Maui Musings Day 28: Living in Love

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

I've been out here on the farm in Maui for almost 28 days. About 23 days of that time has been alone. I've done silent meditation courses of 45 days, but nothing tops this. When you are on a meditation course, all your needs are taken care of. If you need a softer cushion for your butt, the management will fetch it for you. If you need to eat a gluten-free diet, the kitchen staff will prepare it for you. If you are going through a mental breakdown, the teachers on staff will walk you through it or get you the help you need.

Out here alone on the farm, it's "fend for yourself," for the most part. I'm alone, I make my food, harvest the veggies and fruit, gather chicken eggs, feed the dogs, do the wash, take the garbage down to the landfill, and spend A LOT of time by myself. There is a local living down by the gate if there are any emergencies, and there have been a few.

There were plans to paint the dome, so I moved into the big house. Two days later a large limb from a tree, that was the size of a tree itself, came crashing down and hit the dome and wiped out the yoga gazebo. I heard a huge crack, like thunder, and went out to investigate. When I saw what the tree-like limb had done, I was stunned. What if I'd been in the bathroom or on my way to the bathroom? What if the dogs had been walking back there? I thought. It was so fortunate that I had already moved to the big house. I really felt someone was looking out for me.

I knew it was Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes. I have felt her presence here the entire time I've been here. Every time a huge fear comes up or something big happens, she is standing next to me reminding me to live in love, not fear.

Again and again, I feel fears rise up and I'm able to tune into the energy of Pele or my higher self and release those fears and bring in gold light or a ring of fire around the property for protection. And then I bring in love.

I think love is the opposite of fear. When you are living in love and filled up with love from the inside, it's hard for any fears to stick around for long. It's hard to stay in a disagreement with anyone for any length of time. Usually, after a day or so, I want to make up with a person. But I realize that making up with another person can be a one-way street. If I extend love or I open the door for communication and the other person shuts that door, there's not much I can do except to continue to send love out and realize that each person is working out there own things in this life and it's nothing personal.

I am not perfect, so I will tell you that when my husband cheated on me with a younger yoga student and left our 12-plus year marriage, it was very hard to extend love or forgiveness. Instead, I felt a burning rage. I felt like Kali, Goddess of Destruction. I felt like a fire-breathing dragon ready to wipe out everything in my husband and his new-found girlfriend's path. The anger covered up a very deep, deep hurt.

It took awhile to crawl out of that hole. It took time to see the light again and to see that there was still love all around me. The only thing I was committed to at that time was loving, nurturing and healing myself. During that time, I realized that living in love did not depend on another person or situation or perfect location or right connections. Living in love started with myself.

Love was not outside myself. It is never outside myself. When I began to see love in me, I started to see the reflection of that all around me too.

Eventually, I did walk around Greenlake with my ex and I didn't want to kill him. It was a huge step! I actually wished him well, even though I did not understand his actions and had no wish to communicate on a regular basis. I felt our paths had diverged for a reason and we were on our way to becoming two very different people.

Living in love, for me, also means not always pleasing people or having people understand you. I have always wanted to get along with people. I tend to avoid conflict at all costs. But more and more, I am speaking up for what I want and not worrying or caring what others think about it.

How can you live in love when you are doing something you hate just because everyone else is doing it? What's wrong with tuning into yourself and saying, "I'm not really feeling like doing that or being that or going there." Living in love means asking yourself what you need and honoring it even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

I have also found that it is very counter productive to beat yourself up for not having what everyone else has. Each of us are unique individuals on the planet. Each of our lives may not look like everyone else's, but we are ALL capable and deserving of love.

Some may feel that living in love means doing things for others, but if you are not taking care of yourself, than everything will be done in vain.

Others may feel that having the perfect partner is living in love. But what if that partner betrays you or leaves you or doesn't measure up to your idea of what living in love is. Then you are left empty or angry or sad.

