Seattle Girl on Cape Cod: Nothing to Fear

"Storms don't come teach us painful lessons rather they were meant to wash us clean."—Sharon L. Alder

 

Dear fellow Earthlings, 

So much is going on in the world and I have recently received a strong call to go off Facebook and get off social media. I don't watch news, I don't interact with what is going on in current events. I follow my intuition and my intuition told me to go 'offline.' The only thing I keep here is my blog. 

The Earth and the beings living upon the Earth are going through a massive transformation. The way we do things is changing. The old systems are crumbling and as this happens, my guides have let me know that SELF CARE is of UTMOST importance right now. Being very aware of how I spend my time and how I spend my energy is going to be important in the coming months. 

At night, I know I am doing work. I can't explain exactly. When I wake up, I usually can't remember much, but I know I am working on the astral plane for the good of others.

Sometimes this work is heavy and it leaves me feeling tired or overwhelmed and even lethargic on the physical plane. I get irritated easy and find there is no time for things anymore. It feels like there is so much to do in the material world, but I can't get a grasp on all of it.

This tells me that my mind is occupied with more things than I know. Perhaps my storage is full and I need to delete some files. 

I channel and get messages. I am an intuit and I do psychic readings for people. I have done this work for a long time. The veil between this world and the non-physical world is very thin and if you are tuned in, you are aware of how close it is.

Humans fear death, but life and death are really the same thing: one is physical and one is non-physical. The reason it is frightening is because we give so much value to the material world. If humans gave more value to the non-physical world, or the spirit/spiritual world, they would realize that there really is NOTHING to fear. 

Nature is the bridge between the physical and non-physical worlds. Nature has its own language that is not made of words. It speaks all the time and gives messages and signs and answers in every single moment that you tune yourself to her.

When you go out in nature, slow down.

Walk slow and witness each thing you see, hear, taste, touch and smell. Really sink in!

On Saturday, I woke up rather early. Scott wanted to sleep in because he had just returned from a ski trip to Vermont with the company he works for and was tired.

I got a strong feeling to get outside and head to Wing Island in Brewster, Cape Cod. It's a small, sandy island behind the Natural History Museum that is accessible by a boardwalk. I was the only car in the parking lot when I got there at 9am.

Nature responded to me immediately. Just near the parking lot was another trail I had not ventured down yet. I decided to explore it a little. As I walked through the morning sun, hundreds of birds with various calls sang their songs. It was so enchanting. Each one an integral part of Nature's choir. There were chickadees, red cardinals, blue jays, morning doves and birds I could not identify. 

I stood there letting the sun soak through me from head to toe and listened to this music.

I must have stood there for a good 10 minutes. I wanted to venture further, but snow and ice covered the trail further down and I had slightly re-sprained my ankle and was recovering again and didn't want to chance it. I walked back to the parking lot and headed to Wing Island.

I walked over a two-plank boardwalk through the marsh. Tall common reeds flanked my path. I felt a kind of ecstasy as I walked across the open marsh. Eventually the path opened to Cape Cod Bay at low tide. I walked far out on the sand flats. I stopped often and basked in the sun and let it fill me up, like drinking from a tall glass of clean water. It was a reminder to return to Nature for sustenance whenever I felt overwhelmed.

Fast forward 6 days and it's now March 12th. I started this post on March 6th. So much has happened in that short span of time. I got SUCKED into the physical plane and all the drama there. The condo where I live is in a battle with board members (seems appropriate since the rest of the world is in a battle too. It's like the macro and micro have lined up). Anyway, a certain board member insists on bulldozing over anyone who steps up or speaks up. I have had trouble with bullies in my life. I don't often stand up to them and over the past 6 days or so, I've decided to stand up. This has caused one of our condo members to become aggressive. There are several unit owners who have recognized and experienced that this is NOT good energy, so we've stood up together. I had a confrontation with that board member on Thursday that sucked all the energy right out of me. She was relentless. 

I'm kinda done with narcissists and bullies. We are in a world where I feel they are all rearing their heads and insisting on their ways, but the world is changing at an intense speed and there is no room for that kind of energy anymore. Anyway, I got a strong sign to get out of my condo for awhile and go on a STAY CATION. It's the end of my college quarter and I needed a quiet place to tune in, finish my work and just rest. 

I asked myself where I was meant to be and I got Eastham, on the lower Cape. This is my old stomping grounds. It's where I lived with Scott for 8 months when we first came to Cape Cod. I didn't have any friends here then nor a car. Although I desperately wanted a friend, I was able to tune in very deeply to nature and now I view that time as a sort of 'awakening' for myself on a deep level. The lower Cape is WILD. I'd often walk to First Encounter Beach and foxes would walk along side me. Once a coyote stood in the middle of the road. Hawks and osprey fly overhead and the birds are in abundance.

I rented a small cottage on Minister Pond. 

When I arrived to this oasis, there was a goodie bag on the table that read "Welcome back to Eastham Katherine!" It was like a warm hug. My entire body began to RELAX. I had stopped by the store and gotten food for the weekend. I had planned to stay here alone to get all my college work done, but Scott will come on Sunday to enjoy,

Right now the wind is HOWLING outside. It's Nature's way of clearing the air. When I drove out here on Friday at around 4, the sun was high in the sky and Tom Petty was playing on the radio singing "I'm FREE....FREE FALLING!" And I remembered that feeling again. I remembered that girl who likes to MOVE and flow and listen. The one who talks to red cardinals and every cat she sees and looks for crocuses and signs of spring. 

Yes, when I go inside, when I step back into Nature and pull myself away from the drama on the physical plane, I realize that it is all just WIND. Right now that wind is shaking the door in its frame. It sounds like someone is trying to open the door, but it is all just a bunch of AIR. If I can think of things in this way, I feel okay.

