depressed, hopeless, useless, worried, fearful or lost.

This is all happening for a reason.

The ways in which we have existed up until now no longer serve us or the planet. 

In our human minds, it may seem impossible to wrap our heads around the solution, but the solution is right here. It has always been RIGHT HERE!

"Right where?" I hear you saying,  "I'm sitting here and I see/feel NOTHING good."

Are you breathing? Do you have food? Do you have shelter? Do you have a pet, a friend, family or a significant other? Do you have a toilet and a shower? Well, that's a start. That's all good.

Did you know that what you do RIGHT NOW, even if it seems insignificant, has tremendous power. You are an energetic being. The energy you give and receive creates your reality. What reality are you living in right now? Is it the life you want for yourself and all beings? 

If your world is covered in a state of despair, anger or hate, know that love is always there below the surface. Having the intention of tapping into that love is enough. You don't have to feel it. Just have the intention that you want to tap into it.

I could not feel any love at all when my husband left. I felt extreme pain. The pain was so intense that I had trouble breathing. Yes, you can die from a broken heart. What saved me? It was my intention to heal. THAT is it. I was completely committed to healing. I believed love was possible. I made a promise to love myself deeply. I made a promise to myself to feel everything I was feeling. I believed in love and I believed, beneath all the surface chaos, love was there.

Sometimes we have to go through states of deep negativity and despair in order to see that love. I feel like this is a shedding of the old. We are are healing in order to shift into the new. Are you open to healing and letting go of old patterns? Are you open to feeling love?

I'm living out here in the land of ALOHA. The Hawaiians and the people here believe in the power of love. It is how they live. They live aloha and even BREATHE aloha. I have learned so much from this. 

Being out here in the middle of the ocean on islands that are farthest from any land mass in a place that bases everything on this ALOHA energy is pretty transformative. 

The land SPEAKS here. The people are part of the land. 

Actually, the earth speaks everywhere, but it REALLY speaks here. 

When I walk the grounds here everyday, I automatically place my hand over my heart. I keep feeling my heart open. The love is so strong that it makes me touch this area. Whatever I am doing, the land keeps calling me to listen and love. Whenever fear crops up, I'm called again and again to lay that fear down and let love in.

Yesterday, after I dropped my boyfriend off at the airport for his flight back to Seattle, I felt a pull to get in the ocean. I drove to a beach near the airport and immediately found myself swimming with turtles. Their energy was so ancient, yet gentle. And when I put my head under the ocean, I could hear the call of humpback whales. 

I couldn't understand this language, but my heart understood it. My heart understands. So I have decided not to lead with my head anymore. I am being guided by my heart. This is the part that is opening. This is the new world we are entering.

I see a world that is lead by the passion of our hearts, not the will of our minds. I keep hearing that everything is as it is meant to be. There is nothing to do but follow our hearts deeply. If we deny our hearts and forget to listen to them, we will suffer greatly. If we get too caught up in what is going on OUTSIDE of our own beings, if we leave our heart space and get caught up in trying to solve everything "out there," we will be lost.

The heart is our compass. It knows the way and has ALWAYS known the way. Let go and listen. This is what I keep getting. LET GO. If every single one of us is tuned in and following what the heart wants, imagine the world we'd have! 

Don't fall into despair, keep opening up your heart. Open it all the way. Cry, laugh, scream, feel. Let it out! And when you think it's as opened as it can go, open it a little more! Love yourself very deeply in this process. It's a very deep opening. All of us are in it whether we choose to be or not. All of us are moving towards this love.

John Lennon, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Mother Theresa and so many others lived from this love and followed deeply what their hearts called for them to do. Were they too idealistic? I believe they are no different from you or me. No different. The only difference is that they put full faith in their hearts. They were called to do something that might have seemed illogical to the rest of the world, and they did it. THAT IS THE ONLY DIFFERENCE.

So what is the message for our planet and for our lives on earth? Here's the message I get from listening for 45 days:

"Go into your heart, listen to what it calls you to do. Let go of all the other voices that mix you up or move you away from being in this space. Let go of what others might say or how you might look. If it is coming from a place of the heart, it will always be right. When you operate from your heart space, you connect with all other heart spaces. This force of love is so strong that it changes the appearance of water molecules and it will certainly shift our planet. This earth, which has sustained us all of our lives, is speaking to us every moment. It speaks the language of love. Move through the pain and unpleasantness. Sit with it. Be with it. Underneath it all is an enormous wellspring of love."