Coming out here to Maui to live alone and write was something I wanted to do. It was a way of honoring myself, despite all my fears about it. Again and again I have faced those fears and kept coming back to love. I have a great appreciation for myself now and my ability to be self-reliant and give myself what I need. I see that it's okay that I'm not perfect or that I don't please everyone I meet. I see that it's okay that I don't have my entire book written by now.

Being here and tuning into the land and myself was quite huge. I know I went deep and uncovered so much in these past 28 days. I have faced so many things out here on my own. I didn't resort to talking to a volleyball and I didn't go crazy. That's big!

So tonight I am honoring and loving myself for just being out here alone. I did it. I'm capable of living out in nature for 23 days with no other humans close by.

And I can also say that I'm ready for my boyfriend to visit. He will come the day after tomorrow. It will be an interesting transition after being on my own for so long, but it's a transition I'm welcoming and look forward to.

Have you ever spent any long length of time living alone out in nature? Where were you and how did it feel? Is it something you want to try?

Maui Musings Day 21: Face the Fear and Do It Anyway

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

I have been out here in Maui for 21 days and tonight is my 12th night ALONE, besides the two pups I'm caring for. I will tell you honestly, I've been facing so many BIG fears. Some of the fears feel so big that I want to put my tail between my legs and run home. I know, I know. Right now you are thinking, "What could possibly go wrong in paradise?" Well, you've heard of those airplanes disappearing in the Bermuda triangle, haven't you? A lot can go wrong in paradise, just as much as anywhere else. After all, on the 13th of January, everyone in Hawaii thought a ballistic missile was headed right for us. If that's not something that would scare the pants off of any human, I don't know what would.

I want to report to you all that I'm alive and well. I haven't talked to any volleyballs yet, like Tom Hanks ended up doing in that movie. What was the name of it? I've had some battles with my eyes and throat. I think it was VOG (volcanic gases coming over from the Big Island). I had to wear my very unattractive glasses for many days because my eyes were burning. But, hey, I'm not dressing up for anyone right now, so who cares.

So, since I've been out here, gardeners and people who tend to the land on occasion have asked me, "Are you okay out here by yourself?" I've been asked that question so many times by locals that I've begun to think maybe I SHOULD be afraid. My very active mind has turned all kinds of night time noises into aliens, kidnappers, dangerous wild creatures...you name it. I've had to talk myself out of strange scenarios my mind concocts again and again and again.

I'm very psychic and intuitive. I believe we create our realities and circumstances or, at the very least, our minds can create a good or bad view of things. I have a strong connection to Pele, Goddess of Volcanoes. I have felt her with me numerous times out here below Haleakala. She is one of my spirit guides. She holds my hand and creates a firewall of protection all around the property. She guards this place. She protects it because the owners have put so much aloha (love) into the place and she protects anything that has to do with ALOHA. Another tool I use is GOLD. I'm able to put up gold light all around me, the property, the land, Hawaii and sometimes I can stretch it to encompass the country and beyond. I work with gold light a lot. I know this sounds like hocus pocus, but our reality is created by what we believe. If I believe gold light is all around me, then it is. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My higher self knows so much and is so capable, but my smaller self is a fearful, shivering child. I oscillate between these two. I believe I'm here to bring these two aspects of myself into harmony.

How does one do that? By giving that small, shivering little self a TON OF ALOHA! Don't expect it from anyone else. You have to give it to yourself. To be honest, I get ALOT of support from friends, my boyfriend (who checks in with me at least once a day) and the owners, who have been so supportive of me being out here. Also, I'm here with two pups who are going through their own fears. Yes, these two little beings that I'm in charge of are also working through things. They are here with me and I am clearly NOT their mom or dad. But they've learned to love me. I'm all they've got and they are all I've got right now.

Today, there was thunder and lightening on the property that was very intense. I had a plan to go down the hill to meet a high school friend and another friend who is in town from Seattle. I was so excited to meet these people because, well, there hasn't been much human contact out here. But the rain was so intense and one of the little dogs was shivering uncontrollably. Have you ever been so scared that you couldn't stop shaking? Well, that was this little dog. How on earth could I go down the mountain in the pouring rain, thunder and lightening to meet my friends when this little pup was practically hyperventilating from fear.