 I realize that while the wind seems fierce and relentless, there is always a calm after the storm and maybe that storm is necessary to shake things out of their stagnation. Maybe we all need a little shaking up! Maybe this storm is calling me to not run and hide, but to face what's in front of me, be it wind at my door or a menacing woman at my door. Maybe they are both the same and have just taken on a different forms?

Anyway, I've taken a break from my college grading to finish this post. I have to believe that it will all work out. That all things eventually do work out as they are supposed to. 

For now, I crave that quiet, introspective time alone. Here I am during a HUGE STORM out in the woods of Cape Cod alone and there's absolutely nothing to fear.

.

Healing for the Earth, Day 23: Sharing Your Gifts with Others and the Earth

Hello fellow Earthlings,

"My Teacher has told you how a word from her hand touched the darkness of my mind and I awoke to the gladness of life. I was dumb; now I speak. I owe this to the hands and hearts of others. Through their love I found my soul and God and happiness. Don’t you see what it means? We live by each other and for each other. Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much. Only love can break down the walls that stand between us and our happiness."—Helen Keller

Today is the full moon in Libra. Full moon is a time when you can really let go of what is not serving you or working for you anymore. It's time to shed identities or fears and stand up in who each one of us truly IS and share those gifts!

Today I met with 25 healers, seekers, meditators, shamans, body workers, psychics, and visionaries for a Healing the Earth Summit meeting that I called together on this full moon day. Wowza, was that powerful. So many beautiful Earthlings offering and sharing their gifts.

Many of us had different traditions, religions, ideas, paths, circles, but one thing we all shared is a desire to heal ourselves and the planet for the greater good of all beings.

Drumming was offered, meditations were offered, a poem, beautiful Sufi words, a Hawaiian oli (chant), quotes from wise people. All of it was a healing soup that we drank together even though we did not know everyone in the group. These were circles overlapping other circles. Tribes coming together in peace. We are stronger together. When we meet like this, we create such a powerful force in the world. It may seem like it is so small, just a drop. No, it's HUGE. It has ripple effects that go faaaarrrr beyond what we can see.

We are in isolation because of a global pandemic virus, but this isolation can't stop us from coming together and creating medicine together and offering our gifts to the Earth.

Today was a tough day for me with three intense meetings for my college. I felt like throwing in the towel. It all just felt too overwhelming. But after the Healing the Earth Summit meeting, I felt so much energy. I felt like I was being carried by something much greater than myself.

It was as if we were all in a canoe together and we were all paddling and we all were there because we had faith that coming together was not only good for each one of us, but good for the Earth and all beings on it as well.

After our meeting, I had a strong urge to take all of that good energy that was created and walk to Jamestown beach to watch the full moon in Libra rise. I knew it was rising at 7:35pm and there it was, a HUGE orange ball coming up over the mountains casting its bright light across the water. The energy of this pink full moon (as they call it in the spring) was so enormous. Have you ever looked right into the a super moon? It's like a womb. It looked like a fetus was curled up inside waiting to be born. I really feel like we are birthing a new planet right here and now. This is the time.

It's amazing what we can do when we come together. We need more coming together. More sharing of our amazing gifts with the Earth and all beings on it. Don't be afraid to stand up and share your gifts. Stand up and offer them without fear. The world needs you right now! If you are already doing that, I bow to you deeply. Thank you for your offerings. Thank you for being YOU!

Healing for the Earth, Day 18: Meditation for Anxiety by Guest Blogger Scott Walsh

My partner, Scott Walsh, is here to share his insights on meditation for anxiety which is really important, particularly in these uncertain times. I'm lucky to have a partner who I meditate with and share a business with. We both offer classes at Seattle Psychic Institute along with many other wonderful teachers. We are also in a shaman drum circle together. Having a partner who understands and gets the inner realm has been such an important support in my life. Here's Scott with a few words on meditation for anxiety. Sorry if the video gets cut off. I had to shorten it a bit, but you get the gist.

I thought I’d write something that would be helpful right now.  I know a lot of people are freaking out.

In the midst of fear, in the midst of overwhelm, there’s one thing that works.  It works because a saving grace of humanity is the ability to focus on only one thing at a time.

Take some time.  Find a space by yourself, a place where you can just BE.  What happens when you just STOP?  Notice your body.  Your heart beating, your breath.  What happens when you start thinking about all the uncertainty, all the what ifs?  Just try it.  Pretend you’re a scientist observing YOURSELF.  You’re both the scientist and the subject.  When you focus on things that are scary, what happens to your heart rate and your breathing?  For a minute, rather than being carried away by your thinking, your worrying, your wondering, just notice what the effects are in your body.

Now take some time and gently pull your awareness so that it rests only on what is happening right now to your body - what you’re hearing, feeling; the sound and sensation of your breath, the feeling of your weight in your chair if you are seated.  NOTICE your thoughts.  Try to OBSERVE them.  It’s easy to go from observing thoughts to becoming completely carried away by them.  That’s just the way it is.  Our thoughts are SO interesting.  If you find that five minutes have gone by and you’ve been thinking about one thing or another, one person or situation or another, then gently come back to being the scientist, the observer.

Don’t beat yourself up if your mind wanders.  Believe me, it’s part of the process.

Notice if it’s comfortable, uncomfortable, or extremely uncomfortable to stop and just observe yourself.  If it’s uncomfortable then, do you feel like doing something to escape?  And notice what things come to mind as escape routes.  It’s all really good information.  It’s REALLY HELPFUL if you can just notice that it feels uncomfortable to just BE, in the sense of observing what you’re feeling etc., and nevertheless you can just hang out with that anyway; hang out with that feeling of discomfort.  Notice it.  It can’t hurt you; not if you’re just WATCHING it.  Look at the discomfort up close, open the jaws and look at the sharp teeth.  Ask: where does this come from?  What voice inside of you is shouting/screaming/lecturing?  Who does it sound like and what is it saying?

This is called defusing the bomb.  “The bomb” is a metaphor for what is the scariest, most horrendous thing of all for most of us, and that is our own inner criticism, judgment, fears.