 From where I sit now, I see this clearly. I hear that it will be okay. You will be okay. We are on the path, all of us. Keep going. I promise you, love is there.

Maui Musings Day 9: The Last Day on Earth

Dear fellow Earthlings,

If this were your last day in this current incarnation on the planet, what would you do? How would you feel to know you only have a day left to live? Have you been living each day as if it were your last? Have you been appreciating your life? Is there something that needs to change?

It seemed like just another day on Maui. I awoke, once again, to the sound of birds singing together in a grand symphony as the sun rose over the ocean casting a pink and red glow across the horizon.

I rubbed my eyes and thought about my boyfriend. I've been away from him for about a week and I still have another 25 days or so to go until I see him. I posted a video of us  and a few photos of the last few days in Maui on Facebook. Then I sat there in complete gratitude in my bed, in my dome with nature surrounding me.

And then this happened:

It flashed across my screen in an instant. It read:

Emergency Alert:
BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Holy shit! This was not a joke. In that moment, everything stopped and I froze. And then thoughts started to flood back in. I thought, How long is it going to take the missile to reach Hawaii? and What am I going to do with the short time I have left?

I went over to the owner's main house and talked to them about it and my friend's husband was pretty confident that it was not going to happen. Still, those words on my phone and everyone's phone were clear and we had not received another message yet to let us know that it was not going to happen, so I had to treat it like it was true.

Up on the mountain, we are fully exposed. There is no shelter. At least no shelter underground. If we were going out, we'd surely go out with a bang. I paced the property and then decided to FaceTime my boyfriend. He was shocked to hear the news, but he also did not believe it would happen and reassured me that when he looked at it psychically, all looked well. And, he was angry that this message had gone out to the entire population of Hawaii, scaring the pants off so many people. He made me feel calm and reassured and it felt good to talk to him and see his face.

The next thing I did was find the most succulent piece of tropical fruit I could eat. In this case, it was a tangerine that had grown on the property. I wanted to get a taste of this good earth in me, if I was going to leave it.

I sat on a patch of grass near the Plumeria tree and felt the pulp of the tangerine squirt in my mouth. I sucked the juices in like sweet nectar. I appreciated each bite. As I was eating this fruit and talking to my boyfriend, I felt a deep sense of love and gratitude for my life. I felt my guides all around me. One of my guides is Pele, goddess of volcanoes. I felt her power to repel any negative forces affecting these sacred islands, even missiles.

All of these things calmed me down and allowed me to sit in the beauty of nature with confidence.

 If I were to leave the planet today, I know I can say that I had a wonderful life with lots of love, adventure, happiness, fun and joy. I can also say that I am so appreciative of my family and each person who has crossed my path.

I felt happy that I could honestly say that at this point in my life. And once I felt this, I knew I would be okay. I know that I have a divine purpose on this planet. I know that it involves writing and sharing my journey with others. I can feel a book in me. I know it is bubbling deep down at the core of my being. I know it wants to be born and I feel much of it will get written on this trip, especially now that the ballistic missile was a false alarm. It is strange how a threat like that puts all things into perspective.

Even though I was completely shaking in my slippahs when that message flashed across my screen, a deeper part of me said, "Feel the love (aloha) around you. Tune in to THAT!" It was a very good lesson. I could be afraid, but I could still feel love and gratitude for my life. We don't like to think about our last day on earth being near, but it is a good thing to ponder. Personally, I believe that we come back again in one form or another. We are here to learn as much as we can and live out our divine purpose. Life presents us with lessons and challenges, but ultimately I feel we all go back to the same source we came from. We all go back to the same light and each one of us are sparks of that great light. Knowing this, I feel calm. No matter what happens, we return to the same place.

Sometimes I  wonder what my life is for. I can't know the complete path. None of us can. Yet, often times, I feel I'm being guided. My intuition tells me strongly, "Do THIS!" Coming to Maui was one of those things. I was determined to make it happen because I felt deeply drawn to immerse myself in this land. I felt deep healing would happen. I felt my spirit call me back to these islands for a reason.
If this were my last day on earth, I can honestly say that I followed my heart here. I can also say that I feel gratitude for everything in my life, even the challenging, unpleasant parts. Those parts got me here. What a blessing!