I contacted my friends and made a plan to meet them another day. Once again, it would be just me and the pups at night. I put the little pup into my lap and meditated and eventually her breathing settled and she curled up in a ball and finally took a rest. I don't know if she will ever overcome this fear of thunder and lightening, but feeling comforted and feeling ALOHA come her way was a big help in settling her down.

The pups also put me at ease. When there is someone who comes onto the property they bark and I know they are being protective of me. They also sleep very close to me. We are tuned into each other now. Feeling loved and supported by others is also helpful in overcoming fears. We are all in this together, so when we can connect and help one another, it lessens these fears. Love for myself and love for others seems to be the key. Sometimes I see that small fearful child in me and realize she is also like a separate being. She needs me (my higher self) to wrap my arms around her in a warm, loving embrace. What if each one of us did this for ourselves? What if we were able to soothe ourselves when we felt scared, alone, sad, or depressed?

This is what I've been doing out here. I've been loving that child within me. I've been hearing her say, "I'm really scared." and I've been showering her with love, gold light, comfort, kind words, peace, good food, trips to the beach, yoga classes....whatever she needs.

The other day, that small child said, "That's IT! I can't take it anymore!" She had spent too many days alone on the property and she really just wanted to GET OUT. I treated her to a day at the beach and lunch in the town nearby. I let her write in her journal, people watch, swim in the blue ocean, feel the sand in her toes, eat a cookie, listen to her favorite tunes, spin the prayer wheel at the Tibetan temple.

Sometimes that's what we need when we feel fearful or alone. We just need to tell ourselves, "I love you, you will be fine, I'm here for you."

I have found that this alone time has had tremendous healing effects. I don't need to be afraid because I have love.

Fear, anger, resentment, sadness, loss or depression can be there on the surface or in the background, but love (aloha) for oneself and others conquers all.

What is your biggest fear? What have you done to love yourself when you feel worried, fearful, sad or alone?

Maui Musings Day 9: The Last Day on Earth

Dear fellow Earthlings,

If this were your last day in this current incarnation on the planet, what would you do? How would you feel to know you only have a day left to live? Have you been living each day as if it were your last? Have you been appreciating your life? Is there something that needs to change?

It seemed like just another day on Maui. I awoke, once again, to the sound of birds singing together in a grand symphony as the sun rose over the ocean casting a pink and red glow across the horizon.

I rubbed my eyes and thought about my boyfriend. I've been away from him for about a week and I still have another 25 days or so to go until I see him. I posted a video of us  and a few photos of the last few days in Maui on Facebook. Then I sat there in complete gratitude in my bed, in my dome with nature surrounding me.

And then this happened:

It flashed across my screen in an instant. It read:

Emergency Alert:
BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Holy shit! This was not a joke. In that moment, everything stopped and I froze. And then thoughts started to flood back in. I thought, How long is it going to take the missile to reach Hawaii? and What am I going to do with the short time I have left?

I went over to the owner's main house and talked to them about it and my friend's husband was pretty confident that it was not going to happen. Still, those words on my phone and everyone's phone were clear and we had not received another message yet to let us know that it was not going to happen, so I had to treat it like it was true.

Up on the mountain, we are fully exposed. There is no shelter. At least no shelter underground. If we were going out, we'd surely go out with a bang. I paced the property and then decided to FaceTime my boyfriend. He was shocked to hear the news, but he also did not believe it would happen and reassured me that when he looked at it psychically, all looked well. And, he was angry that this message had gone out to the entire population of Hawaii, scaring the pants off so many people. He made me feel calm and reassured and it felt good to talk to him and see his face.

The next thing I did was find the most succulent piece of tropical fruit I could eat. In this case, it was a tangerine that had grown on the property. I wanted to get a taste of this good earth in me, if I was going to leave it.

