Wow! So much to think about as our Earth and lives go through this transition. My dear friend Mae Esteban, a hospice nurse, is here to tell us a powerful story of embracing transitions, including death, with grace.
When my dear friend and fellow Earth Sister Katherine asked me if I would be interested in writing for her blog, part of me jumped at the opportunity yet a part of me felt like, “What would I have to say that hasn't already been said?” I hesitated but then had a dream. Something was forming in my heart that wanted to be said.....
I have many roles but one of the more prominent ones is my role as a hospice nurse. I work for a healthcare system in the greater Seattle area. Like everyone else, I am learning new ways of being in my different roles during this time of COVID-19. And despite the presence of the novel coronavirus, I still see my patients at their homes, wherever they may live, and help them during their end-of-life journeys. Some journeys are only a few hours while some can take several months. I have many stories that I could share but today I want to share the story of one particular person.
I recently had a patient whom I've had the honor and privilege to care for pass away. I cannot tell you details as it would otherwise be a HIPAA violation and because of this, I will call my patient Robin. I met Robin weekly for several months. Robin was alert, oriented, ambulatory, and always, ALWAYS, had a smile for me. Not all my patients are like Robin. Many of them are bedridden and confused. I say this without any judgment as everyone's story is different. However, because Robin was the way Robin was, I got to know their personality quite well. I got to know not only Robin but also their spouse. Sometimes our visits felt more like social calls. We shared opinions of local restaurants. We talked politics. I made them laugh with the story of how my kids and I ate a whole Costco-sized red velvet cake on Valentine's Day, and they encouraged me to do it again! One of my favorite memories was when they shared with me the story of how they met more than 30 years ago. We all knew that if we had met under different circumstances, we would have been dear friends rather than patient-patient's spouse-and-nurse.
If it wasn't for the increasing pain and lethargy, one might have doubted that Robin had a life-ending disease. But I knew, and Robin knew. It was for this reason that Robin, with the support of their spouse, had sought to exercise their right to use the Death with Dignity Act. (Here in the state of Washington, individuals can choose to end their life. There are many requirements and the individual needs to have met with two physicians.) Robin's pain had been escalating and every time we increased their pain medications, Robin would be comfortable for only a few days before their body rebelled and even more pain medication was required. Because of the public health's need to flatten the curve, our hospice program could no longer utilize some of the alternative or complimentary therapies we frequently used such as reiki or music thantology.
After a horrible night which including the medics being called to lift Robin off the floor after a fall, Robin had decided it was time to take the medicine that would end their life. Robin's spouse called me that morning and so I drove over. I got all geared up in my car with my gloves, goggles, and mask, hating every second of it. Not only was it uncomfortable, but I hated the barriers it would create during our final moments together. Yet as much as I hated it, I also knew that I had a responsibility to the general public. I donned the PPE (personal protective equipment) that I was blessed to have and got out of my car. While the outside world dealt with the COVID-19 crisis, I entered Robin's home and the sanctuary that was their bedroom, staying aware of the present moment, realizing this gift of a final good-bye.
Robin had not yet taken the life-ending medicine but was planning to do so soon. They laid in bed wearing their nasal cannula that provided supplemental oxygen and greeted me with a smile. My god, I loved that smile! I walked over and sat on a chair next to the bed. I knew that I was no longer following the 6-feet social distancing rule; but like my medical director likes to say, right now many things are a compromise. So while I was willing to wear the PPE, I was not willing to say good-bye from afar. At that moment, 6 feet may as well have been 6 miles.
It was just the two of us in the room, though Robin's spouse preemptively brought in a box of tissues. The tissue was more for Robin since I couldn't remove my googles to use one. (By the way, crying in goggles sucks.) I had asked Robin if they wanted me present when they took the medicine and in that unselfish Robin way, they replied, “Well, what do you want?” I told them it was THEIR journey and after a pause and a smile, Robin said, “It's ok,” signaling the preference for it to be just them and a few close family members. During our remaining time together and through the tears, we held hands and I thanked them for allowing me to share these last few months with them. I told them how throughout this journey, they had shown nothing but courage and grace. I could see that they were at peace with the decision to move on. Before I left, Robin said to me, “I don't know what's on the other side, but I do hope we see each other again.” These words will forever be etched on my heart.
Three hours later, I was notified that Robin had died.
So what does this story have to do with healing the Earth?
First, it's a reminder that death is a part of life. That the opposite of death is birth, not life. So to truly embrace life, one must be able to embrace death. Robin embraced life to the fullest. Robin enjoyed going outside in their garden and enjoyed good food. Their spouse always made Robin's favorite meals as they never knew when Robin's last meal would be. And just as they embraced life, Robin embraced death. There was no fear in the end. There was acceptance and with that came peace. So to help heal the Earth, we need to understand and accept that part of the Earth's cycle includes death.
Secondly, it's a reminder that the death of anything is always followed by transformation. This will be true for Robin's spouse as they integrate their loss and grief into their new way of being. This will be true for me as I fondly remember my many visits with Robin and the lessons learned from them. This will be true for all of us who are witnessing death first hand in so many levels - whether it's the end of a business or employment, or the end of a way of living we once knew, or the end of the life of someone close to us. If we are to help heal the earth, we have to choose to transform into a new way of being that is healthy for us all – all of mankind regardless of race, religion, age, gender, or sexual orientation; all of nature including plants, animals, bodies of water, and even the rocks; and mostly for our Mother Earth. This transformation has to occur to us as individuals and us as a collective society. So I ask you now, while the Earth is in the middle of a huge transformation, how will you respond? Will you be like Robin who accepted death and faced their transition with courage and grace? Robin, I don't know what's on the other side either, but I do hope to meet each transition I encounter with as much courage and grace as you did. I need to do so for myself, for my kids, for all future generations, and for Mother Earth.
So I ask you now, while Earth is in the middle of a huge transformation, how will you respond? Will you be like Robin who accepted death and faced their transition with courage and grace?
Robin, I don't know what's on the other side either, but I do hope to meet each transition I encounter with as much courage and grace as you did. I need to do so for myself, for my kids, for all future generations, and for Mother Earth.
Mae Esteban has been a registered nurse for 24 years with the last 8 in hospice. She is the single mother of two and is passionate about living life's adventures with them. She enjoys traveling and has been many places including the top of Mt Kilimanjaro. She loves learning about different spiritual traditions, religions, and philosophies and finding the beauty in each one. Other interests include reading, watching Marvel movies and DC tv, and taking photographs. Mae also wrote a beautiful piece on my other blog, Lessons from the Monk I Married, as part of 365 Inspirations that I wrote there. It's about the Wake Up Festival she attended. Here it is: http://lessonsfromthemonkimarried.blogspot.com/2013/08/365-inspirations-241-wake-up-festival.html
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