What would you do if it were your last day on earth? Is there anything you would change right now if you knew that your days were numbered?

Divine Earthly Experience 10: Gratitude for Being Okay

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."—Melody Beattie 

Hello Fellow Earthlings,

How are you? Well, you must be okay. After all, you are here reading this blog post. I assume you have food, shelter, friends and family. You have a computer or an iPhone on which you are able to read this post. Being okay is certainly something to be grateful for. I sure am. Here's what I wrote on that subject over the past weekend:

As I sit here at the end of Memorial Day Weekend at my family’s lake house in Washington State, I realize I’m okay. Not just okay, really good. If you would have asked me if I’d be okay a year and nine months ago, I would have told you, “Absolutely not!” 

At around eight in the morning, my boyfriend got up, made me a smoothie, kissed my cheek and left. I was still lying lazily in bed, reflecting on the dinners, talks, walks and boat rides my boyfriend Scott, I and another couple all shared. Now, the silence was stifling. The house, once filled with laughter and cooking and snacking and drinks and trips up and down the stairs to fetch bathing suits and suntan lotion, was dead silent save for the hum of the refrigerator and a few bird calls in the distance. I lay there on the bed unable to move. What would I do with my time? The space between community and solitude is always the scariest for me. I have difficulty with that transition. It reminds me of when my husband suddenly left my home for good after sharing a bed with me for the almost 13 years of our marriage. Would I ever see my boyfriend and friends again? Of course I knew I would, but for a few moments I wasn’t sure. After all, who would have thought I’d never sleep with my husband again? Days before he left, we were laughing and humming and picking blackberries that we’d later mix up into delicious muffins. Nothing in life is certain, even the things you think surely are.

Within 10 minutes, I was up, pulling my shorts and t-shirt on and lacing up my Tevas readying myself for a 2-mile walk around the lake. The sun won against the clouds and soon I found myself pulling off my cardigan. I watched yellow finches and swallows swoop between pine branches and two bald eagles rode the thermals high above my head. On my left, where the trees had been clear-cut, I saw volunteer daisies in full bloom. It reminded me of how my own life had been clear-cut. After my husband walked out of my life, the familiar scenery of our lives together had become a wasteland. A bulldozer might as well have just plowed right over our lives while we were having dinner, taking everything with it, because that’s how it felt at the time.

But now, I can say, I’m okay. In fact, I feel so much gratitude. How lucky I am, actually, to have witnessed such tremendous sorrow. I’m not sure I could have felt this at peace and content had I not walked through a very dark valley of pain. When things were going my way and the wind was at my back, I thought life would always be that way. I even took it for granted, not realizing how much I had. But now, walking over the clear-cut of my own life, I stopped to stare at fresh shoots and new blooms, sure signs of new beginnings. I felt happy and content to have this moment to myself to feel this gratitude. 

I still don’t know where I’m going. I’m not so sure of the future anymore. I don’t have a grand plan and perhaps I’m still floating on a vast ocean with no markers. I feel like a huge clump of clay yet to be molded. But I’m okay. I’m good even.

I have this moment. Here in the silence of the dining room, looking out on the early evening light reflecting like shimmering crystals across the lake, while pine tree branches wave like outstretched arms waiting for a hug, I’m happy. Yes, I’m happy. I rest my hand on my cheek, the one my boyfriend kissed this morning. I never thought I’d have a boyfriend again. I thought I’d be married until “death do us part”. You just don’t think about those things. Especially when everything appears to be going along swimmingly. I’m grateful for this man who showed up in my life about six months after my husband left. He’s been loving and kind and gentle and patient. He’s showered me with all the love I had so missed in my marriage. I had somehow convinced myself that all marriages experience a time when affection wanes or even stops all together. That was just how it was. I didn’t know that what I was experiencing in my own marriage was simply not okay. I didn’t know how good it could be. I haven’t witnessed a love like I have now. Maybe it’s not my lover who has allowed me to feel this way, maybe it’s me.

Perhaps I’m ready. Ready to stand up for what I want and need. Ready to be completely loved without holding back. Ready to be full of each moment. Ready to step away from the din of others telling me how it should be and to be grateful for what is.

What is okay in your life? What simple things are you grateful for?