I sat on a patch of grass near the Plumeria tree and felt the pulp of the tangerine squirt in my mouth. I sucked the juices in like sweet nectar. I appreciated each bite. As I was eating this fruit and talking to my boyfriend, I felt a deep sense of love and gratitude for my life. I felt my guides all around me. One of my guides is Pele, goddess of volcanoes. I felt her power to repel any negative forces affecting these sacred islands, even missiles.

All of these things calmed me down and allowed me to sit in the beauty of nature with confidence.

 If I were to leave the planet today, I know I can say that I had a wonderful life with lots of love, adventure, happiness, fun and joy. I can also say that I am so appreciative of my family and each person who has crossed my path.

I felt happy that I could honestly say that at this point in my life. And once I felt this, I knew I would be okay. I know that I have a divine purpose on this planet. I know that it involves writing and sharing my journey with others. I can feel a book in me. I know it is bubbling deep down at the core of my being. I know it wants to be born and I feel much of it will get written on this trip, especially now that the ballistic missile was a false alarm. It is strange how a threat like that puts all things into perspective.

Even though I was completely shaking in my slippahs when that message flashed across my screen, a deeper part of me said, "Feel the love (aloha) around you. Tune in to THAT!" It was a very good lesson. I could be afraid, but I could still feel love and gratitude for my life. We don't like to think about our last day on earth being near, but it is a good thing to ponder. Personally, I believe that we come back again in one form or another. We are here to learn as much as we can and live out our divine purpose. Life presents us with lessons and challenges, but ultimately I feel we all go back to the same source we came from. We all go back to the same light and each one of us are sparks of that great light. Knowing this, I feel calm. No matter what happens, we return to the same place.

Sometimes I  wonder what my life is for. I can't know the complete path. None of us can. Yet, often times, I feel I'm being guided. My intuition tells me strongly, "Do THIS!" Coming to Maui was one of those things. I was determined to make it happen because I felt deeply drawn to immerse myself in this land. I felt deep healing would happen. I felt my spirit call me back to these islands for a reason.
If this were my last day on earth, I can honestly say that I followed my heart here. I can also say that I feel gratitude for everything in my life, even the challenging, unpleasant parts. Those parts got me here. What a blessing!

What would you do if it were your last day on earth? Is there anything you would change right now if you knew that your days were numbered?

Maui Musings Day 8: Tuning into the Sacred Land

Hello fellow Earthlings,

I write you from inside a geodesic dome below Haleakala, fire chakra of the planet. I'm on Maui on my girlfriend's property. I'm here to tune in, be mindful, take care of the animals and plants, take care of myself, and immerse myself in ALOHA. Right now, outside, I hear the sound of crickets and cows mooing in the distance. I'm far from the tourists. There are no neighbors or other people I can see from where I am and soon I will be completely alone here. What am I doing here, you ask? I do not really know, but I keep getting called back to these islands again and again and again. The land here calls for me to slow down and tune in. Every morning I wake to a symphony of birds. I usually make myself a cup of tea and lemon water from lemons that grow on the property. They are sweet and almost have a taste like oranges. Then, I usually sit in bed a little while longer, looking out the dome windows onto the property. I like to walk the labyrinth at the top of the property everyday. It's an act of mindfulness for me. I walk and feel each step touch the earth. When I face Haleakala, I hold my hands to my chest and bow in respect to this sacred volcano. At the bench, in the center of the labyrinth, I pick up the pink quartz crystal the size of my hand and feel it's smooth and cool surface. I hold it in my lap and just feel the energy. I then move the crystal to my heart and hold it there and sometimes I move it to my head. I often feel like kissing and blessing this crystal before I lay it back down. I then continue on the labyrinth path, winding my way out.

It's hard "to do" here because I mostly feel like "being" and just tuning in. I let my body move naturally in the way it wants to. I see what calls to me. I am open. I am here to receive. My girlfriend and I usually go into town in the morning. Sometimes we go to the beach or a yoga class or we get a bite to eat. I have so enjoyed her company and I have enjoyed eating meals with her, her husband and pups. They will leave soon and I will be here to tend to the place alone, except for the dogs, chickens, and the occasional worker who comes onto the property for a short time to do some maintenance or cleaning.

