Healing for the Earth, Day 22: Feeling Overwhelmed

"If a boat is whelmed it means that the waves are coming right up to the gunwales, the tiptop of the sides of the boat, and some water is coming into the boat."—Kate Gregory

Today I felt overwhelmed. I felt I was swimming in deep water and there was nothing to hold onto. I felt like I was way over my head and out of my comfort zone. It was a feeling of fullness, like I might explode.

After a Zoom meeting with 51 of my colleagues, I felt I had to get outside. It was a good meeting, but it reminded me of how much I still have to do to start the quarter. Have you ever felt so full of information and new things that you don't even know what to do next?

I feel that this is not only happening on the surface, but on a deep cellular level as well. My cells are literally full. I'm stretched to the max, yet I'm in a relaxing environment out in the countryside.

On the way to the beach this evening, I felt clammy and shaky. I had trouble focusing. It was an effort to put one foot in front of the other. I thought I'm kinda done with all of this. I want to go back to normal now.

But what the hell is normal? I think we've surpassed that now. We are pioneers in a new frontier. We've got to get our bearings and find a place to lay new stakes down. I so want to lay new stakes down.

I haven't had a home of my own in nearly two years! Can you believe that? When my house sold in Seattle, I got rid of most of my possessions and went first to pet sit in Port Townsend and then Seattle and then Richmond Beach. Eventually I settled for awhile in a colleague's basement apartment in Seattle for about a year and then, once again, I uprooted myself and moved out to Sequim to my parents' house. They are snowbirds and went to Arizona for the winter and are still there due to the virus.

It's interesting what happens to a person when they are faced with a life threatening, end-of-the-world scenario, like a pandemic. It forces a person to really evaluate his or her life and discover what is important.

I realized I want to be rooted with a home of my own and the interesting thing is that that just might happen. I might end up where I started when I left my home two years ago. I'm coming full circle. But instead of taking care of pets, I had a dream that I owned a cat and lived with my boyfriend. It was our little family, the three of us.

I've been with my boyfriend for four years and two months. We are going on five years together. I really can't believe that. I think I'm ready to land. It doesn't mean I will not still be the adventurer. I will always be that person. But I really want to land. And I want to land here, on the Peninsula, with the eagles, hawks, deer, bike trails, mountains, hiking trails. And with my boyfriend and a cat and a community! A small community of like-minded souls.

There. I said it! Phew!

Out on Jamestown Beach, the full moon shone brightly and the birds were eating shellfish and the sun was setting. The white mountains stuck out like majestic guardian angels. I threw a stone into the water and made a wish. Three wishes actually.

I feel overwhelmed with all that there is to do and all that is new. But I'll get through it. I know I will. And I'll learn something from going through it. It just feels a bit wavy out there and unsettled and it makes me want to root down.

I also feel overwhelmed with all the blessings in my life. I have shelter, family, a great boyfriend, nature all around me, an excellent job with great benefits, food in the refrigerator, friends, community. So many blessings.


Things will never be the same. We are all on a different trajectory. That can cause anxiety and make a person feel overwhelmed. I had a plan to do a couple hours of online work for my class tonight, but truthfully, I need to just go inward and nurture this fullness I'm feeling.


I find, when I'm like this, an epsom salt bath and hot tea really ground me and allow me to release some of this energy.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, take it easy. Give yourself a HUGE break for not having it all together. This is new territory for all of us and it's going to take some adjusting. I'm trying to be super forgiving to myself and super loving. Not always easy to do, but I usually feel much better when I do it.

Much love to you all out there. Tomorrow is full moon in Libra. Time to find some BALANCE in this topsy-turvy time. Be gentle with yourself right now.