If you can learn to just sit and observe all the parts of yourself - even when it’s uncomfortable - then that is an incredible accomplishment.  If you practice meditation regularly then you will get to the point where no matter what the upset you’ll know that if you take some time to tune in and OBSERVE what’s happening, it won’t overwhelm you.

The meditative state - the state of tuning in, observing, ACCEPTING what’s going on without judging it, of just continuing to be aware of what’s happening in and outside of you in the moment, is a way of being you always have access to.  If you do it regularly then it will change your appreciation of everything.  And perhaps more important than anything, it’ll help you right now.


Scott Walsh is a teacher of meditation and and psychic techniques and is the co-founder of Seattle Psychic Institute.  He has been practicing meditation most of his life, has been a psychic for 18 years and a teacher for 7 years.  The sense of connection, purpose and joy that practicing these techniques have brought him can’t be over emphasized.

Healing for the Earth, Day 5: Creature Comforts and Whatever You Need to Get You Through the Day!

Hello fellow Earthlings,

It's strange out there, isn't it? What an interesting time to be an Earthling. Today's little video is about saying OKAY to creature comforts and whatever gets you through the day! Yay!

Today was a day of paperwork and getting things done, so I didn't get a chance to be out in nature much, except to see the last rays of sunlight as I drove to Safeway to pick up provisions. You can be sure that the entire aisle of toilet paper was empty and there was no hand sanitizer in sight. In fact, there were signs up limiting these items to two per person. Earthlings are so interesting, aren't we? Not a single animal uses these things. We wear clothes, use hand sanitizer and toilet paper and drive cars and go to store houses that hold all of our food. This is what we do, many of us. While I was looking for Epsom salt, an announcement came on at the store that said, "Be sure to get your flu shot because you never know if it will be wild or mild out there." I swear that's what it said.

Today I decided, after feeling anxious about work and my future housing situation, that I was going to give myself some comfort and it is OKAY! I stocked up on snacks, which included a little chocolate. I put on my favorite cozy socks which have stars and moons on them. I turned on the gas fireplace for a bit to warm up. I took a long shower and washed my hair. I gave myself comfort today because it's what my body and spirit wanted. I will probably curl up in the bedroom and watch Netflix. I haven't watched anything in a long time, but today I'm cutting myself some SLACK.

I love you all for being here and doing your best! You are doing GREAT!

Peace, love and light,
Katherine

Healing for the Earth, Day Three: Grounding

Hello fellow Earthlings,

Here's a little video on GROUNDING that I created for you all to help you release all that's in your space that doesn't need to be there. Much like deleting files on your computer that may be overloaded. Sometimes it's good to clear all of that out. The volume's a little low on this one, but you get the gist.

How y'all doing out there on our BIG BLUE MARBLE? Have you been able to get outside and breathe some fresh air? Have you taken a break from technology? Have you been able to take a few minutes to tune in? Today, I woke up late and didn't get much done. It's easy for all kinds of emotions to swirl around in my head and not have anywhere to go if I don't get outside! I don't know what it is about being outdoors. Perhaps there's a different language out there.

One that makes you stop and smell the roses.
One that makes you stare at new leaves on trees for several moments.
One that makes you notice a butterfly.
A BUTTERFLY!

Some say that there's no time to smell the roses. We've got a crisis here. People are dying. Our Earth is ailing. We don't have time. We need to keep ourselves active and informed and busy and on top of it and well-stocked and checked in with everyone and, and, and...there are a million things to do and find out and know and help with and do, do, do.

.Nature wants you to stop and notice.
 Nature wants you to be part of it!

Of course it's important to care and be informed about what is going on and to help others in any way that you see fit. Each person will have there own way.

As long as it is kind and compassionate and useful, it's all good.

One thing that helps me is to drop in and see how I'm feeling. That gives me a lot of information right away.

When I'm on my computer all day doing work or if I get on Facebook, while it's nice to connect, I don't feel connected to my body and spirit a lot of the time. Something in me and in nature longs for a connection. And when I'm able to do this, it's amazing medicine for the spirit.

Today I felt the need to GROUND OUT all the energy that is swirling out there. There are so many different news stories, posts, emails, thoughts, ideas, questions, concerns, worries, laughter (laughter is good), sharing, sadness, grief, anger. All of these are fine and GOOD, but if you are an empath like me, that stuff gets stockpiled in the system. Time to put it all on a disk drive or into the TRASH BUCKET just like on my Mac down at the bottom right of the screen.

Do you ever take time to empty out the trash or clean house? I can't operate unless I do this. Otherwise I'm a walking collection of every single thing I've picked up throughout the day.

One of the most marvelous things I learned in Psychic School was GROUNDING! We are on the EARTH and yet sometimes we float around on top of it never really sinking in to it. The EARTH is our home, without it we would not be here.

Grounding helps me to release that stockpile of all that I accumulated throughout my day so that I rest very soundly at night and am able to wake up refreshed the next day.

Out on Dungeness Spit, I found a little spot in the sand amongst the logs and stone altars created by fellow Earthlings down on the beach.

 I nestled in and created a little video on grounding for you all. The stones and sand really help me feel connected to the EARTH. They give me permission to let go of all that is not needed in my space so that I can be a receiver of what is needed. If I'm filled up with gunk, I can't operate very well. Kind of like a vacuum cleaner that needs the lint basket cleared out.

I walked down the beach to the natural totem pole that stood tall. No one knows exactly how it stood straight up like that. Some say a root ball from the tree dug deep into the sand making it a permanent feature on the beach. I felt my boots sink in the sand and really felt a connection. Just then an eagle landed on the top of nature's totem pole and looked me in the eyes.