I have been called here. I have been called to take time off to write, get healthy, and to really hear what my heart wants. I know it's about tuning in without distractions. There's a part of me that is afraid of that and there is a bigger part that knows I need it.

The weather changes all the time, especially here at the foot of Haleakala. Sometimes it feels like a dark massive rain cloud might just suck me up and in the next moment, I'm basking in the sun.

When I first arrived here, I got really sick. I had a migraine, my face felt numb, I had pain in my tooth and I felt like vomiting. It took everything in my power not to vomit. I was consumed by pain. I had just arrived and I felt I might have to go to the emergency room. My girlfriend gave me a ice pack for my head and left me in my dome to rest for the night. In the morning, I awoke feeling like a new person. I call that my "initiation." After all, I was coming from the city and from the airplane. People were coughing and sneezing on the plane. The cramped space was full of trapped air that we were all breathing. My body went through a massive reaction when I arrived at this pristine place where avocados, lemons, oranges and bananas hang in abundance from trees.

In order to match the energy here, I had to detox and release all that I came with. And I'm still detoxing and releasing. I'm still healing here.

I'm healing the last two something years. I'm becoming a new person and I'm letting go of ALOT.

When you think nothing is happening and nothing is changing or shifting, look again. Look at what is happening in the world. It may seem chaotic, but it has to happen. Instead of getting anxious or nervous or scared, just sit for a moment. Tune in and be with that energy for awhile, even the chaotic or painful energy. Let it wash over you. Give it back to the earth to be recycled or reconfigured.

Something wants to grow here. Something wants to shift. I'm feeling that. The earth is a great teacher and perhaps our greatest teacher right now. I want to be quiet and take it all in. I feel blessed for that opportunity.

Divine Earthly Experience 14: Dancing with the Unknown

"There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore and they will feel they are torn apart and suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water..."—Hopi Indian Elder


Hello Fellow Earthlings,

It seems I missed posting in November, but you can be sure I'll be posting regularly over the next 4 months as I am leaving the comfort of my home and job and setting out into the great unknown.

I've wanted to do this for years, it seems, but the sudden ending of my marriage two years and 4 months ago was a huge blow to my identity and who I thought I was. I wasn't ready to let go of the few things I had left in place that resembled any ounce of security: my home, job, family and friends.

Now I'm ready. I feel like a space explorer. I feel in my bones that I'm about to embark on a deep journey of body, mind and soul. There will be a rebirth for sure, as I'm no longer comfortable sitting at the side lines of my life or playing a role that no longer fits me. Life in this body is too short for that.

I feel we are all here for a reason, yet getting to the bottom of who we are and why we are here is a tremendous task. I feel a lot of it has to do with remembering.

December 6, 2017 marked the beginning of my 4-month sabbatical. I've rented out my home from January-April, I've booked my ticket to Maui where I will live at the foot of Haleakala for the next two months. So I begin the Earth Sister journey. The journey I came here, to this earth, to make. It's unfolding in my subconscious when I dream. I've been living it all along, but I'm about to go deeper into it. I'm about to let my spirit (heart) be my guide completely. I'm letting go of the shore and the safety nets. I'm both scared and excited. I'm ready.

I went to see my counselor yesterday. I remember when I used to think seeing a counselor was only for messed up or crazy people. Now I see that "seeking wise counsel" has been the way for humans for millions of years. As I told my counselor of my plans, she asked me "How does that feel?" I said, "Both exciting and scary!" My counselor felt this and said that it gave her shivers.

We have no idea how connected we all are. When one person takes a leap of faith out of their comfort zone and into the unknown, it gives permission for everyone else who comes in contact with this person to also step out into the unknown, face fears and move forward.