I am a Scorpio and eagle is a symbol of my sign. I felt that the eagle was really witnessing me. We had a moment together and I felt very seen. Somehow I got the message that the work I'm doing here is good work for the Earth and I should keep going. This is what the eagle gave to me. Had I not stepped outside and walked down Dungeness Spit, I would not have met this eagle who is still in my heart reminding me that I too am part of this Earth and I can let go, tune in and ground at any time.

Peace to you my fellow journeyers. May you take a moment to ground each day and feel yourself on this EARTH! The Earth loves it when we recognize her and the animals definitely feel it!

Peace + Love + Light,
Katherine

Going Deep at Dawn

Hello fellow Earthlings,

It's 2020. Doesn't that sound like science fiction? Given that I came to the Earth in this present body in 1969 in Earth years, the year Neil Armstrong walked on the moon (THE MOON!), 2020 sounds even more OUT THERE.  And what can I say? Have we gotten more Sci Fi? Have we destroyed this planet yet?

Not yet, friends, not yet. I could never have imagined that I'd be typing my thoughts into a computer for others to read. And these strange things called Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. We live our lives with our head in devices. Devices. gadgets that are meant to make our lives easier. I will admit, my iPhone has become part of my right hand. I'm not going to toss it in the ocean. It would take millions of year for it to decompose.

I woke up at dawn. My boyfriend was snoring away on his futon he brought out here. We were on different cycles last night. He came in late from Seattle after working a full day and all he wanted to do was grab a beer and lock himself away with Netflix. I had very different plans for the New Year. I wanted to go into it with eyes wide open. No alcohol or glass clinking for me last night. You could say it was a pretty silent night and it was very intentional.

I did a vision board for the New Year. I do one every new year, but this year my vision seemed particularly important. I'm getting a HUGE sign to let go of things that do not serve me any longer. Maybe it's because I'm now 50, I don't know? A girlfriend who turned 50 five years ago or so said, "It was like I was walking through a doorway and could only bring a few things, the rest I'd have to let go of." That's how I feel.

So what am I bringing into the New Year that serves me? Love for myself and my direction and goals, love for the earth, love for my partner, family and friends, good health, abundance, travel, a house of my own, book writing and book completion, creation of my own website with online classes, retreats and readings. First and foremost is being here NOW in Sequim, Washington and finishing my book. Well, and blogging...

At dawn I pulled on my jeans from the day before, a puffy long, powder blue jacket, scarf, hat, gloves and red rain boots and headed out into the darkness. It was as if the sound of the waves out on Dungeness Spit was drawing me to it like a magnet. Before leaving, I asked my boyfriend, "Do you want to come with me down to The Spit?" He mumbled something that was clearly an indication that he wanted to sleep more, so off I went.

I drove down Woodcock Road and turned right on Dungeness Spit Drive heading past red barns and cattle and green fields with the Olympic Mountains as a backdrop. The sun was starting show signs of itself and I was in a hurry to get to the sea. I was the first car in the parking lot. I have an annual pass to The Spit. It's the longest spit of sand in the U.S. and if you walk the entire thing down to the light house and back, it would be a total of 10 miles. I have yet to do that, but I will.

I decided to take the primitive trail through the woods down to the sea. I could hear the waves crashing on the shore in the distance and I had one thing in mind. I wanted to be down by the waves. I wanted them to pound through me and shake me wide open. I wanted the undertow to take with it all of the unwanted in me and the world. Take my anger, take my fights with my boyfriend about finances, take toxic people's comments, take all the disbeliefs, take hatred, take avoidance, take addictions, take pollution and human consumption, take all the ill of the world out into the swells and break them down, smooth them out and return to the shore the light, the kindness and the highest good.

A bit idealistic, isn't it Kathy? I thought out loud. My thoughts were forming their own swells in my mind as I walked at rapid speed over the damp, moist earth through a thicket of pine trees. I walked so fast I nearly trampled over a doe and her fawn. They stared at me through those big eyes. They were as still as stones and I became still too. My stillness made them comfortable and they stayed cleaning each other and munching on vegetation in the woods. They were so close I could touch them.

I carried on and eventually the primative trail spit me out at the ocean. Not a soul was in sight and the waves were so huge they devoured the entire walking area of the beach. I thought about turning around, but they called me to them. They called me out on The Spit where I had to walk very close to the roped off area that separated the beach from the bird sanctuary. Ocean spray covered my jacket and moved like lava up over logs and over my red boots. Salt from the water was in my hair and eyes and mouth. I wanted, in a weird way, to be consumed my those waves. Maybe I secretly wanted them to TAKE ME out into their swells and churn me through their underbellies smoothing me out like a stone with perfect rings around it that a fellow hiker might pick up and skip out into the quiet sea making new wishes for the new year.

A rainbow appeared in a cloud across from The Spit, illuminating the land on the other side. Snow mountains sat like majestic watchers of the land off to my left. The sun rose on the bird sanctuary side of The Spit slowly illuminating it from the lighthouse to where I stood. Majestic. All of it.

No, we weren't in danger of destroying the Earth. We were in danger of destroying ourselves and all the earth wants us to do is listen. I heard the squawking of an eagle overhead and looked straight up to catch a glimpse of it as it disappeared through the trees. I was alone on this thin stretch of sand with waves thundering against the earth.

In those moments, I felt cleansed and alive. I knew I would move forward no matter what. There was nothing stopping these waves. They were unforgiving and relentless in their will. They moved with force and purpose. And standing there, I knew I would do the same.

The Light Behind Defeat

Dear Fellow Earthlings,

I will be honest. I am still releasing negative feelings and emotions almost three years after my husband left. It is not a constant thing and most days I am quite happy, but when I am silent, I am able to dive deep down into reservoirs of darkness and negative emotions. They are there and I am trying not to be afraid of them, but rather, to work with them for my own healing.

I can't say that I've perfected being a deep sea diver. Most of the time I'm looking for my water wings. I want my noodle, or maybe two noodles, so I can bob effortlessly up and down with the ocean waves. I don't want to go deep down where there are sea urchins, sharks, sting rays and other things that could hurt me. It's dark and murky under there. I don't know what is lurking or what might hurt me and I've already been hurt. Best not to risk it again, right?

I went to a psychic recently. Actually, I am a trained psychic too. I have given many psychic readings, but it helps to also receive them. The woman who saw me confirmed that I am diving deep. So deep that most people would have turned back long ago. I've somehow agreed to do this. Even my former spouse could not go where I was going. Instead of swimming down, he doggy paddled sideways towards another woman who he ended up having an affair with. I think he believed that somehow she would save him or he could lose himself and the darkness by taking up with someone new. But it doesn't really work that way. We can get guidance and help, but no one can live this life for us. Each one of us has to go through it and the more resistance there is the harder it will be. This is what I've found.

Don't be afraid of the darkness, because behind it is a light you can't believe. Skimming the surface will never allow you to catch a glimpse of this light. You can skim through your entire life if you want. No one will stop you.  But there is so much beauty deep down in there.

I also do tarot card readings and did one for myself the other day. In my mind, there are no "bad cards," but ones we can learn from. I recently chose the card DEFEAT.

When you think of defeat, what comes to mind? For me there is a feeling of losing. I've lost something. In sports we lose to the other team. In medieval latin, the word is disfacere which means to destroy, mutilate or undo. Who wants to lose or be destroyed? No one. We are in this life to win and preserve ourselves for as long as we can.

Henry David Thoreau, in his essay called Civil Disobedience, wrote:

The mass of men leads lives of quiet desperation

We don't want waves. We don't want to dive deep and face the darkness. In fact, most of us do everything in our power to avoid the darkness. We'd take boredom and predictability over uncertainty any day.We'd rather have security and know what's what. But do any of us know what's what? I believe there's actually more struggle in holding things together than letting things fall apart. Easier said than done because, for the love of GOD, who wants to open up that can of worms and expose who we really are and how we really feel?

But what if we did let go. Instead of holding tightly to the rope of fear, what if we just let it go. Instead of clenching fists of sand, what if we watched it sift through our fingers in amusement. We are all going to die, this is true, so what is the sense of holding on so tightly?

I'm not suggesting doing anything rash, I'm suggesting to ask defeat (or any other dark emotion) to sit down with you to tea. Maybe you'd learn more than you expect. Maybe you'd see beauty where you never expected to see it.

I let defeat come in. I let it come on a walk with me and the dog I'm caring for out here in Port Townsend. There is some anger in defeat for me. I lost my spouse to another woman. The world that I believed in came crumbling down and so did my identity of twenty years. If you were to lose your spouse, kids, husband, home, animals, who would you be? Do you depend on all these others to define who you are?

I've been playing with "now what?" for awhile. I'm testing out lots of different things. Instead of quickly taking on another identity or putting all my eggs in another's basket, my larger self, or "oversoul" as I call it, is asking me to not hurry to define myself again. It's telling me to linger at the bottom of the ocean for awhile.

And at the bottom of the ocean is a deep silence. A deafening silence. And a light so bright and so warm. I  heard this silence and I saw this light in a cathedral of trees on my walk with the dog. It shone right through the dark thickness of them, inviting me to sit down and listen. This grove asked me to put down my thoughts and stories and to enter empty handed. So I did.

I currently have no home to call my own. But I do believe I'll have one again. It's easy to feel defeated when you've given away all you've got and lost so much. But the other side of that is an unbelievable lightness and joy. There's nothing to carry except the present moment. Behind the swords of defeat there is a bright light. You don't have to die to see it. It's there every moment speaking in a butterfly that flutters overhead or in a thimble berry that begs you to taste it. Life is abundant even in defeat and sorrow. Even in my darkest hour, I feel the sweetness of being alive.

No, I'm not afraid of the darkness. Instead, I feel myself outstretching my arms and asking this uncertainty, sorrow, loss and pain to dance.

Maui Musings Day 45: A Message for our Planet

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

I have been living out here below Haleakala, fire chakra of the planet, for 45 days. Yes, I can't believe it, but it has been THAT long! The messages that have come through the land are so very powerful. I can't even begin to put them into words, but I will do my best. If you are here reading this now, know that there is a reason. You are here to raise the vibration of the planet. You are here to live your life at the highest possible frequency of LOVE. So many people talk about it, but there is a reason why. It is true.

I get that you may be saying, "Don't give me any of that new-age bullshit. The world is going to hell in a hand basket and there's nothing we can do about it. People are dying and our government is messed up, so go screw yourself."

Okay, okay well, you can stop reading if you want and just live there, in that state. It's up to you. I've been there. I have lived in that state of "hell on earth" where negativity was my best friend.  It was exhausting. It was like I was fighting to keep the negativity alive. It was like swimming up stream. I've lived in intense anger and pain. I've felt deep sorrow and outrage with what is happening in the world. Trust me, when someone you love is suddenly gone, you don't feel like kissing people and opening your heart. You feel OUTRAGE. This is a completely normal response. You'd be nuts if you DIDN'T feel this. When my husband walked out on me, I felt like I'd been shot in the chest. I felt unbearable anger which was really just a mask for deep, deep pain.

Right now you may feel that the world is in a state of chaos. We have shootings, we are at odds politically and spiritually with one another, there are wars, relationships are falling apart, there is darkness, death, disease, ill will. The instant access to Facebook and mass media and all the news can make us feel depressed, hopeless, useless, worried, fearful or lost.

This is all happening for a reason.

The ways in which we have existed up until now no longer serve us or the planet. 

In our human minds, it may seem impossible to wrap our heads around the solution, but the solution is right here. It has always been RIGHT HERE!

"Right where?" I hear you saying,  "I'm sitting here and I see/feel NOTHING good."

Are you breathing? Do you have food? Do you have shelter? Do you have a pet, a friend, family or a significant other? Do you have a toilet and a shower? Well, that's a start. That's all good.