Whenever we read about someone who has conquered their fears by doing something that scared the pants off of them, we feel inspired. Inspired means to be "in spirit." We are all part of this spirit or oneness. There is actually no security. It's all imagined. We believe our families, partners, kids, pets or even our God will save us, but we have to be willing to save ourselves. We are the only ones who can go to that depth or can dwell in the center of our beings.

Here in our centers, we may find a peace that we equate to a higher power, but it is not easily noticed or found in the hustle and bustle of  our world today. It's becoming harder and harder to hear our hearts' calling. It requires a great deal of strength and power to settle into the "unknown" and finally hear what's deep, down in there.

When all the details of our lives are squared away and we have it all figured out, what is left to do? Where are the magic and miracles? I'm not saying you have to voyage the world to find what lies for you in the unknown, but it does require stepping off the well-trodden path, if only to look at the stars and moon with the innocence and wonder of a child.

In the state of the formless all things are formed, but humans have placed such great importance on the formed, or physical things. Our gadgets rule our lives. The information is mind blowing. Just get on Facebook for a few minutes and you've learned more than you ever wanted to know in a matter of seconds. Facebook and other social media has a way of depressing fellow humans because we tend to measure our lives by the things we have or by the things we lack. This is ALL on the physical plane or on the plane of what is considered tangible.

What we have forgotten is what we can't see: the unformed. We have forgotten that our true spirit, heart and intuition lie in what has yet to come into being. It's spacious and unknown. It's deep and vast and full of pure potential. It can't be measured or compared or quantified. Because it is so unknown, it's considered "scary." The spiritual or heart plane has taken a back seat in the world today. We have lost connection to it. We place great value in the physical and tangible at the cost of knowing our own spirits and hearts in this world.

The good news is that world is going through a major transition. It is moving from the formed to the unformed and each person is going through their own individual crisis of who they think they are and what they think they have. We are moving from an age of technology to an age of intuition. We are remembering why we are here.

This shift is causing an increase in the vibration of the planet. And it is causing chaos in our lives. The Hopi Indians predicted this time of chaos and destruction would come. It has always come. Whatever is created will one day be destroyed. This very knowledge and truth should propel us to lead a life, not in fear, but in flow.

Fear creates tension, anxiety, depression and pain. It creates "stuckness" of energy systems in the body. It creates disease and unhappiness. Fear is not real. Fear is what was meant to kick in when our lives were in danger, but now fear kicks in when there is no imminent threat or danger.

Flow moves energy. When we enter the flow of life, we feel a spaciousness and interconnectedness to all things. We feel spirit in us. Our intuition kicks in and gives us powerful messages in our waking and dream lives. In flow, life moves freely and easily. We trust and believe in a universal power or force.

When you are in flow, the unknown is not so scary, because a person in flow believes they are connected. Flow is abundant and life-giving. Fear is about scarcity and life-taking.

When you say, "I don't know what will happen, but I trust things will work out for the best," you are speaking from a powerful place. From this place,  no matter what comes in and out of your life: death, birth, loss of job, new career, divorce, marriage, there is a flow. You are flowing with life and dancing with the unknown. And that is not a place to fear, but a place to heal, grow and love.

Have you ever taken a leap of faith into the unknown? What did you do and what happened to you?

Divine Earthly Experience 13: Owning Who You Are

Dear fellow Earthlings,

Many are going through a crisis of identity right now. If you aren't currently experiencing that, you will. The earth is vibrating at a much higher frequency. This has been proven by scientists. I am reading a book called The Book of Ho'oponopono: The Hawaiian Practice of Forgiveness and Healing. In this book it says:

"The electromagnetic field of the earth is expanding. This has been observed on the level of the Schumann resonance. This increase in size is the result of a more general increase that is affecting, at the least, our entire galaxy. The cause is the arrival of new cosmic energies that give human beings heightened awareness, new visions, new abilities and new thought....This period of adaptation is expressed by fatigue, irritability, anxiety and depression."