Did you know that what you do RIGHT NOW, even if it seems insignificant, has tremendous power. You are an energetic being. The energy you give and receive creates your reality. What reality are you living in right now? Is it the life you want for yourself and all beings? 

If your world is covered in a state of despair, anger or hate, know that love is always there below the surface. Having the intention of tapping into that love is enough. You don't have to feel it. Just have the intention that you want to tap into it.

I could not feel any love at all when my husband left. I felt extreme pain. The pain was so intense that I had trouble breathing. Yes, you can die from a broken heart. What saved me? It was my intention to heal. THAT is it. I was completely committed to healing. I believed love was possible. I made a promise to love myself deeply. I made a promise to myself to feel everything I was feeling. I believed in love and I believed, beneath all the surface chaos, love was there.

Sometimes we have to go through states of deep negativity and despair in order to see that love. I feel like this is a shedding of the old. We are are healing in order to shift into the new. Are you open to healing and letting go of old patterns? Are you open to feeling love?

I'm living out here in the land of ALOHA. The Hawaiians and the people here believe in the power of love. It is how they live. They live aloha and even BREATHE aloha. I have learned so much from this. 

Being out here in the middle of the ocean on islands that are farthest from any land mass in a place that bases everything on this ALOHA energy is pretty transformative. 

The land SPEAKS here. The people are part of the land. 

Actually, the earth speaks everywhere, but it REALLY speaks here. 

When I walk the grounds here everyday, I automatically place my hand over my heart. I keep feeling my heart open. The love is so strong that it makes me touch this area. Whatever I am doing, the land keeps calling me to listen and love. Whenever fear crops up, I'm called again and again to lay that fear down and let love in.

Yesterday, after I dropped my boyfriend off at the airport for his flight back to Seattle, I felt a pull to get in the ocean. I drove to a beach near the airport and immediately found myself swimming with turtles. Their energy was so ancient, yet gentle. And when I put my head under the ocean, I could hear the call of humpback whales. 

I couldn't understand this language, but my heart understood it. My heart understands. So I have decided not to lead with my head anymore. I am being guided by my heart. This is the part that is opening. This is the new world we are entering.

I see a world that is lead by the passion of our hearts, not the will of our minds. I keep hearing that everything is as it is meant to be. There is nothing to do but follow our hearts deeply. If we deny our hearts and forget to listen to them, we will suffer greatly. If we get too caught up in what is going on OUTSIDE of our own beings, if we leave our heart space and get caught up in trying to solve everything "out there," we will be lost.

The heart is our compass. It knows the way and has ALWAYS known the way. Let go and listen. This is what I keep getting. LET GO. If every single one of us is tuned in and following what the heart wants, imagine the world we'd have! 

Don't fall into despair, keep opening up your heart. Open it all the way. Cry, laugh, scream, feel. Let it out! And when you think it's as opened as it can go, open it a little more! Love yourself very deeply in this process. It's a very deep opening. All of us are in it whether we choose to be or not. All of us are moving towards this love.

John Lennon, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Mother Theresa and so many others lived from this love and followed deeply what their hearts called for them to do. Were they too idealistic? I believe they are no different from you or me. No different. The only difference is that they put full faith in their hearts. They were called to do something that might have seemed illogical to the rest of the world, and they did it. THAT IS THE ONLY DIFFERENCE.

So what is the message for our planet and for our lives on earth? Here's the message I get from listening for 45 days:

"Go into your heart, listen to what it calls you to do. Let go of all the other voices that mix you up or move you away from being in this space. Let go of what others might say or how you might look. If it is coming from a place of the heart, it will always be right. When you operate from your heart space, you connect with all other heart spaces. This force of love is so strong that it changes the appearance of water molecules and it will certainly shift our planet. This earth, which has sustained us all of our lives, is speaking to us every moment. It speaks the language of love. Move through the pain and unpleasantness. Sit with it. Be with it. Underneath it all is an enormous wellspring of love."

 From where I sit now, I see this clearly. I hear that it will be okay. You will be okay. We are on the path, all of us. Keep going. I promise you, love is there.

Divine Earthly Experience 13: Owning Who You Are

Dear fellow Earthlings,

Many are going through a crisis of identity right now. If you aren't currently experiencing that, you will. The earth is vibrating at a much higher frequency. This has been proven by scientists. I am reading a book called The Book of Ho'oponopono: The Hawaiian Practice of Forgiveness and Healing. In this book it says:

"The electromagnetic field of the earth is expanding. This has been observed on the level of the Schumann resonance. This increase in size is the result of a more general increase that is affecting, at the least, our entire galaxy. The cause is the arrival of new cosmic energies that give human beings heightened awareness, new visions, new abilities and new thought....This period of adaptation is expressed by fatigue, irritability, anxiety and depression."

Not sure when I began writing the above. I think it was August and now it's October, but this all still rings true for me. I look around me and all appears to be as it always was. The leaves on the trees are changing color, neighbors have pumpkins on their porches, a new school year is well on it's way, yet I can't help but feel it's not the same. It can never be the same. Sure, we have memories, but everything is shifting and it's shifting much faster than usual.

I have always been tuned into energies and the energies around me, but I haven't always owned this. I am owning it now. It's the shift I am going through. It's hard because I have to cast off a lot of fear as I let go of who I thought I was. Much of who I thought I was had to do with how I grew up. I followed what others did and believed in order to fit in and it served me then. Now, it is no longer serving me. I feel I'm wearing clothes that no longer fit. I keep trying to stretch into them, but they are tight or torn or old or yesterday's fashion. I push and pull my way into these clothes and they suffocate and stifle who I am.

So I will stand naked here. Cut these clothes from my body and stand naked. And who am I without these clothes?

I am a healer
I am a psychic
I am an an internationally published author
I am a teacher
I am a yoga teacher
I am a channeler and am able to connect with those who have recently passed
I am a retreat leader
I am an entrepreneur and business owner
I am inspirational
I am a world traveler
I am a mystic
I am a shaman
I am a blogger
I am a free spirit
I am a scorpio
I am a lover
I am beautiful


By being who I am, I help others tap into who they are. It's hard to own these things in me because I fear those close to me won't accept these things or even believe them, but I know they are true for me and that's most important. Right now my life is in chaos and instead of feeling like a victim, I'm choosing to see it all as an opportunity to cast off that which no longer fits. Sometimes things fall apart or we lose things because we have outgrown them. It's not because we are bad, it's because we are growing more into WHO WE ARE. But it's so hard to let go, isn't it? So many memories and years are attached to who we once were. I lost my husband is 2015 and I am losing my house in June of 2018. My parents have decided to sell the house I've lived in for almost 12 years, so I'm not sure where I will go or what I will do. I still have my job at the college, but even that is changing and sometimes I feel like I've outgrown that too.

I have a lot of fears around embracing and owning who I am. I have a fear that I will end up homeless and alone. However, I am currently in a relationship with a lovely man and I have a home. If I look at the now, things are really good. I see the beauty in each moment, yet the moment is always changing.

When I was younger, I embraced change with open arms. Now that I am getting older, I am a little more fearful of it. This month I will be 48! I can't believe it. But still, I'm not ready to settle into my life. I will always be a free spirit. This does not mean that I'm ungrounded, it just means that I find groundedness in change. Scorpio is the ruler of transformation. It is also the sign of sex and death. Death is the biggest transformation any of us will go through, yet things are dying every minute.

The trees are shedding their brightly colored leaves. It's time for them to drop. There's no holding this back. Change is inevitable. And how beautiful it is to see this fire of red, yellow and orange on the branches against the blue sky. But these leaves will soon be recycled to the soil and come back transformed.

I feel like a brightly colored leaf right now. I'm holding tightly to the branch. I don't want to fall or fail, but at some point I will have to let go. I know this letting go will be the transformation of me. I know that I will finally have to own who I am.

Divine Earthly Experience 6: Forgiveness is a Strength, Not a Weakness

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Katherine Ponder

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

Wow, this Earth Game is not easy sometimes, right? So much going on in our lives and in the world. All of us carrying around one wound or another. It's as if we are not meeting, but our wounds are meeting each other. When our wounds meet each other, they don't usually shake hands or kiss or hug. When our wounds meet, they lash out! It's like a lion in its den licking it's paw—a bloody, mangled paw. Another lion or animal comes near and it reaches out with its healthy paw and STRIKES! Now two animals have bloody paws. Two animals are walking around wounded. Why did the lion in the den strike? Because it wanted to protect itself.

We are all doing this, to some degree. Some of us have become comfortable in hiding our wounds. We smile when we greet people. We even extend a hand. We say, "How are you?" And when we answer that question, we may say, "Oh, I'm great, couldn't be better!"

Is it true? You couldn't be better?

If so, I commend you! Your life is going GREAT and this is not the time to hear about wounds. In fact, you'd rather not talk about THAT because who knows what might come up that's just under the surface.

Have you looked to see what's just under the surface?

My life, not too long ago, was going along swimmingly, so I thought. Everything I had dreamed about came true: I was happily married, I had traveled all over the world, I had become an internationally published author. I felt on top of the world. I was at my peak and there could be no valley.

But then, suddenly, I found myself in that valley. Everything that was important to me had been stripped away. Can you imagine this? Can you imagine all that you love right now suddenly not being there?

No, I know, you don't want to think about it. Life is going GREAT and this is not the time. I thought that too. In fact, I avoided all things that had the tone of sadness, defeat or depression. I defended strength and inspiration with everything I had in me. Anything with a whiff of negativity was quickly whisked away or shown the door. I couldn't relate to people who were down in the dumps because I was at the top of my game. I didn't have time for it.

Until IT became my reality.

Now I understand.

No one is immune to it, unfortunately.

When it happened to me, I was ANGRY. Yes, I'm not afraid to say that my go to emotion, when things don't go as planned, is anger.

"How could you do this?" I said, through clenched teeth in a tone that did, in fact, sound like a wounded or dying animal.

I had just found out that my husband had had an affair. That he'd been secretly dating someone else for several months.

Oh, the humiliation! After all, I'd written a book about our marriage. It had been published in other languages even. Now what?

And the pain. I used my anger to cover my pain. The pain was unbearable. To know that my partner of twenty years was now dating a younger woman, that all his love that was once for me was now going to her.....well, shit, that just plain hurt. And the way that he tossed it all away as if it were nothing....ouch!

Four months after my husband moved out for good, I attended a 10-day silent meditation course. Usually I come out of those courses feeling blissful, peaceful, new and refreshed. For years, I've gone to these retreats and found them beneficial and still do. During the course, you have to face your REAL self. Stuff comes up to be released and some of it is not pretty, to say the least. For the first time ever, I came out of the course ANGRY. I wanted REVENGE and the ways I came up with to get revenge, were, well, a little scary. I even scared myself by thinking them. I'll spare you the details, but I'm sure you get the picture.

I rolled in anger for months. It was not pretty. Luckily, I also threw myself into every healing modality out there: massages, spas, therapists, acupuncture, hypnosis, meditation, synagogues, temples, churches, prayer, meditation. I am currently a regular student at Psychic Awakenings in Queen Anne, Seattle. I'm now in an 11-month Clairvoyant Awareness Program learning amazing tools for healing and reading myself and doing the same for others. I think my classes there have had the most impact on my healing and where I am now, but all of it certainly helped. I was committed to healing myself. It was the only thing I knew for sure that I wanted to do.

And while I know, a year and a half later, there's still more healing to do, I can say that it's all paid off.

Last Friday, I met my ex-husband in a coffee shop. I'd met him on very few occasions over the course of a year and a half because I wanted to wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way, as the song goes.