Not sure when I began writing the above. I think it was August and now it's October, but this all still rings true for me. I look around me and all appears to be as it always was. The leaves on the trees are changing color, neighbors have pumpkins on their porches, a new school year is well on it's way, yet I can't help but feel it's not the same. It can never be the same. Sure, we have memories, but everything is shifting and it's shifting much faster than usual.

I have always been tuned into energies and the energies around me, but I haven't always owned this. I am owning it now. It's the shift I am going through. It's hard because I have to cast off a lot of fear as I let go of who I thought I was. Much of who I thought I was had to do with how I grew up. I followed what others did and believed in order to fit in and it served me then. Now, it is no longer serving me. I feel I'm wearing clothes that no longer fit. I keep trying to stretch into them, but they are tight or torn or old or yesterday's fashion. I push and pull my way into these clothes and they suffocate and stifle who I am.

So I will stand naked here. Cut these clothes from my body and stand naked. And who am I without these clothes?

I am a healer
I am a psychic
I am an an internationally published author
I am a teacher
I am a yoga teacher
I am a channeler and am able to connect with those who have recently passed
I am a retreat leader
I am an entrepreneur and business owner
I am inspirational
I am a world traveler
I am a mystic
I am a shaman
I am a blogger
I am a free spirit
I am a scorpio
I am a lover
I am beautiful


By being who I am, I help others tap into who they are. It's hard to own these things in me because I fear those close to me won't accept these things or even believe them, but I know they are true for me and that's most important. Right now my life is in chaos and instead of feeling like a victim, I'm choosing to see it all as an opportunity to cast off that which no longer fits. Sometimes things fall apart or we lose things because we have outgrown them. It's not because we are bad, it's because we are growing more into WHO WE ARE. But it's so hard to let go, isn't it? So many memories and years are attached to who we once were. I lost my husband is 2015 and I am losing my house in June of 2018. My parents have decided to sell the house I've lived in for almost 12 years, so I'm not sure where I will go or what I will do. I still have my job at the college, but even that is changing and sometimes I feel like I've outgrown that too.

I have a lot of fears around embracing and owning who I am. I have a fear that I will end up homeless and alone. However, I am currently in a relationship with a lovely man and I have a home. If I look at the now, things are really good. I see the beauty in each moment, yet the moment is always changing.

When I was younger, I embraced change with open arms. Now that I am getting older, I am a little more fearful of it. This month I will be 48! I can't believe it. But still, I'm not ready to settle into my life. I will always be a free spirit. This does not mean that I'm ungrounded, it just means that I find groundedness in change. Scorpio is the ruler of transformation. It is also the sign of sex and death. Death is the biggest transformation any of us will go through, yet things are dying every minute.

The trees are shedding their brightly colored leaves. It's time for them to drop. There's no holding this back. Change is inevitable. And how beautiful it is to see this fire of red, yellow and orange on the branches against the blue sky. But these leaves will soon be recycled to the soil and come back transformed.

I feel like a brightly colored leaf right now. I'm holding tightly to the branch. I don't want to fall or fail, but at some point I will have to let go. I know this letting go will be the transformation of me. I know that I will finally have to own who I am.

Divine Earthly Experience 12: Living in the Flow of Life

Aloha Mai No Aloha Aku O Kaa Huhu Kaa Mea E Ola Ole Ai 
When Love Is Given, Love Naturally Flows Back In Return.—Hawaiian Proverb