But this time was different. I wasn't angry. I kept waiting for my pulse to start rising. I kept waiting for the lashing out to start happening. I was waiting for my friend anger to show up, but she missed our coffee date completely. And what a relief that was. I can't tell you how good it felt to let anger go.

As I sat there, drinking coffee and eating a breakfast sandwich with my ex-husband, I instead saw him for who he was. I saw that he was a human, like me, currently going through a lot of suffering. I felt compassion. It surprised me. Compassion wiggled it's way up on the chair next to me and sat there attentively listening. I remembered the good times we shared over the twenty years we were together and even though it doesn't make what he did right, I forgave him. Right then and there, I forgave him. It wasn't just a word I said, it was a feeling of forgiveness. I really felt it. I wanted the best for him. I wanted him to be okay. I wanted him to find his spark again and I really felt it. It was a long road to feel like this. It could have been even longer had I not really wanted to heal or do the work to get there.

And what does forgiveness feel like?  To me, it feels light and loving. It feels like a big relief. It feels like dropping the protection and being vulnerable and real. It feels like coming out of my lion's den, even though I was wounded. It feels like freedom and permission to walk in the light again. It feels like connection and the understanding that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I forgive myself and I forgive you. I wish the best for myself and I wish the best for you.

I don't think I could have gotten there without forgiving myself first. I had to forgive myself for my anger. I had to forgive myself for being afraid of my wounds. I had to forgive myself for not being perfect or having a perfect life. After all, who the hell has a perfect life anyway? None of us would be playing the Earth Game if we were all perfect. We are all here to learn, not let everyone know that we are "perfectly fine".

If I hear anyone say, "I'm perfectly fine," I might be inclined to say, "Dig a little deeper." It won't be sarcastic; it will be an invitation. For whom are you living this life? For others? You have an opportunity to let go of a lot here. Evolution can happen, but not if you cling to old ways of being. Not if you hide your wounds deep down inside. Your evolution is the world's evolution. I believe this.

Go to the depth of your anger, sadness, ill-will, pain, un-perfect-ness....get down to the messy and uncomfortable stuff. Go in there. Don't be afraid. I promise you, on the other side of it all, there's love....a deep, deep wellspring of love. Love for yourself and for others. I know it's hard to believe and it doesn't come easy. I've still got a lot of work to do, but it's the greatest work I've ever done.

Have you ever forgiven someone? How did it feel?

Divine Earthly Experience 1: Endings

Good Morning Fellow Earthlings,

I write you from my boyfriend's LOVE SHACK. Today is the second to last day of 2016 and a New Year is ahead of us. I'm letting go of A LOT. How about you? For the past year and a half I haven't written much. To be honest, I spent a fair amount of the last year and a half hunkered down in my Seattle home feeling a bit lost. My ex-husband, the subject of my former book and blog, Lessons from the Monk I Married, had an affair and left our 20-year partnership and 12-year marriage. It was the hardest thing, other than my birth I suppose, that I had to go through. My identity and life as I knew it had been stripped from me. I didn't know who I was or how I fit into the world I had created.

 I felt adrift, clinging to the few solid things in my life (my home, my friends, my job) like pieces of recognizable debris floating past me in a gigantic sea of unknowingness. Even those things that felt solid started to blur as I traversed new territories.

I oscillated between feeling ready to burst forth with a new identity and new life to feeling like hiding under the blankets of my cozy bed, afraid to meet friends and family who were ready with their condolences and offers to help. I was embarrassed that I had wrapped my own identity up so tightly with that of my ex-husband's that I could not even imagine what we could or would be when things fell apart.

But somehow, out of the ashes of a once vibrant, happy, adventurous partnership, with the same ups and downs as any relationship, I arose with a new sense of myself as an individual. I realized I was stronger than I thought I was. Grief took me on a trip through denial to acceptance of my situation.

But I'm not perfect, by any means. I still fall into anger and sorrow over what happened, but with each day that passes, I feel more and more that this was a gift. Indeed, new beginnings are often disguised as painful endings and I was long due for a new beginning, so much so that it took a seismic shift, an earthquake, an eruption, a storm to descend upon my marriage. It had been written well before it had happened. I saw the ending in my dreams.

All the passion that had been pent up in me. All the love that I extended to my partner that was continuously pushed away came pouring out of me wanting to be fully expressed. I took a burlesque class where I became VENUS ON FIRE.

Venus on Fire, Oddfellows Hall, Capital Hill, February 20, 2016

I created on stage everything I felt inside that had somehow been denied. It was strange, but I felt I needed witnesses. I needed to be SEEN for who I was. I was passionate, fiery, angry, sexy, strong, lovable and beautiful. On stage, I emerged out of a shell like the Bottecelli painting The Birth of Venus; I was a docile, pure-white vision of beauty who became a fiery, red Venus, like Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes. I owned my life, direction and sexuality. I could be whoever I wanted to be.

I started to feel so much confidence in myself. I knew what I wanted in life and I believe that's how I attracted my current boyfriend, a very loving, mature, affectionate, passionate man who shined a light on all my broken pieces and reflected so much beauty and love back to me. I also received incredible healings and insights from Psychic Awakenings, a place where I learned to ground and own my space; A place where I learned to trust my intuition and abilities to not only heal myself and gain insight into the person I was becoming, but also where I learned to be an intuit and healer for others. I'm currently in an 11-month Clairvoyant Awareness Program there.

I learned to trust my intuition above all else. When I learned to let go of things not needed in my life, a new life, full of travel, love, happiness and joy entered in. But it didn't just show up until I showed up to do the work. I had to face my pain, sorrow, anger, fear and loss.

So goodbye 2016! It was a year of healing. I will say that as much as I cowered under the blankets of my bed, I also faced life full-on. I moved through grief. I still fall into it from time to time, but I'm ready to come outside. I'm ready to show up in the world and live OUT LOUD. Look out 2017!

How was the ending to your year? Is there anything you are letting go of?