Good evening fellow Earthlings,

We are almost to the end of this month and this is my only blog post. So much is going on, it's hard to pin down a moment to reflect on all that has happened. Lately, I've been living in the flow of life. I've let go ALOT. I don't have any answers, really. I can only relate my experiences here. I feel that by sharing our experiences together, when we are really connected in the now, we open up the door to our higher selves. It comes through community with like-minded people. It also comes with letting go, humility and opening to LOVE. Right now, it may feel that there is no love in the world. There are wars and political problems and stress and traffic and, well, life. It's so easy to get caught up in it all. It's so easy to lose our connection to ourselves, that deep connection we feel when we are at peace. Maybe you feel peace when you walk on the beach, get out in nature, clean your home or cook a meal for your family. I'm feeling this right now. I feel a deep sense of gratitude. I'm sitting on my bed and the leaves outside my bedroom are dancing in the wind. They move together in unison, each leaf unique, yet connected to one tree. The sound is whooooosh as these leaves move in the breeze. The night before last, 40 people gathered in my backyard for my boyfriend's 60th birthday. We had a luau, but it was more than that. So much love flowed into my house and yard that day. It all came effortlessly. It came through letting go. And there were many events that led to that moment where I felt completely surrounded by love. It all started the weekend before.

 Last weekend, my boyfriend and I went to a Hawaiian Shaman retreat led by Hank Wesselman. We were on the waiting list and it was a long shot to get in. We both got calls at different times letting us know that we could participate. I call this synchronicity or flow. It's starts with an intention or idea and then you let go of it and leave it up to the Universe or Source or God or your Higher Self to work out the details. You let go. Completely LET GO. In the retreat, we learned how to journey. All of us experienced journeying or traveling in dream time. We used drumming to lead us into a dream-like state. Many of us experienced clairaudience, where we heard the chanting of Native Americans and even the chanting of Buddhist monks. It was as if the drumming was opening the door to every single being who had been part of web in the evolution of life.  On my last journey, we were meant to meet our spirit guides, which Hank let us know is often our higher selves. I had journeyed, by way of of following a barn owl, to a clearing in the forest. The moon shone above and was so bright. I sat down on the soft earth, trees surrounding me. Suddenly a Hawaiian woman dressed all in white with glowing eyes walked out from amongst the trees carrying flowered leis. She placed a lei around my neck and sat quietly across from me. She had a strong body, but was full of light and love. She said, "Aloha," but it meant so much more than a greeting. She didn't need to say any other words. Without telling her my ailment and what I needed healed, she knew. She breathed into my heart and then, with two hands, began to pull a long, long, long umbilical cord out from my stomach. It was thick like a rope. The eagle screeched as she did this. Once she had removed it, the forest floor in front of us opened into a dark pond and she threw this cord into the pond and I watched it dissolve. I felt light, like a huge weight had been lifted and I was free. She then spoke. She told me to follow my path to Hawaii. I was meant to return to the land and do what I am doing now. And then I returned from the journey.

The rest of my time at Breitenbush was peaceful and restful. I returned to my house and job and got swept up in life again. On Monday night, after my retreat, a girlfriend told me about a workshop in Seattle about Mana Line offered by a Hawaiian woman named Henrylyn Kaui Auwae. I went and invited 5 of my friends. It dawned on me, there in that workshop, that she was the Hawaiian woman who came to me in my Shaman journey. It was very clear. It was her.

I got brave and wrote her an email. She said she felt honored to be on my journey. It was important. I asked her if she could come to my boyfriend's party and teach us about hula. Oh, wow, what a night! The entire backyard was vibrating with LOVE. It was so beautiful. I later found out that Henrylyn Kaui's grandfather, Pappa Henry, was a Kahuna on the Big Island and he is one of the most honored healers of Hawaii. I know we will meet again soon.

The flow is powerful. Like Pele's Lava, when it comes, the best idea is to surrender to it. It won't come in the way you expect. Put your good intentions out there. Let go of trying to control the flow, you can't fight against the current, it will beat you down. If you try to fight it, you will come out battered or torn or even completely beaten by life. Know that you are in a flow with many people, all part of the fabric of life. Trust that when you surrender to the flow of life, your highest self will emerge. That highest version of you is so important. It's what connects us all. I believe the earth is ailing because we've forgotten about tuning in and connecting. We have forgotten about nature, which is the source of all things. We have put our own comforts above Mother Earth, our community and even our loved ones. There's nothing you need to do except tune into your higher self. Do it regularly with good intentions. You will be so surprised at what unfolds.